This is a lesson for me, not intended to apply to anyone else. Although if it does apply to you. that’s lovely.
Last night was playtime here in the Land of olivia and Sir X. There was more exploration, more spanking, and even orgasms. It was another wonderful sense of letting go of my regular life for a bit. I slept soundly, which is also a treat.
Today, I was reliving the experience, as one does, when I had a flash of insight. I’ve been measuring Sir X’s dominance against some imaginary standards in my own mind. Not so much against Sir Jon, but against the archetype of Dom – myths, facts, fantasies, and dreams – all swirled up together. Looking for the places he fits and doesn’t fit that pattern.
And I’ve been sort of measuring him on how submissive he makes me feel.
But maybe that’s not the right standard.
Maybe I don’t need to measure him at all.
Maybe I just need to submit to doing what he tells me to do.
Last week, there was something he wanted me to do 4 times. I only did it twice. When he asked me about it, I admitted I’d only done it twice and made an excuse about how he needed to make me tell him when I’d done it or I’d forget. He didn’t say much, and I was disappointed.
When he was paddling me, he had said he was going to count to 40. But he didn’t count out loud, and when I was sure he was way over 40, I said, as casually as I could be, bent over the bed, in between whacks, “Um, I think that’s more than 40, Sir.” And he said, “Oh, is it? How would you know? You can’t even count to 4, I’m pretty sure you can’t count to 40!” And he said it lightly, but whacked me hard, and it made me laugh, but I understood.
So in my mind, I wanted him to tell me that I needed to let him know every time I did this thing he wanted me to do and maybe set consequences or some such. That is probably not going to be his way. But it did matter that I didn’t do it, and he didn’t think it was ok. I don’t know what he’ll do if I don’t do it this week. BUT that’s not my problem.
It’s not actually up to him to make me do what he says. Yes, we like that narrative – I do, anyhow. But if I’m submissive (which I am) and if he’s my Dom (which he is) then it’s actually up to me to obey. I know that vanilla romance novels are not real life – I need to remember that kinky romances aren’t either.
What if I just submitted myself to his style of Dominance? And tried to let go of the idea that I know what he’s “supposed” to do… What if I assumed that what he’s doing is how it’s supposed to be? Where would that take us?
Olivia 
YES! This lesson 100% applies to me. I get so caught up in expectations and what I think Sir should be doing with me… that sometimes I fail to see what he is actually doing, and how it benefits both of us for me to submit to his style of domination (and not my per-conceived idea). I LOVE how he addressed your disobedience during the paddling, so casually, letting you know that he WAS paying attention.
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Yeah, it’s really easy to do – expect them to live up to our own made-up expectations. Lol, I liked Sir X’s style with this too this time! 💜
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You know how many times I have said to B and a few friends, “I don’t think I am really that Submissive if I feel I need a consequence for not submitting”. Of course that quote is out of context and oversimplified, but it’s been a thought I’ve had.
There is an eroticism to thinking about consequences if we haven’t done something, but honestly in real life the consequences actually suck anyway! Lol.
There have been so many times I’ve bitten my tongue thinking what B was going to do wouldn’t be effective, and often it surprised me- either because it was, or what he did was not at all what I thought he would.
I think some of the most challenging submissive moments are trusting the process, and surrendering our minds to their way of thinking for the dynamic. B was the ask/tell guy for so long. He would ask me to do something, which is not at all like Doms in books. It never meant he was giving me an option, it just sounded like it. But that’s who he is!.
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My response to your comment apparently disappeared, and it is by a fluke that I’m even realizing it. 🙄
There is an eroticism to consequences! And you’re right, they are not actually all that much fun for real.
I love this line: “… some of the most challenging submissive moments are trusting the process, and surrendering our minds to their way of thinking for the dynamic.” And really, that’s the heart of it isn’t it?
💜
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Hi Olivia, oh yes. A lesson for me too! This is a quick test comment on my phone. For some reason I cant access your blog on my tablet now. I dont know why, will have to look into it.
Hugs
Roz
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My stupid blog. I don’t know why it gives you such a hard time. Smh… Glad the comment worked on your phone! 💜
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