FFF 9-20

And it happened, y’all, a new number on the scale.  “4.”  Yes, as in 154.  Point 2.  That’s right.  154.2  Party is at my house – come on over!

Step average is about 5,400, which is not all that good, but hey.  154.2  I’m doing something right.

But the big treat today (now that i’m through basking in the sunshine of lost weight) is this video.  Have you seen it yet?  If not – well, I laughed.  A lot.  Soooo much.


{It should be embeded, but if it’s not, google video woman putting on spanx.  It should be a youngish woman with dark hair.  It tickled me immensely.}

But then i am of the era of panty girdles and mesh stockings.  Only in my teens – early teens at that.  Then it was all panty hose – followed by burning our bras and throwing away stockings all together.  These days, I don’t even wear pantythose.  I cannot imagine squeezing myself into spanx and am baffled by women who do.  Not judging them, you understand.  But it’s like ironing, something that I think should be relegated to history.

On the other hand, i can enjoy dressing up in a lacy garter belt and stockings with a fine seam in the back.  That’s a whole different ball game.

Ok, enough of this nonsense.  My scale continues to inch it’s way down.  (Pound it’s way down?)  Haha…  and I hope you enjoyed the video as much as i did.



FFF – 9-14-18

Happy Friday!

I am going home today, and ready to be there, I think.  These few days on retreat,  i’ve tried not to get too attached to outcome.  So i haven’t been born again or made new while i was here, and that’s ok too.

i think it’s been a “Middle Way” kind of retreat.  Some meditation, some relaxation, some exercise.  Reading for fun. Just sitting. And i avoided the trap of telling myself, “Oh, this is great, i need to do more of this.”  i just did however much i did.

i saw deer up close, from my window, but still really close.  And river dolphins.

i took my time doing the things i did.  By last night, i was slowed down enough to just sit on the back porch for a while.

I might have lost weight, i might have gained weight, who knows… i haven’t been near a scale since Tuesday.  My step average was 6,800 though, which pleases me.  And i even did some aerobic exercise (dancing.)  So that’s cool.

Dancing was one of my original goals for FFF, so maybe i’ll be able to reengage with that.  Or maybe not.  Whatever, it was fun this week.

And i have a cold and feel a little bit worse today.  Sigh.  In fact, i’m going to lie back down for a little bit now .

On Retreat

I’m taking a couple of days off to myself this week. Staying at a wonderful retreat center on the river. Here’s the sunrise.

Last night, I had turned off all the lights and was lying in bed playing with my massager. Suddenly, the kitchen light came on. Yes, out of the blue, kitchen light was suddenly on. A bright light. I was stunned, but after a minute I realized there could not be anybody in the house that turned it on. I got up and turned it off. Went back to the bedroom, which is right next to it. I sat on the edge of the bed and thought about it for a minute or two. After all, that’s a little freaky.

However, I finally decided that if it was anything ghostly or scary, that it would have to happen again. Until then, I was not going to worry about it.  So I went back to playing with my massager and  finally fell asleep.

As you can tell, I do have some Internet access. However, it’s limited, so that’s good.

Finding my zen…


Weird Dream

So i had this dream the other night.   We had just bought a house (not sure who “we” was, but anyhow.)  It was huge.

It was so big that after I moved in, I realized there were whole parts of it that I hadn’t even seen.  So I started wandering around trying to find out what was there.

I saw a woman walking through the house, up ahead of me.  I followed her, passing through long hallways and up some stairs.  She never turned back to look at me and I never tried to get her attention, just followed.

She went through parts of the house I’d never seen before.

Finally, she ended up at an apartment – like a studio apartment.  Still inside the house.  And then I knew that she lived there.  She and another woman – it’s not clear in my mind now if I saw the other woman or if i just knew about her, like it can happen in dreams.

I was glad they were there, glad I’d seen them.  I think the woman and I exchanged greetings, and then I woke up, or the dream shifted, and that was all of that.

In the morning, I just thought, “weird, weird, weird.”  Then i remembered the little bit I think I know about dreams.  So the house represents me.  And the women that I hadn’t met and don’t know much about would be parts of my own psyche.   Parts of my self.

I think that’s pretty cool.


FFF – 9-7

It’s Friday again – i have no idea where the week has gone.  Or maybe i do since I’ve been babysitting my grands since Tuesday, which has been lots of fun, and very demanding.  Um, as you parents of little ones already know.  Six year old and a three year old.

Of course, they’re at school/pre-school from about 9-3, so I can work, which is good, but I pick the older one up at 3, and then go ahead and get the younger – and it’s on.  Play – homework – bath – dinner – read books – go-to-bed.  Whoosh.

The good news is that I hit my 7,000 steps yesterday without even trying.  The not very good news is that my average for the week is only 4,800.  That’s because I had a couple of days – maybe three – that i just sat and worked all day.  Ended up in the low 3,000s for the day.  Sad.

But it’s a new week.

We did not have playtime last week, which was also sad, it’s looking bad for this week, and Sir is going out of town Monday.  Sigh…  but if you consider i’ve gone years wthout until recently, i’m not complaining.

One funny interaction reminded me of our respective positions.  We were going to the grocery together – he was driving – and we reached a corner where i would turn left.  There were 3 lanes, he was in the middle lane, and I didn’t know what he was doing.  He has a bad slightly annoying interesting habit of not getting in the correct lane til the last moment, but we were at a red light.  He also has a habit of taking the wrong way a different way to get somewhere.  He can decide he prefers some route that takes us 6 blocks out of the way and 10 extra minutes, for no apparent reason, and always go that way.

Plus, you have to understand that i have no sense of direction.  Zero.  None.  Do not ever ask me for directions.  GPS has been a life-changer for me –  I used to get lost all the time. And still would if i couldn’t tell Siri to  “get directions to home.”

So we’re sitting at this light, like 3 minutes from home, headed for the neighborhood grocery, and he’s in the wrong lane.  Which makes me acutely uncomfortable.  So i squirm a second and then say, “Which way are you going?” only it comes out a bit more plaintive than i had intended.

And he says in a deceptively mild tone, “Which way do you think i should go?”

A bit uncertain now, i say, “Well, i always go left here.”

Just then, the light turns green – we start to move – and I realize the middle lane also turns left. Before i can say anything –

He says, “Well, aren’t you precious, giving me directions…”

Which for some reason made me laugh so hard i almost couldn’t stop.  The “aren’t you precious” was so unexpected from him – plus i remembered that he really had told me not to back-seat drive, so it was a fitting reprimand.  It still makes me chuckle.

And maybe i’ll remember not to do it again!

6:10 – time to make some school lunches before i wake these little ones up and start the get dressed – eat breakfast – brush your teeth – get your stuff – where are your shoes and out the door routine.  Good times ahead…

FFF – 8-31 – and Some Random Memories

7,433.  That’s my average step count for the last 7 days.   That makes me feel pretty good.

My days are full and the weeks fly by.  We missed date night and play time last week – I was out of town and came back late-ish Friday.  We plan to make up for it tonight.

Jz at A Reluctant Bitch did a post recently that brought up a memory I wanted to share.  Once upon a time, many years ago, i went to an event called Winter Wickedness with my Sir at the time.  There was a – not a class or a workshop – an experience, I guess, called Scarlet Sanctuary.   it was one of the loveliest experiences i’ve had.  Here’s what i wrote about it back then.

i began to think about the Scarlet Sanctuary at bdsm camp.  i didn’t tell you all about that yet, and really, i could never do it justice anyhow.

Picture a darkened room, parts of it screened off.  There is music, soft, kind of new-age, flutes and drums maybe.  We’re greeted at the door by a soft-spoken man who asks about a few preferences – and do we want to experience this as a couple?   Yes, we do, and he takes us each by a hand and leads us behind the screens.  Two women join us, they undress Sir, the man undresses me.   It is very sensual and gentle. 

Sir and i lie side by side on the massage tables, our hands touching.  Our breathing is slow and rhythmic.   The man and the two women begin to touch us. 

Energy flows from them to us, through their fingertips into my skin.  Tingling warmth and heat, sensual, and yes, sexual, in a soulful way.   Like Mother Earth and mountains are sexy, like the sun warming naked flesh, like love is sexy.   That’s what the energy is, of course, it’s love.  It’s love and it’s God and God is love and energy and alive in each of us.  And when that connection happens, and the energy flows, i feel God inside me, alive and powerful.

As i walked tonight, i called on that memory, and remembering makes my palms tingle now, makes me feel warm and safe and at peace.  The energy nurtures me in my submission, and it nurtures me at work.  It makes me grateful.

I ended with this:

What about you?  Is there a spiritual aspect to your experience of BDSM?

I do miss that and am trying to be open to ways i can find that again.


FFF 8-24 (on Saturday)

I was traveling yesterday and barely realized it was Friday or I might have gotten my FFF done.  But that’s ok, because GUESS WHAT!!  I have a new number on the scale this morning.  155.8  That’s right.  One – Five – Five.  Ok, it’s point 8, but still.

That’s 20 pounds less than 175, which is where I originally started on this challenge.  (I think.  It could have been 178.  Not when I started in January with FFF, but when I originally realized I HAD to lose weight.)


Anyhow – step count?  Seven day average is 8,100.  Yes, that’s over my 7,000 goal.  I have a new strategy, of sorts.  I maximize my steps on the weekends, aiming for 10,000, which I can usually do those two days, and then try for 7,000 during the week.  I’ve been doing better about walking in the morning before I get locked into meetings and such, and I’ve been scheduling phone calls with friends during my walk.  Since it’s a walk, not exactly a power walk, it’s no problem to do that.  Plus it forces me to step away from whatever else I’m doing at that time.

Anyhow.  I’m not mentioning that one day when I forgot to schedule breaks and found myself at the end of the day with 1,295 steps.  Clearly, the plan is working overall, so that’s exciting.

Fondles, sorry I’m late…  ❤  Thanks so much for doing this.  I don’t think I’d have this success without the community of support you created.