i am really just using this blog as a journal so pay no attention to my bitching and moaning.  There are things i need to say that i choose not to say to those around me in real life. This is one of them: The constant presence of other people is really hard.  They randomly … Continue reading The Problem Today…

Found this on FB and thought it was fun. Marriages - 2 Proposals - 2 Divorces - 2 Surgeries - 0 Tattoos - 0 Piercings - ears only, 1 time Ever shot a gun - yes, more than once Quit a job - yes, a bunch of jobs - never been fired Been on TV … Continue reading One of those lists… and a Quote

When i am most miserable and hopeless, i forget that it's ok to feel that way.  i begin to feel like i'm irreparably broken, and that this is a huge problem.  i think that it's supposed to be different, that i'm supposed to be different, that i'm supposed to make it different. Today i was … Continue reading I Forget…

Someone I know (not through the kink community) posted this article on FB. Rope Bondage by Lucy Bellwood It's a cute little comic style thing covering some basics of bondage.  It made me feel good because it triggered so many memories of a time when I was involved with someone who could do rope bondage … Continue reading Rope

i am overwhelmed today with my awareness that there is just too much trauma coming at me for me to absorb.  Just in the last 24 hours, things that are still sitting just under my skin: Reading a book for a book discussion group.  Talking about slavery and the sexual abuse experienced by female slave. … Continue reading More Non-Kink

(This is fictional, as far as I know.  It came to me while I was standing in the airport waiting for my plane to board, and I couldn't get it out of my mind.) He would never leave her. He thought about that sometimes, how it might seem like a good idea to walk away, … Continue reading He’d Never Leave Her

i found a place where i can go to learn and practice meditation.  It's Buddhist, which is about as close to a religion as i have these days.  i'm kind of excited.  I'll be out of town this week, so i can't start til next Tuesday, but it's something to look forward to. i also … Continue reading Breathing

i'm surrounded by people and animals who all want attention and nurturing and care of some sort.  From youngest to oldest, they take turns presenting themselves in need of whatever they need.  Diaper changes.  Conversation.  Redirection.  Hugs.  Laughter.  Carrying.  Encouraging.  Supporting. I'm exhausted and overwhelmed all the time. When i'm not responding to them, i'm … Continue reading Surrounded