Sunday Check-in 5-15

i can’t seem to hold my goals in my head – or keep them in front of me the way i’d like to. i wasn’t as productive as i’d like to be this week, i didn’t do any of the things that i’ve talked about wanting to do.

i’ve exercised a couple of times, but not as often as i need to, and now even my doctor is pushing me to exercise/diet.  That raises all my “you can’t make me, you’re not my boss” impulses, which is not really helpful.  Sigh.  i mean, it’s not like he’s telling me to do something bad for me.

Oh, i did meditate some, but not every day.  But more formally than i had been, so that’s not terrible.

i didn’t blog anywhere except here.

i’ll do better this week.  i need to make a chart or something so i can track what i’m supposed to be doing.  That’s not a bad idea, right?

Or maybe i need an accountability group.  Anybody wanna work together on meeting our goals??  We could be submissive sisters – or something – NOT to be confused with sorority sisters, which i never, ever wanted to be.  We could even be submissive sisters and brothers.  But i need to – i want to – do better.

And it’s a new day.  A new week.  Hmm, i wonder if there’s a way to put a chart or a graph on here, as a page maybe.  but to use that as a way to be more accountable.  i know that i need to be open to finding ways to do better, i don’t think berating myself or gritting my teeth and feeling miserable is going to be helpful.  Working on being open instead.

This picture is borrowwed from

Borrowed From Zen Gardner

i think i need to focus smaller (i know, someone told me that about 20 posts ago) and i’ll try that this week.  Just 3 things – exercise and meditate every day, do one blog post that is not on here this week.

But – ok, here’s a thing, i was reading the blog post at Zen Gardner about openness.  It says, correctly:

Openness is the state of pure attention, which is not narrowed down by any kind of a desire. This consciousness is not focusing on anything, it does not aspire to get anywhere, it plainly and simply is here and now.

So if that’s true, and it is, then when i focus my sights on a goal, i end up in an endless search for an endless series of goals.    His article is worth reading, you can find it here, The Power of Openness.  But he ends with this:

In the state of openness the fire of desire is not burning in us, our glance is not blocked and obscured by various opinions and thoughts, our hopes are now in ashes, because after a great deal of suffering, we have finally realized that our hopes are the sources of all our suffering.

We then discover that the Miracle, the openness we have been searching for, has been there with us right from the beginnings, we just locked it up behind the bars of our intentions.

So, at least in my head right now, this seems like a dialectic – a metaphysical contradiction between the two concepts – being purposeful and goal focused contradicting practicing radical acceptance and openness to the universe.  There’s nothing wrong with having contradictory views, the goal is to  bring them together, to wrap my mind around both of them.

My tendency has been to err on the side of openness and receptivity, and that has served me pretty well – except when it comes to diet, exercise and self-discipline.  (laughs ruefully)  Ok, so maybe i need a Zen Master as much as a BDSM Master.  There’s something to think about.  In the meantime, let me go see if i can make an accountability page with some kind of chart…

13 thoughts on “Sunday Check-in 5-15

  1. This blog allows you to have separate pages; you could post your chart there.
    What is wrong with this blog that your goal is to blog somewhere else?
    As regards the duality: “there is no attainment with nothing to attain.”
    After a very long time, I came to realize that although Buddhism in general stresses the abolition of desires, Zen gave me the insight to realize that my slavery to my desires was the problem.
    If there is attachment or identification with desires, you suffer. You must be indifferent to the outcomes, because they will always change eventually. Nothing lasts forever, good or bad. Celebrate it or endure it, but if you become too engrossed in any of it, you will suffer.
    There is nothing wrong with desires. They give us a sense of purpose, drive, and energy.
    Oh yeah, and by the way, here’s a news flash: Suffering does not follow JUST desire, it follows ALL existence.
    Do not separate Good or Bad with labels. Put it all down.
    It has been said that words or labels create opposites, which can create disagreement; if you open your mouth to speak, already you are wrong.
    In the world before words, we are all the same. Strong opinions lead to disagreements.
    How many people does it take to create world peace?
    Have you ever seen or heard of the wheel of Zen? It goes in 45 degree increments of Form is form, emptiness is emptiness, form is emptiness, emptiness is form, no form, no emptiness. Freedom Mind (a realm of Majick and Madness) where everything is possible, back to everything is Just Like This; Form is form, emptiness is emptiness.
    There is no hurry. You will understand once you experience it.
    The snake sheds its skin when the snake sheds its skin. Nothing can be hurried.
    All is allusion created by the mind. Everything is temporal; impermanence rules the universe, it is the nature of change.
    Brother, sister, submissive/dominant, Zen Master…more labels. Negative energy attracts more negativity, and vice versa.
    Love can teach you how to trust your heart, devoid of desires.
    There are many people here who can help you; just accept them as they are.
    Everything you need, you already have; everything you need to know, you already know. It is all you. You just need to find it according to its season.
    Good luck in your quest/your journey.
    Chazz Vincent

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hi, Chazz Vincent,

      Thank you for the thoughtful comment and for sharing your wisdom.

      I did post my chart on a page here – the way this theme is set up, you have to click on the “widgets” block to see things like my pages and so on, but it’s already there. I’m quick to do things like that!

      Nothing is wrong with this blog -I have a blog on my professional website and one for the organization I work for and a personal one – those are the ones I’m neglecting.

      Much of what you say is familiar to me, it’s living it that’s the challenge. But your words remind me to relax and let myself be too. So thank you for that.


      Liked by 1 person

  2. Part of me wants to go, “ooh! ooh! Let’s join together!”… but the problem is that that won’t do diddly. Being accountable to someone else doesn’t work for me – brings on an attitude much like you towards your doctor: “Ppphhht! You can’t tell me what to do!”

    Unhappily, I only accept being accountable to myself.
    It’s no one else’s job to control me, nor do I want it to be. (Well, it’s a lovely fantasy… I just know that, in reality, it doesn’t work and I hate it, so why set myself up for failure?)

    It’s hard, tho’. Especially when you’re depressed and everything feels too overwhelming, you want someone to waltz in and make it all manageable, don’t you? And, depressed or not, I’m always remarkably lenient on myself for someone who’s so self-critical. ;-p

    Baby steps, sunshine.
    Baby steps.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah, i know. i’d probably be the same way for real – not so good at being accountable to someone else.

      Do i sound depressed? Mostly i’m just frustrated with myself, if i don’t count those stupid self-care things, my life is fine. Oh, except i’m always telling other people to practice self-care, which is what makes me a bit hypocritical.
      Yep, baby steps. 🙂
      Thanks, Jz. Virtual hugs your way (since i would know better than to offer real ones.) 🙂


  3. i use wunderlist, which is a free app. You can share it with anyone you want, make small goals in different folders, and change the priority levels as often as you need to. It keeps me focused and feeling happy because i get to check things off all day long. 🙂 Yes, i’d be interested in joining because i have been thinking about getting back to daily yoga. i already have meditation and reiki classes on my daily chores list. i’m also thinking about buying something like a fitbit, though my phone tracks my steps already.

    As to the rest-i focus on what makes me feel positive, which is checking off my list and having it automatically go to Sir Raven. It’s not that i’m doing a lot of different chores or something, but the app makes me feel great rather than focusing with frustration on what isn’t getting done. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah, i have wunderlist too, but i don’t use it because i have to use Asana for work, and i don’t put my personal goals on Asana, although i guess i could, but i’ve been using just Google tasks because that’s what i was using before, but then i forget to put them on the list… yeah.
      So let’s think about what it would look like to keep each other company on this goal-oriented journey…
      Thanks for commenting, jade

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for asking!! I made the page, and I’ve been filling it out – I’ve missed a couple of days exercise and one day of meditation, but otherwise I’ve been doing some. It’s really nice of you to ask. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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