Happy BDSM Valentine’s Day

For the record, Valentine’s Day is not my favorite holiday – It’s a Hallmark holiday so there’s too much pressure to “show” your love with material things and I don’t like it.  Although, in all honesty, I would probably like it more if I got roses.

But MP, even when we were in the throes of passion, was not a Dozen Roses kind of guy.  Yes, I’ve hinted, I’ve said, “Yeah, I really like cut flowers. Roses, particularly.”  But he’s not ever going to get me roses. And that’s ok.

And really Valentines Day should be about the pleasure of showing your loved one how much you love them, not about getting roses, right?  So I bought him a box of chocolates and a card.

This morning, i googled Valentine cards BDSM and get some delightful results.  Here are some of them:


So Happy Valentine’s Day to you – hoping you have a lovely day!

“Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.”
~ Ursula K. Le Guin


Olivia and Monkey’s Day on the Town

Really, I should have titled this post “Gifts.”  i’m sitting here in a delightful Airbnb, burning the meditation candle that jade gave me, looking at the beautiful stone that is supposed to help me be more in touch with my own intuitive self (pictured below with the little pouch she gave me to keep it in.)

Sitting here thinking about the many gifts that I’ve gotten from blogging – from the process itself, but even more so from the community of wonderful people I’ve gotten to meet.

But that’s not what you want to hear about  – I know you want to hear about my visit with Monkey!!

It was wonderful.  There is nothing like being with someone who can talk about the mundane and the kinky in the same breath and be comfortable with it.  And for many of us, that’s a rare treat.  On top of that –

Monkey is everything I thought she would be – beautiful (full disclosure, we both have curly, red hair so I might be biased.  And she wears cute glasses.)  Interesting.  We talked all day. Not obsessively, not like silence would have been awkward, but just comfortably chatting.   She took me to see amazing sights – I saw mountains and canyons and a gorgeous beach, all in the course of a day.  We had a lovely lunch – mine was made almost entirely of ingredients that I was not familiar with, aside from the albacore and avocado, and was delicious.

I can say that Monkey has just enough domme in her that we didn’t have that submissive girls cliché where we’re both going, “But what do you want to do?  No, whatever you want.”  But really we also know that submissive women can take charge beautifully when it’s helpful for someone else, and she had a fabulous day planned for us.

We talked about blogging and the blogging community and how much fun it would be to have a get-together.  We talked about all the people we wanted to be on the list – yes, YOU were one of them!!  We talked about where we could have it – Boston?  Atlanta?  Where would you come?  (That’s a really bad sentence – “where would you come?” but you know what I mean.)

Ok, I guess that probably won’t happen.  We can still dream.

So getting to meet Monkey was a gift from the universe.  Meeting her nourishes that part of my soul where i’m most essentially myself, and i’m grateful for that.  I will tuck our day together away in my memory box, right next to the one with jade and Sir Raven, with ‘nilla, with… other bloggers i’ve gotten to meet over the years.

Thank you, Monkey, for being who you are.  And thank you, Gentle Reader, for helping create a community of acceptance for us all.




It’s Monkey!!

That’s who i’m meeting.  Monkey.  I can’t tell you how excited i am.


I feel like i’ve known Monkey forever – ok, maybe only since 2010, but that was the beginning of my kink life, my blogging life, and so it was really the start of a whole new life.  We’ve been through so many eras together, it feels like a lifetime ago.

It seems like i’ve watched monkey blossom.  i hope that doesn’t sound patronizing, because i totally don’t mean it that way, but she really has.  Like many of us, with so much angst and pain and suffering, and so much strength and courage.  But blossoming in her own way, with love and wisdom.

It’s funny – or maybe not – but Jade is a bit like a daughter to me, although she has her own wisdom and strength, while Monkey is definitely a sister.

i’m going to meet her someplace i’ve never been before – we’ll call it Very Far Away.  i’m signed up for a weekend workshop there and decided to go a day early, partly to recover from jet lag, and, i hoped, to meet monkey.

There’s some back story, and i guess it’s a little bit odd.  A couple of years ago i met a woman – a teacher – who i wanted to study with.  But she lives and teaches in Very Far Away and it felt like she might as well live on the moon.  Still, i believed that someday there would be some synchronicity in the universe and i would end up studying with her.  “And,” i said to myself, “When i do, then i’ll get to meet monkey!”

So here i am, poised on the edge of that adventure (ok, another 5 weeks away, but that’s nothing.)  i don’t know what monkey has in mind, but i’m probably up for it.  Unless it involves staying up late, in which case, you can count me out.  But otherwise, i’m ready.

Let the adventures begin…

Lunch with Friends

It happened!  I got to meet jade in real life!  AND Sir Raven.

It was pretty amazingly cool.   I felt so comfortable with them, it was like I’d met them before, like we’d had lunch together a bunch of times.

Jade is cute and funny and alternately strokes and pokes Sir Raven in a way that amused me.    Sir Raven was just about as charming as Jade always says she is, which is a whole lot.  She and Jade seem to fit together like puzzle pieces.


Anyhow, it was wonderful meeting them.  Jade brought me some gifts – which made me feel really loved and really bad at the same time because I didn’t bring her gifts so I had to do the guilt – shame  – recovery dance and ended up feeling ok cause after all, I drove 500 miles (round trip) to meet her.

But one of the gifts was a beautiful set of chopsticks.  They are amazing.


I have to admit i cringed a little bit for a second – i have some memories of nipple clamps made from chopsticks and a couple of rubber bands.   Those were seriously ouch-y.  Fortunately, jade explained that these chopsticks were for food and that she’d read they were a good way to practice eating more mindfully.  I breathed a sigh of relief and thought yes, i can definitely do that.

There is probably more to say about the visit, but that will have to wait for another day.