No, I’m not in trouble with my Sir. At least, I don’t think I am. I guess I could be after he reads this. But this is not the kind of thing we’ve ever talked about, so I don’t really know how he’ll feel about it.

{Well, by the time you read this, I will know, because I’ll send it to him before I publish it. Not because he requires that, but because I want him to know what’s going on with me first.}

Anyhow. I could have titled this something like Erotic Book Review; that would also have been accurate. Or Spanking Stories I Love – although I might already have a page called that. I’ll have to look.

Yes, I’m stalling.

But ok, here’s what happened.

I’ve been looking for erotica. Not romantic stories with some kink. Not adventure stories with some kink. It doesn’t have to be well-written and it doesn’t need a lot of character development. I’m picky, but my standards aren’t exactly high. I just want something to ‘stoke the fires’ on those nights when my Sir has given me permission to ‘take care of myself.’

I haven’t had to buy a lot of books for this search, thanks to Kindle Unlimited. {Yes, Amazon is the epitome of the evil empire, but I can’t give up my quick access to free books.}. So I’ve been getting books, reading part of it, and returning it. Picking more books… reading some… and returning them.

Until – one day earlier this week – Wednesday maybe – I discovered books by Emily Tilton. The first one I read was His Naughty Bride. It’s from her Shamefully Courted series.

Y’all. I’m not saying you should get these books. They may not be your flavor of kink at all. And in some ways, they aren’t mine either. The story line (loose story line) is a town where the women are submissive and obey their Dominant husbands who spank them and use them sexually. i have strong feels against the ‘all women are submissive’ idea, and they distance themselves from that just enough to make it palatable. Pretty much the whole story is about the process of this Dominant husband training his submissive (but she doesn’t realize it yet) wife. The women (so far, in the ones I’ve read) have been raised to be ‘innocent’ and not know anything about sex until their wedding night, when their new husband ‘claims’ them.

Y’all. The town is run by a company that studies sexuality and sells tools and toys and – well, I won’t go on about that. But they make sure everyone’s signed a contract giving consent and they help the husbands understand how to train their wives, when they need help. The men are always very loving and caring – even while they’re doing some harsh training.

That training plays out in ways that hit just about every submissive spot in my psyche. For me, it is perfect one-handed reading.

So that sounds like good news, right? And maybe it would be, but —

I can’t get enough of them. Can’t quit reading them. Seriously. I can be a bit compulsive about reading anyhow, but this has gotten ridiculous. And maybe even the reading would be ok, but (here’s the bad part) it keeps me turned on. Simmering.

All the time.

Wet. Horny. Frustrated.

And I’m not allowed to have an orgasm without permission.

Sir has been generous. I had permission Thursday, and I got permission again Friday, which was kind of amazing. But – but – what am I going to do tonight?

I don’t know. Every time I finish a book, I start a new one. I know I could stop – but I can’t. And this Emily Tilton person has tons of books – not just Domestic Discipline ones, she has some that take place at the office, and those are really good too. I want to read them all.

What’s a girl to do?

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Well. Apparently my Sir has the answer to that question. I sent him the post – and got this response:

I’m smiling with amusement. 

Nothing wrong with erotica.

Nothing wrong with one-handed reading.

Just amusement at how subs have a knack for letting it be known what they need even when it’s really not what they want. 

So do keep on reading. But don’t ask for an orgasm for a week. Then we’ll see. 

It’s true – that is not what I wanted – or expected. But if he says that’s what I need, all I can say is, “Thank you, Sir.” With a tiny sigh. It’s going to be a long week.