The 2nd Wednesday

/ olivia

Yesterday was Wednesday. The second time that Sir X followed a script devised by Sir Jon and spanked me, live and in person. This time the script involved the flogger, a belt, and a heavy strap. Sir Jon is experimenting with finding the line between pleasure and pain for me. 

Sir X is really embracing this poly arrangement, and I’m so grateful for that. It’s been a process and there were a few days when I wasn’t sure we’d manage it. But all is well. He shared that he likes having the script from Sir Jon, because one of the things that has been difficult for him in the past is not wanting to hurt me. Even though that’s what I love – well, to a point. This way, Sir X has some guidance on how far to go.

So belts and floggers and straps, oh, my!! Did I mention that I love those! Getting flogged was like being caressed – with a bit of sting and intensity. It is absolutely the best warm up ever. Then the light belt – stinging, burning a bit, but ohhhhh, so good. The heavier strap was more difficult but pretty bearable. So I don’t know why I bailed after the second round of 10 or maybe the third round? In any case…

We didn’t really find that pleasure/pain line. Because at one point, I thought, ‘Oh, that’s enough,’ and I had been given the option of stopping. I feel bad about that now. And confident that we’ll make up for that next time. But, oh, this was so much fun. The slap of the belt – mmmmmm. Some intensity, yes, some pain, of course. You don’t get whacked with a belt a bunch of times and not feel pain. But – what a lovely intensity, mixed with the pleasure of pain…

It’s funny, isn’t it? I was quite happy last night, having thoroughly enjoyed the spanking, feeling close to Sir X and Sir Jon, sort of wrapped in affection. Today, i”m like, “Argh! I should have gone longer, taken more, why did I stop then?” I think maybe I’m a bit greedy today? Or feeling guilty because Sir Jon wanted me in tears, and I was not even close? Um, probably guilt. You know, I grew up Catholic, we do guilt better than anyone.

(Edited to add: My thoughts on Catholic guilt is that I learned not to let guilt motivate me too much – there are so many things one can feel guilty about… I’m not going to go far beyond my limits for anyone. Shrug, I can notice the feeling of guilt and just nod at it, and go on. I did want to test my limits though, and I didn’t do that.)

I mentioned to Sir X that next time, he might try encouraging me to take more. He assured me he would do that. I’m sure Sir Jon will have some helpful input as well… um, ok, maybe more than that, I don’t know… we haven’t talked yet. Now I’m feeling a bit nervous. We’ll see… I mean –

Did youall see the new “DomEd” section on his blog? He’s posted a PDF: “To help a submissive learn better patience and gratitude.” Yikes! Nora has and will continue to collaborate on the lessons – and y’all know she has that streak of mean Domme in her! Between the two of them, they’ve devised quite the plan and I’m sure it will be effective. Fortunately, I am already patient and grateful and don’t need that particular experience. 🥰

mask, handcuffs, tasseled whip

22 thoughts on “The 2nd Wednesday”

  1. I can only speak from experience, Olivia, but do think about your limits, too. Never feel guilty for having limits, they are there to keep us safe.
    If you want more, if you want tears, great, go for it. If that’s not what YOU want then you have every right to say no. Good luck.

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  2. Well, this isn’t in order, but it is in what my mind wants to talk about. Again I’m not sure what your past held for you, and honestly I suppose in the case of reactions we shouldn’t probably look there anyway as we all change. I am not a crier because of physical pain. If I do end up crying it is usually after as a release or during but because of what B has said. For example if next time Sir X encourages you to take more or to let go,that would have me cry. Well maybe not the encouragement to take more as B doesn’t care lol. If he wants more he takes it- different dynamic of course.

    I think it’s excellent that Nora be involved in helping Doms! I don’t know her well enough to know about a Domme side, but I think if Dom’s really want to know submissives and affecting their mindset they should go to the source. I have had many a conversation with many a Dom about how *I* see and feel things and why. Many were surprised . Also it’s easier to sometimes hear another sub vs your own subs.

    As for stopping. Perhaps it had nothing to do with pain at all- which is why you feel guilty. ( Catholic survivor over here as well lol). Perhaps it was the fear of letting go. There are different types and stages of letting go ( that I have experienced anyway) and maybe a part of you didn’t feel ready to let go on this level. There is submission that you give, but there is also submission that is taken from you. ( just reiterating something you probably are already aware of for the purpose of clarification). One can be challenging, the other far more difficult when you can still control it. Hmm. That is probably as clear as mud.

    One time B told me that I was going to determine when it ended. Don’t get me wrong if I actually said stop because of a real reason in a different situation, he would. But this particular time ( I think I once wrote about it maybe I could send you part of it via email) he let me control it. It completely messed me up! Lol. I spent most of the time trying to dissect in my mind. “This hurts, I want it to stop, but do I need it to continue? will he be disappointed? Is this submission to call an end, even though he told me to? What does it say if I stop ? ” In the end I think I just cried or got angry or both.

    I’m with Helene regardless – there is no room for guilt, only growth.

    willie

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    • As always, I’m glad when you share what’s on your mind. I am not a crier either and have told Sir Jon that – which is why I had the option of ending the scene before I cried, which is why I ended early.

      I actually find it very hot to be asked to take a little bit more “for me” by Sir, both now and in the past. And like you, the time your Sir told you to decide, I may have spent too much time asking myself, “is it now? What about now?” In any case, my limits weren’t tested, which is what I had agreed to .

      And you’re right, the stopping wasn’t really about the pain – and may have been about not wanting to fully let go. Hmmmm, more food for thought. Thanks, Willie!
      💜

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      • Your post had me go back to 2016 to reread mine. I understand completely what you are saying. When B told me to tell him when to stop I said ( in the post) – it took me from the journey to let go ( where my tears lie) to critical analysis mode. Lord knows the last thing *I* need to do is THINK more. Lol

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      • Thanks for sharing this, Willie. I appreciate that you understand. And yes, it goes into critical analysis mode!! Exactly. And like you, I don’t need to think more either! 💜

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  3. My Good Girl. You did wonderfully in this session, no need for guilt. I counted two or three times you got “close.” I know how to improve it for the next time, Baby-mine. It was easy to see you were enjoying it. Your body relaxed as the whipping continued. You kept putting your ass up for the next stroke even. How can I be unhappy with such obedience? Thank you for this and all you do for me, Love. 🙂

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  4. I’m so glad to hear the new arrangement is working well Olivia.

    Sounds like it was an awesome session. I find it hard to let go and get that release and damn, the amount of times I wish I had. Ultimately, it’s good you were able to call a halt when you felt you needed to in the moment. It’s so easy to look back after and think “I could have taken more”, but it’s in the moment that counts.

    It is early days of the arrangement and, as Willie said, maybe you just weren’t quite ready yet?

    As for Catholic survivor guilt, in our case Sir is the one with that affliction lol. I’m glad Sir Jon has reassured you that there is no need for guilt.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    • Thanks, Roz. it was an awesome session! And yes, it’s hard to let go – I felt like I was at toward the end. And you might be right – in the moment, it felt right to stop, so maybe it was. Yes, it is early days for sure.

      I’m glad it’s your poor Sir carrying Catholic guilt and not you!

      Yes, I’m glad too that Sir Jon wasn’t disappointed. You know, I didn’t really think he would be, and yet that anxiety comes up.
      💜

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  5. So many questions swirling about in my kinky brain! My mind is coming at this from a variety of angles…what is your experience of being spanked by your former Dom? What does this bring up for you? Is this reigniting the old spark of intimacy between the two of you? And then… what does it feel like to be imagining Sir Jon there with you, when it is actually Sir X in the room? Forgive me for being so intrusive, but you have my mind racing this morning! XOXO

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    • Oh, this is a lot of questions!! Some quick answers – being spanked by Sir X does ignite some of the old intimacy, yes. Even more so because he isn’t languishing in his office “just waiting to die” as he phrased it. This has brought him back to life. I’m not giving up Sir, but he knows that, so it’s ok.

      Because Sir X is following a script from Sir Jon in the spanking – and because Sir X likes having the script because it eases his anxiety about some aspects of this, it seems right and comfortable for me to be thinking of Sir Jon as if he were physically present. People are very odd, I would never have thought this possible, but it’s true.

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      • Thank you for being open to answering my questions, olivia! I am always fascinated by the dynamics between people, and groups of people. I probably was an ethnographer in a different life. LOL. Glad to hear that this is doing some good for MP. I imagine that he’s experienced a lot of depression over the years around his diagnosis. How exciting to have such new and exciting energy in your relationship! And I’m really glad that having Sir Jon in your life is turning out to not just be a positive thing for you, but for the greater scope of your life as well. Isn’t life crazy? I bet just a few months ago you couldn’t have imagined any of this… WILD. 🙂

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      • No problem, they are thought provoking questions and I appreciate that. I’m watching the dynamics with great interest myself! And no, Yes, even Sir X is saying this is going to turn out to be good for us. And NO i could not have imagined all this, even a few months ago. Talk about a plot twist!! Defintely wild. 💜

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