FFF 9-20

And it happened, y’all, a new number on the scale.  “4.”  Yes, as in 154.  Point 2.  That’s right.  154.2  Party is at my house – come on over!

Step average is about 5,400, which is not all that good, but hey.  154.2  I’m doing something right.

But the big treat today (now that i’m through basking in the sunshine of lost weight) is this video.  Have you seen it yet?  If not – well, I laughed.  A lot.  Soooo much.


{It should be embeded, but if it’s not, google video woman putting on spanx.  It should be a youngish woman with dark hair.  It tickled me immensely.}

But then i am of the era of panty girdles and mesh stockings.  Only in my teens – early teens at that.  Then it was all panty hose – followed by burning our bras and throwing away stockings all together.  These days, I don’t even wear pantythose.  I cannot imagine squeezing myself into spanx and am baffled by women who do.  Not judging them, you understand.  But it’s like ironing, something that I think should be relegated to history.

On the other hand, i can enjoy dressing up in a lacy garter belt and stockings with a fine seam in the back.  That’s a whole different ball game.

Ok, enough of this nonsense.  My scale continues to inch it’s way down.  (Pound it’s way down?)  Haha…  and I hope you enjoyed the video as much as i did.



On Retreat

I’m taking a couple of days off to myself this week. Staying at a wonderful retreat center on the river. Here’s the sunrise.

Last night, I had turned off all the lights and was lying in bed playing with my massager. Suddenly, the kitchen light came on. Yes, out of the blue, kitchen light was suddenly on. A bright light. I was stunned, but after a minute I realized there could not be anybody in the house that turned it on. I got up and turned it off. Went back to the bedroom, which is right next to it. I sat on the edge of the bed and thought about it for a minute or two. After all, that’s a little freaky.

However, I finally decided that if it was anything ghostly or scary, that it would have to happen again. Until then, I was not going to worry about it.  So I went back to playing with my massager and  finally fell asleep.

As you can tell, I do have some Internet access. However, it’s limited, so that’s good.

Finding my zen…


FFF – 8-31 – and Some Random Memories

7,433.  That’s my average step count for the last 7 days.   That makes me feel pretty good.

My days are full and the weeks fly by.  We missed date night and play time last week – I was out of town and came back late-ish Friday.  We plan to make up for it tonight.

Jz at A Reluctant Bitch did a post recently that brought up a memory I wanted to share.  Once upon a time, many years ago, i went to an event called Winter Wickedness with my Sir at the time.  There was a – not a class or a workshop – an experience, I guess, called Scarlet Sanctuary.   it was one of the loveliest experiences i’ve had.  Here’s what i wrote about it back then.

i began to think about the Scarlet Sanctuary at bdsm camp.  i didn’t tell you all about that yet, and really, i could never do it justice anyhow.

Picture a darkened room, parts of it screened off.  There is music, soft, kind of new-age, flutes and drums maybe.  We’re greeted at the door by a soft-spoken man who asks about a few preferences – and do we want to experience this as a couple?   Yes, we do, and he takes us each by a hand and leads us behind the screens.  Two women join us, they undress Sir, the man undresses me.   It is very sensual and gentle. 

Sir and i lie side by side on the massage tables, our hands touching.  Our breathing is slow and rhythmic.   The man and the two women begin to touch us. 

Energy flows from them to us, through their fingertips into my skin.  Tingling warmth and heat, sensual, and yes, sexual, in a soulful way.   Like Mother Earth and mountains are sexy, like the sun warming naked flesh, like love is sexy.   That’s what the energy is, of course, it’s love.  It’s love and it’s God and God is love and energy and alive in each of us.  And when that connection happens, and the energy flows, i feel God inside me, alive and powerful.

As i walked tonight, i called on that memory, and remembering makes my palms tingle now, makes me feel warm and safe and at peace.  The energy nurtures me in my submission, and it nurtures me at work.  It makes me grateful.

I ended with this:

What about you?  Is there a spiritual aspect to your experience of BDSM?

I do miss that and am trying to be open to ways i can find that again.


Breathing Again

So Friday night, on the way home from date night, i might have fallen asleep in the car.  Sir didn’t realize i was asleep and went in the house without me.  Twenty minutes later, he’s back – “Are you asleep?!!  Wake up!!  Come on in here right now.”  Lol, um, yes, Sir, as I stumbled in all groggy.

We had already agreed that we would save our kinky good times for Sunday afternoon, when the kids would be gone and we wouldn’t need to watch the noise.  He’s experimenting with all kinds of things and getting different levels of loudness  in response, so an empty house is all good.

I had forgotten that when he has me wear leather cuffs for a while, after he takes them off, I can still feel them around my wrists and ankles.  It’s a lovely sensation, almost as good as the lingering touch of rope.

But enough of that, i was spanked, then – nipples clamped – Sir played around with some ways to make me cum until i did – and a good time was had by all.  We both dozed a bit, snuggled together and that was pretty lovely.

In un-kink-related things, twice this week, i was contacted by old friends from long ago.  One of them i hadn’t talked to since the late 80’s, which is a really long time.  But the other one was my friend from high school, so we’re talking mid-70’s.   That’s a frigging long time ago.

I was glad to hear from both of them, nice to reconnect.  Also interesting that the original friendship with each of them was part of a three-people friendship.  In each case, there was a third person that they were already friends with and who introduced me to them.  I don’t know why it strikes me as meaningful that they have both re-entered my life just now, but it feels significant somehow.  Also a bit like i’m waiting for some third event to happen.

But it makes me feel as if there’s some new energy i’m putting out into the universe.   And maybe there is.



FFF – 8-17-18

Just popping in so quickly – I’ve seen 157 and for 1 hot second, I saw 156.6 on the scale. Of course, I could have been hallucinating.  But I think it’s on the way.  Like frigging Xmas.

I have no time, y’all, and not much energy.   Physically and emotionally drained.  Nothing wrong, in fact, things are going well.  But I’m running on empty at the moment.

Not walking enough.  (Although – checking my FitBit, apparently I averaged 6,008 steps/day over the last 7, which is better than I thought it was.)

Not sleeping enough.  Average over the last week is 6 hours and 18 minutes.  That level of sleep won’t kill you, but it sure will leave you tired.  Too much time tied to my computer.  But i’m working my way through my coaching program, and getting lots of official practice, and building my website and that’s all good.

Date night tonight, which is exciting.  Hoping i can stay awake for the festivities after…

And I’ll finish with this – RIP Aretha, Queen of Soul…


FFF 7-13-18 (late again, damnit)

Reporting in today – in bad news, I’m still not exercising or walking like i need to.  The days slip by and suddenly it’s evening and i’m looking at 2,500 steps on my fitbit and shrugging, oh, well, tomorrow’s another day…

In good news – i hit a new weight range just since last week. The 158’s showed up on my scale.  We’re looking at 158.2 – 161.  That’s pretty exciting!

In other good news – i got my 3 month lab results back and my glucose level was just under the diagnosis of diabetes! That’s right.  I’m now at high risk for diabetes instead of being about a point and a half over the line into diabetes.

I am particularly pleased about this – on top of just being pleased for its own sake – because it follows on an unpleasant experience at my doctor’s office.  I went in thinking he’d be pleased with my 10 pound weight loss and lower glucose readings, although we didn’t have the A1C (the 3 month test) yet.

Instead, he was super negative and told me different standards for the readings than the nurse practitioner had told me that put my readings in a more negative light.  I had brought in a blood pressure cuff for him to check for accuracy (one that Sir’s cardiologist had said was accurate) and he was dismissive of the cuff before he even checked it.  (“We can check it, but that doesn’t look like the kind that’s going to do what we need it to do.)

When I had first gotten there, the nurse took my blood pressure and it was good.  After about 10 minutes with the doctor, after I was pretty upset, he took it again and it was up.  He was patronizing and condescending about that, and when I said something about it having been lower earlier in the visit, he said that the nurse’s reading had probably not been accurate because I was so overweight, my arm was too thick to get an accurate reading.

Y’all.  Yes, I am obese. But my arm is not the thickest arm around by any means.  If I’m too fat to get an accurate blood pressure reading, I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in that.  And really – if they can’t get an accurate reading, why are they even checking it??

They told me to check my blood pressure with the cuff I had brought in so they could see if it was accurate, and I started to do that.  The nurse took it off the arm I’d put it on and strapped it to the other arm.  Then she held my arm so I couldn’t move it.  This cuff has a light sensor that lets you know when your arm is in the right position to get a reading, and she wouldn’t let me move my arm to adjust it, and when I tried to explain, neither of them acknowledged that I was even talking, she just said to him, “I’m not getting any warm fuzzies about this cuff,” in a real disparaging tone, and I gave up and let her take it off.

The visit went downhill from there, if you can imagine, with more conversation about why my BP might be high and the state of the country.  It ended with him telling me I needed to quit watching the news so much so I wouldn’t be upset about things I couldn’t control.  He did not actually pat me on the head, or tell me not to worry my pretty little head about it, it just felt like he did.  Oh, and he told me maybe I needed therapy for my anger problem.

Let me be clear.  I was angry.  I didn’t yell, I didn’t call him names or cuss at him.  But when I checked my records on-line a few days later?   As I suspected, he had added “Anger Outbursts” to my list of diagnosis.  For the record, having feelings and getting diagnosed with anger outbursts are not the same thing.

I came home from the appointment all upset.  Fortunately, I was able to make an appointment with another doctor and have just been waiting to get the lab results back before I requested they send my records to the new place.   I really do think the doctor I’ve been seeing is a condescending, patronizing jerk who embodies the worst aspects of the patriarchy.

At the same time, I recognize that my reactions to him may be heightened based on some early childhood experiences with being in the hospital.  As it is, just remembering my appointment with him, I can feel my heart rate go up and my chest feels tight and my breathing gets shallow – as if I might be on the verge of a panic attack,    I’m pretty sure that’s too extreme a reaction for just remembering this doctor’s appointment.  I might come back and talk about how I think this links to that early childhood trauma in the hospital, but for now, I just console myself with the knowledge that I’m a grown up and fortunate enough to have good insurance and a bit of money so I don’t have to tolerate this doctor’s attitude any more.

Anyhow.  Thanks for reading this very non-kinky post.  Next time, I’ll tell you about date night and the benefits of a good spanking.  (In case you didn’t already know!)



Sir Sets Some Rules

Sir bought a kink book and shared it with me -we’ve started using the family plan for our kindle.  That was a nice way to keep us connected.   It’s not a dreadfully literary book – so far, it’s mostly a list of the rules the Dom has for his sub.  Which is actually pretty hot, as those things tend to be.

Sir warned me already- I may have mentioned this – that i was going to have rules, but that he wanted to think about what rules he wanted and would be prepared to enforce.  Some time went by.

He told me that he was not going to punish me for breaking these as-yet-unspecificed-rules with spankings (since, you know, i do like that.)  He said that he might do what the Dom in this book we read does, which is to punish his sub by plucking out a number of single pubic hairs, an idea that makes me wince.

Yesterday, he gave me the rules.  He is starting with three rules.

Rule One:   He’s to be addressed as “Sir” when we are in the bedroom

Rule Two:  My pussy is to be shaved completely and must be kept clean shaven at all times.  Completely, like in no-landing-strip, no nothing.

Rule Three:  When we’re together and engaging in sexual activity, i’m to ask permission before i orgasm.  He says he doesn’t plan to practice orgasm restriction at this time, but may do so in the future.  He says permission is not necessary to orgasm if i’m playing with myself alone, at least not at this time.

Since the shaving requirement removes all the hair, he mentioned that’s not going to be how he punishes me – that hair pulling thing.  So that’s still open.  Um, waiting for his decision, not open to discussion.

He says there may be more rules in the future, but wants to see how it goes with these first.   Of course, i have every intention of following each rule completely, so it should be fine.  But i got a taste of the possible future when we were alone in his vehicle today.

Sir had stopped at a stop sign, and (it seemed to me) was sticking way too far out into the intersection.  He does this all the time sometimes and it kind of drives me crazy bothers me a little bit.   I almost always bite my tongue and don’t say anything, but every once in a while, i have to i feel compelled to i choose to comment.  Today, i just said, “I don’t know why you got to stop all the way out in the street like this.”

He said, “What?”

I said, maybe less confrontational-ly, “I mean, just, like, it seems like the nose of the van is kind of far out in the street.  You know.  You do that all the time.”

He said, “Well.  Hmmm.  You think I’m too far out in the street.  Well, I guess I’ll have to apologize to those other Doms.”

Me (sensing that I had perhaps mis-stepped) “Apologize to what other Doms?”

So he’s part of some Dom-peer group thing.  I knew that.  But apparently they had been talking about back seat driving being a problem for some of them.  And, um, apparently he had said that wasn’t a problem in his household.  But now he was thinking maybe he needed to re-think that.


{Whispers}  Do not tell him i said this.  He drives real slow.  He’s real careful to keep a safe stopping distance between his vehicle and other vehicles – which means even more slow driving.  He waits to change lanes until the very last minute, even when he already knows he has to be in the other lane.  And he stops with his van sticking out in the cross-street at red lights or stop signs sometimes.  And i almost never say a word.

But yes, ok, so i felt guilty when he told me that, about apologizing to the other Doms, and ok, i’m not going to say anything about his driving anymore.  Unless we’re about to get hit, in which case i reserve the right to gasp or say “look out!” as  needed.

Anyhow.  That’s the news from here.  Now i have to manage to shave to specifications and all will be well.

We’re having a lovely day off work for the Fourth – i went to the beach this a.m. – missed the sunrise, but also missed most of the rain.

The rest of the day has been a bit non-traditional, but very nice.  Hope you’re having a good one, wherever you are, whatever you’re doing…