More about Spanking

/ olivia

I’ve been thinking about the changes in myself this time around with Sir X.

I like to think of myself as a gentle, easy-going person, kind and non-judgemental. And in some ways, I think that’s accurate. However…

I can also be opinionated, stubborn, rigid, and difficult. I know – shocking, right?

I think that in the early days of my kink, I didn’t own how much I just like spanking. Somehow, I looked on it as part of being submissive. It was only ok to want it if my Dom wanted to spank me – if he initiated. I think there were some times that I was required to ask for a spanking, but not usually.

I hated the idea of being called a Spanko. It just seemed – ugh, I don’t know, so not cool, not ok.

As I’ve mentioned recently, I refused to even consider the possibility of self-spanking. No matter how much I longed to be spanked, the idea of resolving that myself was not even allowed on my radar. Of course, Sir Jon brought that limit tumbling down, thank goodness.

Since then, I realized that:

  • Given the option of no spanking at all, I would self-spank now, even without a Dom telling me to. I’d try it anyhow, just to see if the physical aspect would be helpful.
  • I am a Spanko. I still don’t like that term, it seems deragatory, but it doesn’t matter. It is: “A person with a fetish for spanking, usually but not exclusively sexual“. Yes, raising my hand, that is me.
  • I just like being spanked. Yes, it does hurt, no, I don’t actually like the pain – but even seconds afterwards… In fairness, I could be hit much harder or with instruments that were more painful, no doubt. I don’t know how that would land. (Pun intended.). I’m not being punished – Sir wouldn’t punish me with a spanking anyhow. So probably that would be different, and I might not like it. But right now? I am perfectly happy.

Anyhow, all this makes me wonder why it was such a big deal before that I adhere to whatever rigid, arbitrary, simaginary rules I had created for myself. AND it makes me wonder what rigid, arbitrary I’m still living by! How could my life be better if I were able to set myself free in other ways?

22 thoughts on “More about Spanking”

  1. Hi Olivia,

    I think the word itself sounds flippant maybe? Not the actual definition, but spanko. Why doesn’t it end in ‘phile’ like Dendrophile or Thalassophile ? It might be easier for those who identify with those traits to connect with the word then. It is obviously a deep rooted need/desire/want of many people, you’d think the powers that be would have put more thought into it. Lol

    As for waiting to accept who you are, it’s probably just like so many other aspects in our lives, all in due time. I wished I owned my submission much earlier than I did and embraced it instead of hiding it ( or so I thought). I like to think some roadblocks and unhappiness could have been avoided, but one never really knows. I suppose the point is, we’re here now- time to embrace wholeheartedly what we now know!

    💕w

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    • You’re right, the word does sound flippant – and kind of rude, in my mind. Spankophile does sound more serious! And this post is probably the last time I’ll use that word.

      And you’re right that we can’t rush understanding and insight, much less change in ourselves. It just makes me want to be more open to the possibility that when I’m all rigid about how I’m going to show up, I might want to soften a little and consider other possibilities. 💜

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  2. Olivia,

    I have to say that “Spanko” is a completely new word for me, and not one that I will be adopting anytime soon. I predominantly go by brat, “Sammie” or “SAM” – a Smart-Assed Masochist. If you don’t like “Spanko”, don’t use it, there are frankly better, pre-existing options out there. Even “spankee” or “masochist” would be perfectly valid, and might resonate more with you.

    Personally, I’ve never liked “slut” – it’s so overused, it’s almost banal. Almost every Dominant man seems to call his submissive woman a slut, and that’s not for me. I like a man with an ounce of creativity 😉

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    • Thanks for the suggestions for alternate labels, Helen! SAM definitely seems to fit you – I love that! And you’re right, I won’t be using the S–O word anymore. Maybe I’ll quit trying to find the right label altogether.

      It’s interesting about the word slut. It’s a culturally iconic word (although not in a positive way) and I think it has layers of connotation for both men and women. I can understand you rejecting it completely. In fact, that might be my next blog post… Thanks!
      💜

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  3. Hi Olivia, I don’t really like the term either, but also put my hand up. I am a spanko. I didn’t want to admit that to myself or embrace it.

    Arbitrary ‘self rules’. There are a number of things I thought I would never do which I since have. One of those being asking for a spanking. As Willie said, I think that happens in time, as we are ready to expand our experiences.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    • Ha, I feel like I’m in good company then, Roz!

      We do end up doing things we never thought we’d do. And it seems like we can’t predict what those things are going to be or when/how it will happen. I do think there’s a call to check myself when I have a rigid rule about something, just to see if it’s really important or not, you know? But maybe it doesn’t matter. I dont’ know…

      💜

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  4. This is another one where words have their objective meaning and their connotation. My attitude towards spanking is so complex I was able to write about it frequently and always have something new to say or explore. So in a quick conversation, how can you convey the reality of what being this way means? Instead, especially among likeminded people, you just say ‘spanko’ and everyone has enough of an idea to understand what you mean and you can then keep the conversation moving.

    Personally I think the words is goofy and sounds too much like a brand of breadcrumbs to have the edge I would want for the word that describes me, but when I’m in a lighter mood, I can say “I’m a spanko,” and shrug off the silliness of the word itself.

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    • It is goofy!!! A brand of breadcrumbs – that’s too funny, but actually sounds just right.

      You’re right – it’s a quick and easy label that conveys meaning and keeps the conversation going. And like you, I can accept it with more of a shrug these days rather than an urge to argue.

      Love you input. 💜

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  5. Our likes are all defined by borders either we place, or are placed for us. These are often based on who we are to others and who we think we are ourselves and more often than not, these aren’t as accurate or as useful as we think they are. I feel that periodically we need to reassess these internal boundaries and see what still works, if they ever did.

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    • Exactly! It’s in the reassessing that we’re able to change and grow. I find that too often I don’t realize that I’ve locked myself into some tiny box on something until the box blows up… Of course, good therapists often reflected my rules back to me in a way that helped me see them more clearly and be able to reassess them. 💜

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      • Same thing with me after my breakdown, my borders were challenged and then redrawn. I have realised since that this is part of an ongoing process and I recognise there’s still work to be done.

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      • True
        If you’re lucky people you encounter in your life help with that. We’re all in a constant state of becoming, the magic is, I don’t know if we ever know what it is we’re becoming

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      • Oh, but it’s not the end that really matters – the treasure is the journey, at least in my mind! And if we’re becoming in line with who we really are – if we’ve tapped into our own integrity and deepest self – then I don’t think we can get too far off track.

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    • That is such a lovely thing to say!! Thanks for sharing the thought. And the compliment! Years ago, I used to imagine having a bloggers conference where we could all get together and talk about things. I still think about that sometimes… 💜

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      • A magic place

        over your knee,

        where stars and hornets come rolling home

        over the tide of your spanks –

        a perfect sting storm,

        synchronised to the howls I take flight on…

        such a magnificently intimate ouchiness.

        Yeah, I see your point: all that… and they go with “spanko” 😂

        Liked by 1 person

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