It’s another lovely day here, and I’m enjoying the long weekend, even though I’m working some. I’m also spending time organizing my office some more and getting ready for Christmas, so that’s pretty cool.

We had a lovely Thanksgiving Day, with lots of room for gratitude and love, and I hope you did too. I can’t believe we’re already into Christmas season – where has the year gone?

Just FYI, remember that woman who was going to connect me with a job possibility? And I messaged her once to nudge her to do it, and she was like, “oh, yeah, I will!” Well, since then, nothing. Lol, whatever. In truth, it’s a bit annoying, mostly because she was so gung-ho, can’t wait to connect you when we met. Shrug.

I do have a couple of other opportunities coming up to talk about my own work and maybe recruit some business, which would actually be better.

As I write more about Sofia and Lucas, I find myself thinking (not for the first time) about the connections between BDSM and healing trauma. I wonder if I could do workshops about that at kink events. Wouldn’t that be fun? And then, of course, I thought of the old (stupid) cliche about “those who can, do; those who can’t, teach.” Ok, I don’t get to practice submission. So there probably is an element of that. But if I don’t get to play, would that be a way to connect anyhow? I don’t know.

Then I started figuratively wandering around in quotes about BDSM and found this:

“That’s what’s so ironic about the conservative backlash against BDSMers. With increased visibility comes increased bigotry, and conservatives continue to rally against kinky events by local groups to get them shut down. What the anti-kink fanatics don’t understand about us is that we’re geeks. Sex nerds. SM intellectuals. We pay money to spend a weekend going to classes.”

— Tristan Taormino, Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge

Isn’t that great? And so true. Sex nerds. It just makes me smile. Then I read this one, which takes me along those same lines of thought.

“Fear triggers the fight-or-flight response, fueled by adrenaline, which, as it turns out, is chemically related to amphetamines. Granted, it’s a very different kind of high for mindfuckers: not a mellow, floaty “my vulva is one with the universe” high but a jittery, revved-up “oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck” kind of high. Endorphins are like great downers but adrenaline is uppers all the way. And it’s just as addictive. Don’t believe me? Go ask anyone who likes to jump off bridges or out of airplanes. – Edge

― Tristan Taormino, Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge

All about the science of kink, right? Ultimately, this is the fascination for me. How it works. Why it works the way it does. And how something that has so much in common with trauma can be so healing.

I just spent way too much time trying to diagram this – the intersection of trauma healing and BDSM and sexual arousal. I get these graphics in my mind but I’m so bad at designing them. It can take me a couple of hours to illustrate some concept visually in a way that’s barely adequate. Sigh. I need a visual arts partner.

Anyhow, still wandering through the quotes, I ran across these.

“I’ve been taking it easy on you, kid, can tell you’re having fun. But it’s all sensation to you so far. I haven’t pushed you, taken you out of yourself, looked for that place inside where you give yourself to your top. Sometimes pleasure can take a bottom there, but more often it’s pain that does.”

— Anne Thomas, Just Friends

“It was good for her though, to submit to things that weren’t for her pleasure, but his.”

— Annabel Joseph, Cirque de Minuit

And those actually intersect with arousal and spirituality. Which is a whole other aspect that also fascinates me. And I feel soooo far away from that.