FFF- 11-9

comic-book-whoosh-sound-effect-speed-bullet-75230823And just like that, it’s Friday again! 

It’s been a lovely week.  Um, not necessarily a big step week or a low carb/sugar week, but a lovely week in lots of other ways.   I took myself to the chiropractor.  I took my time doing some tasks and did them with thought and care.

I finished rearranging my “office,” and have a little bit of room to breathe. “Office” in quotes because it’s just a bit of space in one room, but still.  And  now I have a place for my rocking chair just outside of my office space where I can rock and read my kindle (which is the app on my laptop) in the evening.  One of the parts of my desk can be quickly converted into a space to hold my computer at a comfortable distance, and it’s just nice.

I made some decisions in my own best interest.  I had thought I was going to do one thing, and I changed my  mind about it.  I informed my family of my decision after the fact, rather than talking it over or getting their opinions first.  It was the right decision.  They supported it, but even if they hadn’t, it would still have been the right thing to do.

I got some stuff accomplished that I’d been procrastinating on forever.

I went for a long walk.

I whittled away my to do list, making actual progress.  I am not a plow straight through kind of person.  I do part of about 5 things, inching forward on the goals for each of them.  Maybe it would be better if I did pick one task and power through, but left to my own devices, I do a bit of this and a bit of that until I finish them all.  I even do dishes that way – I might put all the glasses in the dishwasher and then wipe off a counter before I start loading dishes.  Clean the coffee maker before I do silverware.

Anyhow.  I feel super lucky to be able to do things in my own way and my own time.  I’ve been doing some energy clearing – more music and dance, more smudging with sage.  I feel like my chakras might even be lining up.

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Energy Clearing

I watched a really fun – webinar, I guess it was.  Or meeting.  Or something.  Whatever you call it, it was an on-line event, and lots of fun.  All about claiming your magic, or getting your magic back, or some such.

I am all about getting my magic back now, and feeling really hopeful about it.  Not just because of the webinar – in fact, I probably watched it because I was feeling some hope.  So there’s that.

(Have you noticed, i’m always on the verge of doing something better than i have been?  i suppose sometimes i make actual progress.  Maybe.  But at least I keep going.)

Anyhow, Briana Borten, who did the webinar or whatever, ended up with the idea that we need to clear our energy.  And i was enthused about that.  She’s offering a group thing called Love Rising that meets four times a month – and is really reasonably priced.  I’m not going to do her thing though, so I turned to my dear friend google.

In the instant magic of the interwebs, I immediately found this article:  Getting Rid of Negative Energy: 20 Powerful Practices for Cleansing and Clearing Your Energy Field.    And, much to my delight, I already do a bunch of the things on the list.

I don’t do them all the time, consistently, but I don’t think I do anything very consistently, you know?   But from smudging with sage to napping, from walking with intention to breath work, there are lots of techniques I already know.

And there are some new ones, or ones I haven’t tried.  Using crystals more intentionally.  Essential oils.   And here’s a fancy one involving the chakras:

One of my favorite general self-clearing meditations that involves water is to lie down, close my eyes, and visualize my energy body and my chakras. I begin at the bottom, with the red root chakra. I see it clearly in my mind and then set it spinning. I move up the chakras, moving from red to orange to yellow to green to blue to indigo to violet, keeping them all spinning at the same time. Then I imagine a swoosh of water coming through the top of my head (through my crown chakra) and moving through each chakra in turn, cleansing them as it goes. The water flows back to the earth to be redistributed as needed. I admire my shining, sparkly clean spinning chakras for a moment and then settle them back down. That’s it. Easy as can be and so incredibly refreshing. 

And, although that article didn’t mention it, there’s Qi Gong.  Which I’ve learned more about but haven’t started doing every day like I planned.  Um, because I don’t do anything every day or like I planned.   But I think I’m ok with that today.  That is really just the way I’ve always been.  100 ideas, and a few that actually get carried out.

It’s ok.  I can sit with who I am… with love and compassion.

FFF – 11-2

Welcome to my health and fitness blog, only more like my non-health and non-fitness blog.  I’m averaging 5,200 steps/day, which is an improvement on last week – but that’s a low bar.  My weight is back up a bit – I’m hitting between 155 and 157, which is heading in the wrong direction.

So drat and curses.  I’m eating too many carbs and my glucose levels are up too.  Not crazy-out-of-control, but up.

On the other hand, I’m going through a huge life transition and doing ok with it.  That’s something.  I just need to turn this trend around and get back on track.

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If I think in terms of the change cycle, I’ve gone through pre-contemplation and contemplation, moved through preparation and action, and now I’m in what should be relapse prevention or maintenance, only I’ve gone for relapse instead.  Which is predictable.  We do that.  I just need to move back into recovery.

And I need to do that by identifying some micro-changes I can make, rather than a global “DO BETTER” approach.  Right?  So I could start by planning meals rather than waiting til I’m real hungry and then thinking about what might taste good.  I could eat dinner – and then quit eating.  If I did those two things, I would probably be fine.

In other news, i am organizing my house!  Not to the standards of Fly Lady, but to my own standards.  So that’s good!

And Sir and I are doing ok.  I’m a little concerned about his health, but he insists he’s fine, so I will take his word for it, and keep my fingers crossed and one eye on him.

 

 

FFF 10-26

4,862.  That’s my sad little average step count this week.  Ugh.

Not enough.

I’m not taking enough steps, not drinking enough water.   Not spending enough time on my classes or building my website.   Not spending enough time on my regular job.  Not writing enough.  Not managing my diet well enough.  Not sleeping enough.

Not enough.

Not.

Not.

Not.

Ok, that is enough of that.  I’m through being all blues’d out, for the moment anyhow.

I am enough.  I – me, myself, I – I am enough.  I need to move – inside as well as outside.  I need to breathe more deeply, move with grace.

I may not know what’s going to happen next, but right this minute, everything is fine.

If you have food in your refrigerator,
clothes on your back, a roof over
your head and a place to sleep,
you are richer than 75% of this world.

I’m watching the grandkids this weekend, so that will be fun.  And absorbing.  I have a life of abundance and countless opportunities for joy.

I don’t believe in the law of attraction, but I believe that my life is already rich.  It is enough.

Even when it’s not.  🙂

 

FFF 10-19

And here we are again.

Reporting in – step count is DOWN.  5,924.  Weight is UP.  I would like for that to be the other way around.  Ok, and maybe my weight is not actually up, but hovering around 156, 157.  Sigh. 

I feel kind of old today.  When I look at the challenges ahead of me, career wise, I just feel tired.  Not quite overwhelmed, but a lack of energy or enthusiasm.  Like it’s going to be so much work, I wish I could just retire instead.  Just potter around all day.  Read books for fun and play with my grand kids.  That kind of for-real retired.

I don’t usually feel this way.  I imagine it’ll pass.  And maybe it’s just because I got some constructive feedback on my website that was really helpful but also gave me an idea of the scope of the work I need to do.

And I need time to devote to it, and focus for it, and even psychic energy.  It’s not impossible.  It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time – not exactly in this form, but in some form.

At the same time, the classes I’m taking have a bunch of assignments that challenge me to go deep into myself and explore my feeling.  Pull on my wisdom.  All that good stuff.

So I’d like to feel excited about it.  And I’m sure I will again at some point.  Right now, today, it just seems like a lot of work.  When really, I’m pretty much at an age that lots of people are finishing their careers, not looking to start new ones.

However.  I have a lovely life in lots of ways.  I don’t have to get everything done today, or even this week.  Or month.  I have time.   I need to plan what I’m going to do, build a new timeline.  Look at all the things I want to create and figure out all the steps I need to take and just plan it out.

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But I don’t have to do it all today.

The Weekend

So much loveliness. First, there was date night. A glass of wine and appetizers on a rooftop bar overlooking the river. Then dinner with some of my favorite actually low-carb food.

We had such a good time, and were so late getting back to the house that everyone was in bed. It was the perfect opportunity for some serious spanking and good times.

It had been so long since I had been spanked, that I was more sensitive than I expected to be. But I was able to settle into it, reminded myself that I needed it, and both enjoyed and appreciated it.   It was followed by orgasms and lots of cuddles. Life is pretty good.

Of course,  Sunday is beach day. So I am actually writing this from my usual cozy spot on the sand  The ocean is fairly calm today, and I’m enjoying that .

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There is still lots and lots of stuff going on in my life and I’m way busier than I want to be.   But it is mostly all good stuff, so I truly can’t complain. Also, because I am always looking for new ways to experiment with managing my life, or maybe just always looking  for new things to add onto my plate, I have been reading up on Qigong. It is fascinating. More on that later.

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FFF – 10-12

The theme for today’s post is sleep – lovely, elusive, delightful, can’t-get-enough-of-it sleep.

“Even a soul submerged in sleep
is hard at work and helps
make something of the world.”
Heraclitus, Fragments

But not I.  Wide awake since about 3:30 this morning.  Sigh.

“Insomnia is a variant of Tourette’s–the waking brain races, sampling the world after the world has turned away, touching it everywhere, refusing to settle, to join the collective nod. The insomniac brain is a sort of conspiracy theorist as well, believing too much in its own paranoiac importance–as though if it were to blink, then doze, the world might be overrun by some encroaching calamity, which its obsessive musings are somehow fending off.”
Jonathan Lethem, Motherless Brooklyn

That’s better. I kind of like the idea that my inability to sleep is somehow preventing a world disaster.  At least that makes it worthwhile.

I’m an insomniac, my mind works the night shift.”
Pete Wentz, Gray

Ok, enough of that nonsense.  Well, maybe one more:

“. . . her energy existed in precious spools that came unwound faster than she liked.”
Zoje Stage, Baby Teeth

Isn’t that lovely?   And so true…

However.  My step count this week?  I averaged 8,700 steps.  Yes, seriously.  Of course those numbers reflect a new all-time high count of over 15,000 while i was wandering the streets of New Orleans.  Still, that’s exciting to see.

On the other hand, I’m only sleeping about 6 hours/night.  I can run on 6 hours, but not well, not over time.  So you know, there’s that.

And – here’s why i’m going to have to do FFF forever – i’m actually gaining weight.  My range has shifted upwards.  It’s true.  So i have to put a stop to that.  i’ve come too far to go back now.

i feel like i’m busy and overwhelmed too much of the time.  And just tired all the damn time.

It’s ok.  This too will pass.  I’m making progress in lots of things.  There’s just so much i want/need to do, you know?  Life is good, it’s just a lot.

Ok, i’m gonna lie back down and see if I can snooze for a bit.  And console myself with this:

“From the tattered edges of an exhausted mind, inspiration blooms… mental filters disintegrate and walls crumble, as the ocean of creativity washes over everything.”
Jaeda DeWalt

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