“Pull your pants down to your knees.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Now your panties, yes, down to your knees. Now, lift your sweater. I want to see my belt.”

I obey. Standing in front of him, still wearing my sweater, shoes and socks, but exposed from my waist to my knees, his leather belt encircling me.

“There’s my belt,” he says. “Good.”

Weeks of anticipation and preparation brought me here. In a primitive cabin, in front of a mattress without sheets or comforter, with only a dark blue mattress cover. The mattress rests on a wooden platform, not exactly made for comfort, but as my Sir might say, my comfort isn’t the point right now, is it?

Following his directions, I have laid out on the bed: the wooden spoon, The Tawse, my little pink vibrating dildo, a tube of Arnica cream, and even a bottle of lube. Then he says, “Tell me about each one.”

I pick up the spoon first, holding it up so he can see the contours, tapping it against my palm so he can hear the thud it makes. “The wooden spoon, Sir,” I say.

“Stroke your cheek with it.”

I bring it to my face, gently caress my face with it. It is cool and feels very solid, but the sensation is arousing, already I feel some heat between my thighs, some wetness.

“Good,” he says, “Now stroke your other cheeks.”

I laugh as I bring the spoon behind me, stroking my bottom with the same care I took with my face.

Feeling more aroused.

I am ready for the spankings to begin – I have waited a long time for this. But my Sir is in no hurry.

The Tawse is next. Holding it up, I describe the rivets in the handle, I don’t know the name for them so he instructs me. I show him the firm but supple leather, how it splits both lengthwise and horizontally. I slap my hand with it and feel the sting. He has me caress my inner thighs with it and I shiver with pleasure and anticipation.

The dildo with it’s different speeds. Holding it close so he can hear the buzz.

The arnica cream which he had specifically asked me to bring. And the lube, which is in an embarrassingly large bottle.

Slowly and methodically, he directs me.

Obediently, I take off my belt. Fold it as he has taught me, so the buckle is out of the way and the length is manageable. Holding it as he says,

“Turn around.”

“Bend forward, yes put your left hand on the bed.”

“Begin with the belt, but lightly. Just a little warm up now.”

And so it begins.

I expect the pace to pick up now, harder with the belt, then The Tawse, and the spoon, until I can’t take anymore, I call yellow and pretty soon we’re done.

That is not at all what happened.

Yes, harder with the belt, but then a pause. He directs me to take off my socks and shoes, my pants

A bit more with the belt. Two sets of 12 on each side. It begins to really sting.

A pause. “Turn around.”

Facing him again, I am so heated, I ask to take my sweater off.

He agrees and I savor the relief of cooler air on my skin.

“Turn around,” he says again. There is more of the belt. I am hitting much harder now, making little noises as it lands.

He has me face him again. “Put your hands behind your back.”

Surprised and curious, I obey.

“Now unfasten your bra,” and I laugh, yes, of course.

“And now you are naked,” he says. “Completely bare.”

Feeling even more that way, I murmur, “Yes, Sir.” He sees me.

The shame I might feel about my body slips away as he talks to me, he does see me.

Often with a Dom, there is a tremendous relief in having someone see – acknowledge and accept – my submission. That is part of the joy of being in a D/s relationship or even a kinky environment. The part of myself that is usually hidden gets set free and welcomed. I have often thought this meant they were seeing all of me.

It is different with my Sir. He sees my submission and accepts it, and he sees the rest of me too. Not just my submission, but who I am at my core. I am seen.

I will stop here. There is more to tell, too much for one post. I’ve needed time to be able to write this much. My first experience with my Sir, in real time and with complete privacy, was an intense experience that touched me to the core.

I’m glad that I’m able now to begin to share. I’ll be back with more.