olivia submits

Good grief, the weeks fly by.  One minute it’s last Friday, and the next thing I know, I wake up and it’s this Friday.

AND i’m not doing so well this week in terms of food and nutrition.  Too many carbs.  My glucose levels are not always as low as I want.  Last night, I ate a whole sleeve of Ritz crackers right before I went to bed.  That is NOT GOOD.

My step count is decent thought – apparently, I hit my 7,000/day average goal over the last 7 days, although I’m surprised to see that.  It didn’t seem like I was doing that well.  I guess this why we rely on actual data rather than what it “seems like.”  🙂

My weight is inching up a bit though – not actually gaining, just showing up in the upper ends of my range.  Which is another reason to get the food situation under control again.

But i miss carbs.  Pasta. Doritos.  I love those things soooo much, you don’t know.  Ice cream.  Ice cream is the best.    Sigh.  And it’s not like I can’t ever have any, but that’s a slippery slope, one that i’m all too ready to slide down with gusto.

Sir and i have been having date night, and that’s been great, but not playtime.  Which has been ok, i haven’t actually been in the mood.  But I think i probably need to be spanked.

i think – i might be wrong, but i think – that Sir is not pushing it because of the things that are happening in this country with men and abuse and so on.  i think he’s been wise to not push, i have been having a really hard time.  And of course it’s not the same at all.

But still.  I have felt like my skin was over-sensitive, like – like i would cringe away from touch.  Yeah.

So now i need to ask him.  i think i can do that.  Of course i can do that.  There was a time that i wouldn’t have, but the times, they are a-changing.   i will just say it.

(Yes, i have to do this…  If you can’t see it or play, it’s Bob Dylan from 1964 doing “The Times They Are A-Changing.”  Of course.)

I’ll just do it.  “Sir, i think i need to be spanked, please.”

i can do that.  Of course i can.  And then he’ll do it and we’ll both be glad we did.

Maybe i’ll practice saying it first.  In the mirror.  But it would be silly not to do it.  It’s like it’s own special form of self-care.

Oh, hmmmm, I just did it.   He’s sitting at the table near-by (and can’t see what i’m writing.)  But i just leaned over and quietly said it.

And he agreed.  With some enthusiasm.  And thanked me for acknowledging the need and asking.  Sweet!!  And now i don’t have to worry about it anymore.

I didn’t quite realize that yesterday was Friday.  Ok, that sounds silly, but it’s true.  I’m traveling for work and that’s always a little bit like being in a separate universe.  So i knew it was Friday, my brain just didn’t connect it to being here.  Until about 3 o’clock in the morning.

When i was suddenly wide awake in my hotel room  That’s not the only reason i couldn’t go back to sleep, but it was the most pleasant.  So here i am, reporting in.

I think my weight is the same range, although I’m not seeing that 154 as often as I’d like.  But it’ll happen.  I’m really noticing the difference in my clothes, and looking forward to trying on some jeans that i haven’t worn in a few years.

The most exciting news, fitness-wise, is that i’ve discovered i can use a treadmill again.  The last times i tried – a number of years ago – i was having more trouble with my knees.  When i’d go for a walk, which i did pretty often to start my mornings back then, my knee would “pop out” of place while i was walking.  I’d have to stop and bend my leg up a couple of times to get it to “pop back in”  So that wasn’t a big deal when i was going for a walk, but when i tried to walk on the treadmill, my knee would pop out of place, and i’d have to jump to the side of the treadmill on the other leg real quick so i didn’t fall on my face.

It was just as scary as it sounds.  After a couple of times, I was just like, um, no, the treadmill is not my friend.  I actually had one that i got rid of when we remodeled the basement about 5 years ago.

So – Thursday, i was here in the hotel and started watching the fiasco in the Senate.  By the time it ended, i was sort of agitated and half sick at my stomach.  i wanted to go for a walk, but it was raining pretty hard.  So i decided i’d try the treadmill in the hotel.  i figured i’d just take it slow, and it would be better than nothing.

When i got to the fitness center, the TV was on – and of course, just my luck, it was on the rehash of the hearing.  I quickly realized i wasn’t going to be able to tune it out.  And i hadn’t brought my phone and earbuds.

There was only one other person in the room, a middle aged white man, sweating hard.   He had just gotten off a treadmill, so i asked him if it would be ok to change the channel.

He said, “Actually, I’m watching that,” which was, of course, a perfectly reasonable response.

So without really thinking about it, i said, “Oh, ok,” and went to the door, adding, “I’ll leave – I really came down here to get away from that.  I was watching it in my room, and just couldn’t listen anymore.”  And i would have been quite ok with leaving,.

But he quickly said, “Oh, that’s ok, I’ve only got one more rep, I’ll change it.”  And he did.  He asked me what I wanted to watch, but i absolutely didn’t care as long as it wasn’t the political thing.  I thanked him, maybe not as profusely as i felt the thanks, and started the treadmill.

It’s almost funny how much i appreciated him changing the channel.  That’s something to think about, isn’t it?  It felt redemptive, a reminder that men can be considerate, at a time when i was remembering all the sexual assaults and rapes that i’ve experienced and that i’ve heard about from other women. That one kind act of his will always be part of what i remember from the nightmarish day of testimony in the Senate.

And i was proud of myself for asking, and for not just sucking it up and staying when he said he was watching the program – which was perfectly reasonable.

Anyhow.  So i walked on the treadmill for a while – and it was fine!!  No problems with my knees!   Now, don’t imagine me running or jogging.  i went slow.  Like not quite 3 miles/hour.  But my knee was fine.

And i did it again yesterday – and i’m about to go do it again in a little bit here!   This means that my Y membership might not be a complete waste of money – how cool is that?  It’s only about a mile from my house, I’m thinking for real i’m going to try to go at least 3 x’s a week.  So there’s a new goal!!

And that’s my check-in.  Hope that you’re all taking care of yourselves these days..