The Storm Within?

Physically safe and rested again, thank goodness.  Fully aware of how privileged i am to have somewhere safe to go and the means to get there.

i was super irritated with myself last night as i realized that i was working on everyone else’s agenda and ignoring my own.

But.  Nobody is making me do that.  And at least some of the time, it’s not even helpful.

I got this far in the blog post and then read this article.  The Minimalist Doula https://www.lifespandoulas.com/minimalist-doula/

“This was a big challenge, but this is the other side of having good boundaries, this time, as a friend. By nature, I am a carer. I want to jump in and fix things. I am a worrier. I obsess about the things not said and done, like “What if they don’t know xxx and, as a result, xxx happens?” I worry about being clear enough, and obsess about if they know whom to call and when, or if they know they can call me. But this is my challenge. I had to be careful not to make it about me. The difference between being her doula and being her friend was that I did not take the lead. Just like with a client in a doula relationship, I knew it was her journey, their journey, not mine, and I had to trust that they would follow their hearts and it would be alright in the end.”

Wow.

 

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This picture is borrowed from ZenGarndner.com

So i can continue to avoid dealing with my own stuff by focusing on everyone else’s stuff, or i can dig in and do what i need to do for myself.  i need to do at least some of the things i know would be good for me.

Sigh.  Ok, fine, i get it.

But i’m truly having a hard time shutting down the barrage of other people’s emotions long enough to be open to my own.  Or – I’m staying shut down because I’m overwhelmed by other people’s emotions and kind of lost to my own deep feelings.  i know they’re there, i just can’t access them for more than a few seconds.

Sheesh.

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i need – ok, monkey, not my old coat back.  i don’t know what i need.  It’s not that i’m successfully absorbing the emotion around me.  More like i’m trying to shut it out and not succeeding.

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i need to find this space inside my head.

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3 thoughts on “The Storm Within?

  1. What I do is look into my own eyes and just still myself with deep breathing and the feelings come up like waves and I just notice and let it be. I have learned that to block off one emotion is to blunt all of them. You know what you need to do for yourself. Right now there are lots of helpless feelings for me and tension that I can do nothing for my loved ones in the path of the storm. So I breathe and feel so I can be able to trust that everything will be okay. Sending you hugs. And more hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. And that is okay. You need a certain amount of time and energy and sense of safety to go there. Practical needs before ethereal and spirit ones. I will always make time to hold space for you. You have my number 😊

        Liked by 1 person

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