Daily

/ olivia

A bit tired and head-achy this morning – nothing more coffee won’t fix.  Yesterday, I mentally wrote the whole next installment of Wicked Naughty, but this morning, it feels a bit overwhelming to actually write it down. I know, I don’t have to write it for youall, at least that’s what I think you’ll say. But I want to, and will, just not right now.

Sir Jon and I are finding a rhythm to our days, which makes me happy. Every day, I am required to send him a morning message with some private stuff, and my schedule for the day. Each day, he assigns me a particular task – something I’m required to do 3 or 4 times that day. It doesn’t matter what it is, it might involve, oh, you know, sometimes something like touching myself in certain ways and thinking of him. Whatever it is, it is a moment of connection and is always arousing, but not so much that it derails my brain and I can’t get back to work. Oh, I’m also required to message him and let him know each time I’ve done the assignment. 

At night, I can beg for an orgasm if I’d like to have one. Which I would generally like. And I’m willing to beg for it, so there’s that. Often, the permission comes with some kind of instructions on how to reach that peak, and I’m happy to carry that out as directed.

A couple of nights a week, we have special play time, which Sir Jon designs as he sees fit, of course. It is a lovely experience – I mean, probably not everyone would think so, right? But for me, it is.

But last night, something new happened, and I guess that’s what I’m wanting to talk about today. Or really, all of this, although now I’m hearing that scold-y voice in my head that says I’m oversharing. Give me a minute to remind her whose blog this is…

Ok, that’s better.

Yesterday, Sir had given me an assignment that made me feel very connected to him in a heart-centered way. (Yes, the connection is sometimes centered in other parts of my body. 😊). But yesterday, I was just feeling very tender towards him. And I was thinking about wanting to please him, as we submissives are prone to do.

But in the midst of that feeling, this other thought surfaced. I began to think about spankings. And as the day wore on, the thought came up that I needed a spanking. Wanted one and needed one. And the thought kept coming up, almost a craving.

So I took a radical step (for me) and told Sir what I was thinking. I am a little bit embarrassed to admit this, but I did – I asked for a spanking. Fortunately, Sir likes submissive initiative and was willing to administer the spanking immediately. He had me strip, then made me pick which two instruments I would use. I didn’t want to pick, but I did – the spoon and the spatula. Then Sir gave me explicit instructions on the first round, and then the second and so on.

It was not just that I wanted this. I needed it. And at one point, he paused, and asked if I needed more. And I had to tell him that, yes, I did. I don’t know why, but I did.

So he told me to beg for it.

And I did.

Maybe that doesn’t sound like a big deal. But as I was begging, I remembered distinctly, telling him once that I would never, ever beg for a spanking. And in that moment, I felt how firmly he holds me, even with a light touch.

Later, when there were his marks on my ass, I confessed that I liked having been marked. That it made me feel ashamed and proud all at the same time, which makes no sense. He wanted to know more about that, to understand, but I didn’t have words then. Maybe I can find them later, and give them to him. 

So this morning, I thought about how I had left fantasy olivia bent over the massage table, Sir standing by her head, ready to savor the experience, Nora (with a capital N) standing behind her with the belt. But my mind turned to spoons and spatulas and such and this post happened instead.

I don’t think I’m asking for advice, although you’re welcome to share any you have. I don’t even think I need reassurance, although I always appreciate that. I think I just needed to lay this out, to look at it in the light of day, here on my own blog. This is an odd thing I’m doing, and watching myself do it is fascinating and strange, but it is what I want. 

Every day, I wake up curious and excited to see what the day brings. And my heart is full of gratitude for my Sir and how much joy being his brings me. Thank you for the Dom Magic, Sir.

14 thoughts on “Daily”

  1. I really enjoyed this and totally crave that same edge of arousal and embarrassment grinding against one another. All of the feelings you once felt about not being spanked crashing against the arousal you feel about the experience – sooo good! 🔥

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  3. My Sir is always quick to say that he wants me to feel loved and wanted…AND he loves to remind me that he feels it is good for me to feel a bit embarrassed (with him) at times too. Embarrassed by being subject to his gaze, embarrassed by how much I need or want him, embarrassed by how turned on I become after his discipline…. sheesh, I am blushing just thinking of it! I totally get it, my friend ❤ XOXO

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  4. Sorry to hear you were under the weather this morning. I hope the coffee did indeed do thee trick!

    I understand how writing it out on a blog helps. Perhaps someone who has never blogged might wonder why a private journal entry wouldn’t suffice, but there is just something about pressing that publish button that somehow allows us ( me) to hold tight to those feelings I am processing a bit longer.

    “I confessed that I liked having been marked. That it made me feel ashamed and proud all at the same time, which makes no sense.”

    It makes perfect sense to me…and apparently most subs out there. I don’t really know where the shame comes from when it’s not a disciplinary spanking, actually I didn’t have much shame with those – perhaps because the need has physical proof and as much as we try to accept that need within ourselves there is still a small part that feels it’s not right? The pride is easier I think- for me. I endured it! Lol. And then there is the submissive pride when I endure it for HIM specifically. There is less shame for me then. B likes to take pain from me, so in some ways it is the highest form of submission, with concrete proof all over my body.

    Those mixed emotions are ones my Dom friends feed off of. One likes to say, ‘ it keeps us off balance”. It’s hard to wall up for some (again me lol), when you don’t know which way is up.

    I hope you enjoy the rest of your day.

    willie

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    • Thanks Willie, I did feel better once I finished that cup of coffee!

      You’re right about the magic of blogging rather than a personal journal too. Plus, blogging about it leads to helpful and supportive conversations like this one!

      I love that it makes sense to you -that pride and shame part. There are different parts of it, it’s interesting to tease that out. So feel a lot of the same things you’re describing.

      And omg, you’re so right about Doms feeding off those feelings! SO much.

      Thanks so much! It has been a lovely day. 😊

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  5. Hi Olivia,

    I don’t know how many times I have tried to leave this comment. For some reason WordPress doesn’t always want to publish my comments.

    Anyway, here goes. I totally understand the craving for a spanking and the embarrassment and loving the marks. I have asked for more on occasion. For me it’s the aftermath I relish most, having that lasting reminder (depending on the nature and intensity of the spanking).

    It’s so great you were able to tell your Sir what you needed. I so love this for you😊

    As for begging, something I still find hard to do at times, but that’s kinda the point right?

    Hugs
    Roz

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    • Roz, I HATE how difficult wordpress is with you. I wish I could fix it…

      Nice to know that you share this mix of feelings about craving and marks and all of that. The aftermath is pretty lovely too, agreed.

      Thanks, I was pretty pleased that I could ask, and love that you enjoy my successes!

      Lol, this: “As for begging, something I still find hard to do at times, but that’s kinda the point right?” 100% true. And the Doms do love that struggle…
      💜

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  6. Community is a wonderful thing. A personal journal wouldn’t work for me… but I do love (over-)sharing. It’s great that my blogfriends don’t judge.

    As for the spanking… you lucky gal. I’m happy for you. (not that I’m complainin’ over here. It’s just not the best time for it right now.)

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    • And I love that we can (over)share together over the years, like you said, without judgment.

      Thanks for sharing my happiness! I know that your dynamic flows with life circumstances, and there’s a lot to be said for that too. 💜

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