i am overwhelmed today with my awareness that there is just too much trauma coming at me for me to absorb. Just in the last 24 hours, things that are still sitting just under my skin:
- Reading a book for a book discussion group. Talking about slavery and the sexual abuse experienced by female slave.
- A deaf man, who lived down the street from a friend of mine, shot to death by police on his front porch because he didn’t respond to their verbal commands.
- An immigrant couple, undocumented, arrested while seeking essential medical care for their infant.
- Flyers distributed on a college campus recruiting members for a White Nationalists group.
- Ongoing efforts to keep women from accessing reproductive health care
I’m also a bit overwhelmed with the 12 hours of work I need to do in the next 8 hours.
AND I’ve planned a bit of a get-away for myself. (Interestingly, I first typed that to read “from” myself. Hmmmm.) But I’ve arranged a work trip next month in a way that should include a significant amount of down time and some travel to a place that I love and haven’t visited in about 15 years.
I’ve been pondering the comment by Middle-Aged, who said something like “men are attracted to people who are happy.” It’s interesting because my immediate thoughts were “I’m not unhappy,” and “It’s not about being happy.” “It” being life in general.
I’m just finding my way through my own life and trying to make the world a better place in the process.
I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.
~~ Rabindranath Tagore
The problem is that as a submissive woman who want to be of service – when I have a Dom to serve, it allows me to feel a measure of success. When i don’t, i can get lost in the vast and multi-layered needs of the world, and even just the people around me.
Olivia 
I am a lover of quotes…posted a new one on my classroom door every day when I was teaching…and they often sparked quite interesting discussions. I have never read this one, but love it , it would have created quite a discussion.
hugs abby
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Oh, I bet it would have! I love quotes too, this is one of my (many) favorites. Thanks, abby!!
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That is a lot going on inside. i know the feeling and wish i didn’t. And, yes, me too-service is calming and freeing. i spend my whole days in service, and love when i go to bed knowing i could not have mentally, physically, or emotionally done one more thing. Now, if we could just add -sexually-to that list! i find joy in focusing on others, and i need that to balance out the constant stream of sharing information as an isolated activist, scholarly work that is mentally draining, and living in constant pain. i’m glad that you are at least thinking of self care, making arrangements for that to have the introvert space you need to recharge. i hope it involves doing something to help you get/stay in your body in a pleasurable way. Everything i know about trauma (including vicarious trauma) teaches me to stay in my body, experience being present, and not judging what feels good to do that. When i don’t do those things, i fail at everything. Sending much love to you. Oh!! And i need your address for a care package, when you have time, please. ❤
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Thank you Jade. I’m hearing you.
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Such a beautifully well written post. I really like the quote, it hits very close to home.
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Thank you so much! Yes, it’s one of my favorite quotes.
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