I’m a sixty sixty-three year old submissive woman. Cis-gender. White. I’ve been involved in BDSM and actively seeking a committed D/s relationship off and on for 15 years. More off than on these days.
My life partner and i have been together about four seven years. We started out on a D/s path, and, with a little bit of back and forth, it’s come to a complete halt. I’m no longer looking for him or anyone else to lead me on that path.
I feel like I’ve faded in the last few years. Somebody once told me that you can’t put a submissive girl on a shelf. leave her there for a long time, and then expect her to be the same when you come back. i feel like I’ve been loved, but my submission has not been nurtured, or even acknowledged, for a long time. I rarely even feel it anymore. It’s still a sexual kink, but the rest of it is gone.
So I’m a life partner, (with no desire to be his wife), a mother of adult children, a grandmother, a life coach, a friend, a writer, a sister, and so on. Living in a place I love, in a multi-generational household, with so much to be grateful for. Just trying not to lose touch with myself completely…
Olivia 
Glad to get to know you a little better, Olivia. I always thought you’d be in your 30’s! Must be your curious spirit that makes you young at heart. Hang onto yourself and stay in touch or get in touch with friends even though you’re an introvert. Connection keeps us from disappearing within ourselves at an unhealthy level. I need to take my own advice.! Hugs, Windy
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Thanks, Windy Bird! Funny that you thought I was younger – I hope is is my curious spirit and not some immaturity that gave you that impression! And I think you’re right, working on not withdrawing, seeking connection, sounds like good advice. I’m smiling at your comment about needing to take your own advice – isn’t that true for all of us? Do you have a blog or website to share? When I click on your icon, nothing happens… In any case, thanks so much for stopping by!
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Sorry, I never saw your question! I’ve been missing for a while, but back now. My blog is https://whenthestormwhisperstothewind.blogspot.com/
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I thought you were younger too! You definitely don’t sound like a closeted sixty-something year old. You sound fresh and young and, as mentioned above, curious? I hope you bounce back from the ‘fading’. That really sucks! Maybe writing fiction would be a way you could connect with this part of yourself?
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Yes. That’s what I’m hoping too. We’ll see…
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🙂 I hope it works out well!
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I’m glad I discovered you, Olivia… This point — “i feel like I’ve been loved, but my submission has not been nurtured, or even acknowledged, for a long time” — is rich and powerful and meaningful. And beautiful. I totally get it. Thanks.
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Thanks, Shae – it’s always nice to feel that connection with someone who “gets it.” 💜
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Sunday morning…I’ve been dabbling for a very few months in the BDSM blogs continent…I’m quite older than 63…I have a hard time finding peace with the fact I came so late. But an immense thank you to the quite shy woman to have done all this loving tender writing. I wish you read this on a Sunday …and have a beautiful Sunday.
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Thank you soooo much! This is a lovely message to read on a Sunday, and I will have a lovely day. Good luck to you!! 💜
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I have the same opinion about doctors as you do. Google is the best doctor …
The bdsm for me was/today exactly the same as for you …
I think other doors are open to me today … not than they used to be 🙂 I sympathize with you, ma’am.
I kiss your hand and send you a virtual coffee.
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Thank you attisToCy. I’m glad that my situation resonates with you and you feel some connection. But sorry if the bdsm door are not as open as you’d like! Thanks for the coffee and the kiss. 💜
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I too ‘get it’, and coincidentally am also 63 and submissive. The difference being I’m also male, but in these cases I have never found that to be a significant point of departure for the issues we encounter over time and in relationships. My kinky drive has also waned, and I also feel that what a submissive has to mentally go through to put themselves in the position we do, or want to, is never fully appreciated for how intense it is. My experience is that even willing tops just see it as “what we want”.
If such desires are thwarted or even just ‘not nurtured’ over a long period of time, and you factor in the natural factor of simply aging, it is no wonder these desires ‘change’ (define change as you will). I still live my lifestyle with my wife, but it is not what it used to be nor is it what I would once have wished it to be. Now, however? I am not even sure what I want it to be anymore. I’ve settled like an old house……….and creak at times with that settling.
My advice, however, is to pursue SOMETHING that gives you satisfaction in your compromised state. I believe this is crucial to maintain a healthy mind and body as the years go by.
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Thank you, KD, for reading and for your thoughtful comment. I love the “settled like an old house” image. In some ways, I have too.
When I think about pursuing something that gives me satisfaction – that sounds true, and I believe it – and yet I have no idea how to do that. I’ll keep trying though…
💜
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I’m so glad I found your blog, saw you on Ronnie’s blogroll, better late than never. Brilliant writing, really enjoyed reading your stories. Will add your blog to my roll right away, not to miss a post.
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Thanks so much, for reading and for commenting! I appreciate that so much. Looking forward to seeing you around – and I”ll have to go check out your blog!
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