Sitting there, naked underneath the afghan he’s wrapped around me, my ankle cuffs still attached to rings in the floor, ensuring that my knees are wide open, with a man whose name I don’t even know, I can’t believe I’m thinking about staying. Training as a submissive – am I out of my mind? I open my mouth to tell him I want to go home, but —
”I don’t know,” I say. “I don’t know. I think I should go home, But.” He is watching me, no sign of impatience, just watching me. “But I guess… I guess I don’t really want to. I mean. I took a week off work for this. And – and I know it’s stupid, but I really, really wanted to do this.”
He nods. “And you can do it, if you still want to. As long as you don’t let Dylan…” but he stops there and shakes his head. “Never mind that. Let’s talk about what I offer in submissive training and what you want.” He pauses. “I am going to unfasten the straps on your ankles so you can feel the freedom and the weight of your own choice.”
He is on one knee before me, unfastening the straps from the cuffs. I am very aware of his body, so close. His hand brushes my leg and I swallow hard. When he is done, he settles back on the chair. I am still wearing the cuffs, but they are no longer attached to anything. Still naked, covered only by the afghan, and – “I don’t even know your name!” I say, and that pushes me over the edge, I burst into tears.
I am crying, tears running down my face, holding the afghan tightly around me. All the disappointment of the day, and the shame of how this day has gone, are overwhelming.
He watches me, the unnamed man, for a moment. Then he stands, turns the chair around so it’s facing the right way, and sits back down.
“Come here, girl,” he says.
Startled, I stand, move toward him, not sure in that moment what he wants me to do, until he says, “Kneel, right here,” motioning to the floor in front of him. Without thinking, I go down to my knees in front of him. He leans forward and touches my shoulders, letting me lean into him.
I rest my head on his lap and sob.
When I am all cried out, and have used up a half dozen of his Kleenex, I sigh. The last sob has left me. I’m tired, drained of emotion, and suddenly very aware that I am kneeling in front of this man as if… I pull back.
“Good girl,” he says, and I grin at him.
“Thank you, Sir,” I say, feeling just a bit flirty, and even a bit submissive. But also feeling a bit more myself. “So what have I gotten myself into here? And, um, what should I call you?”
He smiled back at me, his green eyes warm and interested. “Training school,” he says. “That’s what you’ve gotten yourself into, although there is still a way out if you want it. And I’m Benjamin Hendrix, Ben to my friends. You may call me. Sir Ben or Master Ben – just Sir or Master is ok too.” He pauses, and then, his voice a bit sharp, he says, “Is that clear?”
“Yes! Yes, Sir!” I say quickly and I feel the tug inside me. It’s funny, I had almost forgotten “the tug”while I was with Dylan, but often when a Dom gave me some kind of direction, I felt an actual pull inside me. When I feel that pull, I pretty much do what they tell me. I had been feeling it from this man, from Sir Ben, since I got here.
He nods, “Good girl,” he says, and the way he says it, I know that I’ll want to hear that from him over and over. “Here, sit back in your chair, up off the floor. If you decide to stay, you’ll spend plenty of time on your knees.” I am flooded with desire, and a little noise, mphf, the sound of longing I think, escapes me.
He puts his hand on my face gently, slides his thumb into my mouth. “Show me,” he says. And I begin to serve him with my mouth, alternately licking his thumb and sucking, gently, then more firmly. I watch his face, trying to read what is pleasing to him. I know I’ve succeeded when he closes his eyes with a little sigh. He pulls his thumb away then, and pats my face.
Now I sigh, feeling bereft. I hope he has been pleased, there was no “ good girl” from him, in fact, he tells me to sit back down. A bit reluctantly, I sit back in the same chair I was in earlier, still wrapped in the afghan.
”Tell me,” he says, “Why you wanted to come here.”
I am embarrassed. Avoiding his eyes, I say, “I don’t know… I just… sometimes I wanted to do more stuff than Dylan did, and he didn’t want to and…” I paused, just remembering how awful that felt, the longing to give and to serve.
Master Ben interrupts the memory, “I want to hear that part, little one, the part you don’t want to tell me. Tell me.”
“Yes, Sir,” I say, with just a touch of reluctance. “I – it’s hard to explain. Sometimes I just had this feeling – it was so strong, it was like it was fierce, I just wanted to really give myself to him. Well,” I paused thinking about that, “I don’t know if it was him I wanted to give myself to, really. But I wanted to give myself to – to someone who wanted to -“ my voice almost trailed off, but I managed to add, “give myself to someone who wanted to take me. Who would want me to obey them and please them. Someone who would…” whispering now, “discipline me. You know, Sir, like punish me when he needed to.”
Then I dared to glance up at him, and he had such a pleased look on his face that I wasn’t afraid for at least a minute.
“Are you ashamed of wanting that?” He asked.
“I – yes. Yes, Sir, I guess I am.”
“That’s ok,” he says. “We will spank the shame out of you,” and he laughs. I laugh too, just a little bit. Then he says, “There’s no shame in wanting to serve. You don’t know yet if you’re a submissive or a slave, and we don’t know what service you can best offer. But training school will help you discern that.”
“Sir,” I say, “Master Ben, I do want to stay. I don’t want to leave. Please.”
He nods. “You need to understand,” he says, “there will be pain. Physical pain, emotional pain. You’ll be kept naked, with the exceptions of cuffs and collars, maybe a corset. You’ll be open to my touch at all times, and to the touch of others when I allow them to do so. We will expect you to obey. To obey me, and to obey my staff, as well as anyone else I allow to direct you. You will have a safe word – one word that stops everything and ends this experience, but also a word that slows things down long enough for you to decide if you’re willing and able to obey and accept whatever is asked of you. Your mouth, your ass, and your cunt will be mine to enjoy and to use as I please.”
Overwhelmed with excitement and terror, so thrilled I can barely believe it’s happening,, all I can say is “Yes, Sir, please.”