i want to try…
finishing the things i start.
Little things – making sure the last dish is in the washer, the pans washed and put away, the table and the counters wiped.
The laundry washed, dried, and put away – the whole load, even the last pillowcase or wash cloth.
Cooking all the food i buy – the green beans and cauliflower AND the corn from the farmers’ market.
Then maybe the big things will follow.
Maybe i can try writing a little bit on my book every day instead of waiting til i’m inspired.
On a whole different note, we have not yet made arrangements to have lunch with RS. i feel like i’m too old, too fat, too ugly to do it. i mean, not to have lunch, i can have lunch, the rest of it, maybe having play time together. Yeah. In my head i know it’s maybe not quite true, but i’m really feeling it.
i haven’t told MP i feel that way, and of course not RS. And i’m not telling you so you can try to talk me out of it, or try to make me feel better.
Funny, isn’t it, that i was laughing about being ageist, but i guess i really am.
i want to tell MP and i want him to say, “Oh, no, that’s not true, i think you’re beautiful.” But he won’t say that. He’ll more likely say, “Well, you know, we’re not young anymore,” and, “Nobody looks like a twenty year old at our age.”which is true, but not the same thing at all. He already told RS that “neither one of us would win any beauty contests.” Which is also true, and kind of makes me laugh, and i certainly can’t dispute it. But still.
If i tell him how i feel, he might say, “We don’t have to do this, you know.” So maybe i don’t even want to do it.
i don’t have anything cute to wear to lunch anyhow.