If you read my friend Nijntje’s blog, (and if you don’t, you should), then you know that her Master has required her to wear her chastity belt again for some specified hours of the day. It’s a lovely part of their dynamic.

I don’t have a chastity belt (although I wonder about it when I read Nijntje.). But – well –

Here’s what happened.

My Sir has been helping me make some changes in my life. Changes I’d been trying to make for a really long time. He suggests how I might approach the change. If I’m interested in doing what he suggests, he may offer to hold me accountable for following through.

If I accept his offer, then it’s a rule. He doesn’t use the word rule, but he doesn’t need to. Being held accountable is not something to take lightly

This is my first experience with rules outside of kinkiness. I’ve written about having this kind of rules, fantasized about it, and dreamed of it. But I’ve never been sure I really wanted to give anyone that kind of control. I long to be controlled and I push back against it, often at the same time.

But now, I have a morning routine that includes a consistent meditation practice. I spend time moving my body every morning. Doing this feels good, and it makes me a better, happier person.

If you’ve known me a while, you know that I can struggle with sleep. Awake at two am, I read or write for a while, then go back to bed. Awake at 4:00 a.m., I just get up and start the day. Up at 5:00 or 5:30 has been normal for me.

But then I’m tired. I can run on half-empty, but it’s not ideal. Coffee was always my friend, but now that I’ve given up caffeine, I can’t even get a coffee-buzz to boost me through the day.

Anyhow. Sir offered to help me sleep better. I said, yes, please, my Sir.

So he suggested I gather my thoughts before I went to bed and write down any that might bother me during the night and do the same if I woke up during the night. And I wasn’t supposed to get up til 6:00.

Only I forgot to do it. And then I messaged him before six o’clock. Well, I thought it was almost six. He didn’t think 5:44 was almost 6:00.

So I had forgotten to gather and write down my thoughts. But:

Me: I’ll do better remembering it tonight.

Him: You will.

Those words – something about them – felt heavy. A warning.

Me: But I “took care of myself” last night – and that always helps me sleep better. 😊

Him: We will discuss.

That was all he said, but I knew I was in trouble.

Reasonably so. Not only had I disobeyed him, I had been almost flippant about it. Sigh. I am not getting Submissive of the Year this year either…

He was pleased that I had slept well, but his next message:

Sir: However there will be no more ‘taking care of yourself’ until further notice. Tell me tomorrow how you get on with gathering your thoughts before sleeping tonight. Are we clear?

Me: {Gulp} Yes, Sir! Perfectly clear!

Sir: For the record I would prefer it to be me that takes care of you. We’ll see what can be done. When I’m ready.

Those words thrill my submissive heart. When I read them again now, I can feel his control tightening around me. The sense of being contained that I love. Of course, when he tells me I can’t, I desperately want to. I am suddenly hot and wet and need to touch myself, to satisfy myself. With a little sigh, I resign myself to waiting.

I don’t know what to expect next, but I know there will be more. In the meantime I gather my thoughts at night and “park them” in the notebook next to my bed. The first night, I fall asleep easily, and when I wake up, I go back to sleep easily. I don’t get up until 6 a.m. It’s the same on the second night. And the third. It starts to feel good.

But I’ll read someone else’s blog or a novel with spanking, and think ‘oh, I’ll take care of myself tonight’ – and then ‘oh! No, I guess I won’t.’ Which makes me want to even more.

The next morning, as we are chatting about my morning routine and how well it’s going, I feel optimistic, emboldened by my good behavior:

Me: Also, I am wondering when I might be allowed to have an orgasm again… Or should I say when you will “take care of me” in that way.

Sir: That will be my decision. How have you been sleeping?

I smile, the shiver of arousal starting at my core, rolling through me. Of course it’s his decision. His response feels like a caress – a reminder that I am in his hands. And I squirm. It would be so nice to touch myself… but no. He goes on to ask me how I’m sleeping. I’m glad to be able to tell him about my success, as I’ve done the last couple of mornings. Then

Sir: Sounds good. You’ve done well. 🤗 Next time you get alone time do two rounds of 12 each side with the belt then two rounds each side with the tawse. Then (and not before) you may take care of yourself and report back. Until then wear your belt at every opportunity. Message me every time you put it on and tell me where (pants, under kaftan…) and when you take it off.

Me: Ohhhhh, yes, Sir! 🤗🤗

What else can I say? I can’t describe the lovely sensation of slipping into submission, feeling the magic of opening to his energy – his power. In that moment, I am more fully his. Taken in Hand, they say in DD, I think they mean this feeling of being held firmly. Wrapped in him.

I wish I could end with the story of how I got alone time, and followed the directions – the belt, the tawse, a lovely orgasm. But I’m still waiting for the opportunity. Sigh.

Obediently, every morning, I put on my belt. Not a chastity belt… but it might as well be! A reminder that I am not ‘taking care of myself’, but being taken care of.