I am fascinated and often delighted by the variety of ways we can define our sexuality. Sir has been researching some terms for himself (which I won’t share, although he has indicated how he identifies on his Fetlife profile.) But I’ve been thinking about myself today and who I’m attracted to.

Yes, I like labels. I don’t care about labeling you, but I do like labels for myself, even though I may add a bunch of qualifiers.

Here are some labels I claim:

• Female I definitely identify as female, although I am non-conforming when it comes to gender roles. I tend to be nurturing and receptive, intuitive and imaginative, which are yin or female traits. But I don’t cook or clean particularly well, I’m not good with make-up, and generally don’t wear any. I love children but am glad mine are grown. I don’t even like to shop.
• Heterosexual Not even bi-curious.
• Submissive – although as I get older, I could possibly occasionally be a switch. Or a top.
• Demisexual – Needing an emotional bond to feel sexually attracted. I don’t necessarily need the emotional bond to feel attracted to someone, but I definitely need it before I’m interested in having sex with them. I am often attracted to “Charming Scoundrel” types. But I feel a pull toward that type and it may develop into full-blown sexual attraction if the emotional connection develops. I don’t think there’s a term for that… yet.
• Sapiosexual – Sexually attracted to highly intelligent people. This is just one component of qualities I’m attracted to. Or maybe it doesn’t quite apply – I’m drawn to people who enjoy learning, who see a wide range of perspectives, who can think abstractly, who like exploring ideas and new approaches to the world. It’s not about IQ or degrees, it’s how they navigate in the world. I can appreciate “street smarts” as well as “book learning” and I don’t think they’re mutually exclusive. My appreciation of street smarts has sometimes led me to some interesting relationship choices.

I’m thinking about all of this much more than I usually would because of Sir’s continuing interest in adding a third to our relationship. He would like someone local who would participate in some of our sessions, as well as interact separately with me at times. I’m not sure I want that, and of course he’s not going to insist. But it continues to come up as a possibility. So I’m thinking about what that might look like.

Just putting it out into the universe here… My life has taken so many turns lately, there’s no telling what will happen next!