i am overwhelmed today with my awareness that there is just too much trauma coming at me for me to absorb. Just in the last 24 hours, things that are still sitting just under my skin: Reading a book for a book discussion group. Talking about slavery and the sexual abuse experienced by female slave. … Continue reading More Non-Kink
Uncategorized
He’d Never Leave Her
(This is fictional, as far as I know. It came to me while I was standing in the airport waiting for my plane to board, and I couldn't get it out of my mind.) He would never leave her. He thought about that sometimes, how it might seem like a good idea to walk away, … Continue reading He’d Never Leave Her
Breathing
i found a place where i can go to learn and practice meditation. It's Buddhist, which is about as close to a religion as i have these days. i'm kind of excited. I'll be out of town this week, so i can't start til next Tuesday, but it's something to look forward to. i also … Continue reading Breathing
Surrounded
i'm surrounded by people and animals who all want attention and nurturing and care of some sort. From youngest to oldest, they take turns presenting themselves in need of whatever they need. Diaper changes. Conversation. Redirection. Hugs. Laughter. Carrying. Encouraging. Supporting. I'm exhausted and overwhelmed all the time. When i'm not responding to them, i'm … Continue reading Surrounded
Trudging along
I start my mornnigs hopeful and enthusiastic about my productivity durnign the day, my impending sense of accomplishment. A few hours later, i begin to scale back my expectations. i decide my to-do list covers the next 2 or 3 days. Time passes. Unexpected things happen. i had something due by 1:00 today. It was … Continue reading Trudging along
Work Day
Working at home, on the home, that is. Evacuation is over. We're home and all is well. Yay!! Feeling a bit less pouty, more likely to be snippy. And that's ok.
Here we go again…
This is not news to me: “Repressed and suppressed feelings require counter-energy to keep them submerged. It takes energy to hold down our feelings. As these feelings are relinquished, the energy that had been holding down the negativity is now freed for constructive uses.” ― David R. Hawkins, Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender Neither … Continue reading Here we go again…
Ridiculousness
So now i'm all pouty because I'm here by myself. MP left for breakfast this morning and never came back (again. Just like yesterday.) He did message me a couple of times. But when i asked about his dinner plans, he told me and didn't ask me if i wanted to come too. Well, fine. … Continue reading Ridiculousness
Wrong Turn
It seems like I am living my life on other people's agendas. And making the wrong decision every time I hit a fork in the road. Not that there have been any disastrous consequences, just not ever quite flowing. Example - yesterday, i planned to get my nails done. Instead, i piddled around making sure … Continue reading Wrong Turn
The Storm Within?
Physically safe and rested again, thank goodness. Fully aware of how privileged i am to have somewhere safe to go and the means to get there. i was super irritated with myself last night as i realized that i was working on everyone else's agenda and ignoring my own. But. Nobody is making me do … Continue reading The Storm Within?
