Tag: BDSM

FFF – 9-14-18

Happy Friday!

I am going home today, and ready to be there, I think.  These few days on retreat,  i’ve tried not to get too attached to outcome.  So i haven’t been born again or made new while i was here, and that’s ok too.

i think it’s been a “Middle Way” kind of retreat.  Some meditation, some relaxation, some exercise.  Reading for fun. Just sitting. And i avoided the trap of telling myself, “Oh, this is great, i need to do more of this.”  i just did however much i did.

i saw deer up close, from my window, but still really close.  And river dolphins.

i took my time doing the things i did.  By last night, i was slowed down enough to just sit on the back porch for a while.

I might have lost weight, i might have gained weight, who knows… i haven’t been near a scale since Tuesday.  My step average was 6,800 though, which pleases me.  And i even did some aerobic exercise (dancing.)  So that’s cool.

Dancing was one of my original goals for FFF, so maybe i’ll be able to reengage with that.  Or maybe not.  Whatever, it was fun this week.

And i have a cold and feel a little bit worse today.  Sigh.  In fact, i’m going to lie back down for a little bit now .

Weird Dream

So i had this dream the other night.   We had just bought a house (not sure who “we” was, but anyhow.)  It was huge.

It was so big that after I moved in, I realized there were whole parts of it that I hadn’t even seen.  So I started wandering around trying to find out what was there.

I saw a woman walking through the house, up ahead of me.  I followed her, passing through long hallways and up some stairs.  She never turned back to look at me and I never tried to get her attention, just followed.

She went through parts of the house I’d never seen before.

Finally, she ended up at an apartment – like a studio apartment.  Still inside the house.  And then I knew that she lived there.  She and another woman – it’s not clear in my mind now if I saw the other woman or if i just knew about her, like it can happen in dreams.

I was glad they were there, glad I’d seen them.  I think the woman and I exchanged greetings, and then I woke up, or the dream shifted, and that was all of that.

In the morning, I just thought, “weird, weird, weird.”  Then i remembered the little bit I think I know about dreams.  So the house represents me.  And the women that I hadn’t met and don’t know much about would be parts of my own psyche.   Parts of my self.

I think that’s pretty cool.

 

FFF – 9-7

It’s Friday again – i have no idea where the week has gone.  Or maybe i do since I’ve been babysitting my grands since Tuesday, which has been lots of fun, and very demanding.  Um, as you parents of little ones already know.  Six year old and a three year old.

Of course, they’re at school/pre-school from about 9-3, so I can work, which is good, but I pick the older one up at 3, and then go ahead and get the younger – and it’s on.  Play – homework – bath – dinner – read books – go-to-bed.  Whoosh.

The good news is that I hit my 7,000 steps yesterday without even trying.  The not very good news is that my average for the week is only 4,800.  That’s because I had a couple of days – maybe three – that i just sat and worked all day.  Ended up in the low 3,000s for the day.  Sad.

But it’s a new week.

We did not have playtime last week, which was also sad, it’s looking bad for this week, and Sir is going out of town Monday.  Sigh…  but if you consider i’ve gone years wthout until recently, i’m not complaining.

One funny interaction reminded me of our respective positions.  We were going to the grocery together – he was driving – and we reached a corner where i would turn left.  There were 3 lanes, he was in the middle lane, and I didn’t know what he was doing.  He has a bad slightly annoying interesting habit of not getting in the correct lane til the last moment, but we were at a red light.  He also has a habit of taking the wrong way a different way to get somewhere.  He can decide he prefers some route that takes us 6 blocks out of the way and 10 extra minutes, for no apparent reason, and always go that way.

Plus, you have to understand that i have no sense of direction.  Zero.  None.  Do not ever ask me for directions.  GPS has been a life-changer for me –  I used to get lost all the time. And still would if i couldn’t tell Siri to  “get directions to home.”

So we’re sitting at this light, like 3 minutes from home, headed for the neighborhood grocery, and he’s in the wrong lane.  Which makes me acutely uncomfortable.  So i squirm a second and then say, “Which way are you going?” only it comes out a bit more plaintive than i had intended.

And he says in a deceptively mild tone, “Which way do you think i should go?”

A bit uncertain now, i say, “Well, i always go left here.”

Just then, the light turns green – we start to move – and I realize the middle lane also turns left. Before i can say anything –

He says, “Well, aren’t you precious, giving me directions…”

Which for some reason made me laugh so hard i almost couldn’t stop.  The “aren’t you precious” was so unexpected from him – plus i remembered that he really had told me not to back-seat drive, so it was a fitting reprimand.  It still makes me chuckle.

And maybe i’ll remember not to do it again!

6:10 – time to make some school lunches before i wake these little ones up and start the get dressed – eat breakfast – brush your teeth – get your stuff – where are your shoes and out the door routine.  Good times ahead…

FFF 8-24 (on Saturday)

I was traveling yesterday and barely realized it was Friday or I might have gotten my FFF done.  But that’s ok, because GUESS WHAT!!  I have a new number on the scale this morning.  155.8  That’s right.  One – Five – Five.  Ok, it’s point 8, but still.

That’s 20 pounds less than 175, which is where I originally started on this challenge.  (I think.  It could have been 178.  Not when I started in January with FFF, but when I originally realized I HAD to lose weight.)

20-20-sj

Anyhow – step count?  Seven day average is 8,100.  Yes, that’s over my 7,000 goal.  I have a new strategy, of sorts.  I maximize my steps on the weekends, aiming for 10,000, which I can usually do those two days, and then try for 7,000 during the week.  I’ve been doing better about walking in the morning before I get locked into meetings and such, and I’ve been scheduling phone calls with friends during my walk.  Since it’s a walk, not exactly a power walk, it’s no problem to do that.  Plus it forces me to step away from whatever else I’m doing at that time.

Anyhow.  I’m not mentioning that one day when I forgot to schedule breaks and found myself at the end of the day with 1,295 steps.  Clearly, the plan is working overall, so that’s exciting.

Fondles, sorry I’m late…  ❤  Thanks so much for doing this.  I don’t think I’d have this success without the community of support you created.

13315288_10209062578498858_9018949174761554200_n

FFF – 8-10-18

Here we go… reporting in.  Step count average was 5,341 – which is worse than last week, but not an all-time low.  Weight range is about the same, although I’ve actually seen a 157.something a few times.  I’ve been doing better on not over eating at night.

I’ve been working on emptying boxes in the garage – now am at the point that I need someone to help me move some boxes before I can make more progress.  I’ll pin my daughter down to it sometime soon.

I had an unpleasant afternoon and evening experiencing some vertigo this week ( see, that has become my “all things health related” outlet.)  It finally went away, but not before I considered the possibility of a lifetime of being unable to move around independently.  That’s some scary stuff.

My new and improved doctor told me that there’s an easy fix for it though – just shake your head vigorously for about 8 seconds and it should go away.  That’s good to know; this is maybe the third time it’s happened in the last few years, so it may well happen again.  Hopefully, I’ll remember the cure.

So I did the skin tag removal thing – I will tell you, that was even more uncomfortable than I expected.  Ok, painful.  It hurt.  Like a mother.  And I have at least one more session to get through.  But – it will all be worth it.  As my mother used to say, “You have to suffer to be beautiful.”  (Please be aware that I totally believe that and I totally think it’s ridiculous, both at the same time.)

Date night is tonight!  Woohoo – good times ahead.

 

One-Mindful

I’ve been thinking about re-finding myself (“What? Again?” you say.)

Yes, again.  There was the whole re-finding my kinky self, which is doing pretty well these days.  Now i need to re-find my work self.  And maybe my everything else self too.  And recognize that it’s just an ongoing process.  I don’t get to do it and then it’s done.

A couple of things have brought that home to me.  One is this quote:

“carrying on a conversation at dinner and texting under the table…. Continuous Partial Attention involves an artificial sense of constant crisis, of living in a 24/7, always-on world. It contributes to feeling stressed, overwhelmed, overstimulated, and unfulfilled; it compromises our ability to reflect, to make decisions, and to think creatively.”
― Sharon Salzberg, Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation

I used to pride myself on multi-tasking.  Now I just do it mindlessly.  I would like to move away from that and be better able to focus.  Because this is also true:

“The simple act of being completely attentive and present to another person is an act of love, and it fosters unshakeable well-being. It is happiness that isn’t bound to a particular situation, happiness that can withstand change.”
~~ Sharon Salzberg, Real Happiness

And being able to do that is an act of service.  It’s one I used to practice regularly with Sir, consciously turning my attention to him when he talked to me.  I’ve gotten out of that habit.

Partly, i’ve quit doing it because we both work from home.  He may pass through my “office” area, taking a break from his own work, while i’m right in the middle of something.  He would never interrupt a meeting, but if i’m writing or reading something, he often starts a conversation.  I may or may not stop what i’m doing to fully pay attention to what he’s saying.  Often, it barely slows me down – i can type, nod, and say mmmmhmmm quite easily.

In the same way, if Sir and i are talking, and i get a text message or email, i may open it and answer while still carrying on the conversation with him.  Which is going to be a fairly half-assed conversation at that point.

So one goal is to do that less.  To do it less with Sir, and less with my daughter and grandkids too.

The other goal is to plan a few days personal retreat.  I found a retreat center within 30 minutes of us that has an affordable cottage I could rent.  It’s near the river and has trails to walk and even a prayer labyrinth.  Years ago, I used to go away by myself every year for a few days, somewhere similar with nice scenery and simple living quarters.  I haven’t done that since I met Sir.  So that’s on my agenda for the not-too-distant-future.

I want to use the time to retreat into myself, but also to plan my work for the next 6 months to a year.  I want to do a visual representation of what I want – and maybe I can do that before the retreat, and then use the retreat time to build on it.  I want to eat simple food and take long walks by myself, down the paths to the river and mindfully through the prayer labyrinth.

Labyrinth-016-300x200

Slowly, i am building the life i want.

 

 

FFF 8-2-18

So here we are.

Step count is better.  Averaged 6,882/day this week, so that’s a definite improvement.

Weight range the same.  I have been eating a bit too much in the evening again and need a strategy for how not to do that.  (Although really, just saying no to those ice cream urges is probably key.)

The house is inching its way to better organized.  Maybe.  Two steps forward, one back.  Which is better than one forward and two back.

Had another lovely date day last week – date night didn’t work out, so we moved to Sunday afternoon, when no one else was home and some serious spanking was in order.

Another date night tonight – looking forward to it.  Have not made my appointment to get waxed yet, but that’s coming soon.  I am totally looking forward to it.

Not much else to say from here – sorry to be so boring… Just lots of productivity and some stability, which is not all bad.

Ok, y’all this is too funny – my first version of this ended with this paragraph.

I just now noticed that this post isn’t offering  me the option to use tags and categories.  Weird.  Playing around with it a bit, but still can’t do it.  Guess it doesn’t really matter – but strange.  Anyone else having this issue?

Then I went ahead and published it.

Then I realized I’d made a new page, not a new post.  Ooops…  Copy and paste and delete – and ta-dum, here ya go.   Ha.  You just never know the multitude of mistakes you can make til ya make ’em.  Glad I solved the Mystery of the Disappearing Tags.  Hope your day is at least that satisfying.