Three more days til my mini-vacation; i am super-excited.  But also trying to stay in the moment since the vacation doesn’t start for 3 more days!

i was super-productive yesterday, but doubt if i can sustain that level of excellence the rest of the week.  Plus, i worked 12 hours to accomplish what i did.

i want… i want… i want…

To let go.  To put myself in someone else’s hands for a while.

Is that why we believe in God?  i think i used to think i could let go that way, by depending on God to take care of me.  My idea of God has changed too much to believe that anymore.  (If you do, that’s fine, i’m not being critical of your beliefs, it’s just not what i believe.)

So you know.  i can sit here and brood about how much i want to sit at my Dominant’s feet and submit and serve him, but that is in no way connected to the life i’m living.  No Dom, no feet to sit at, and no submission to serve.  A submissive girl is a terrible thing to waste.  (Yes that was sort of a joke.  A weak joke, but still.)

In other news, i did get a ton of laundry done, and have started clearing space around where my (neglected) altar is.  (i make it sound like we’re hoarders – we’re not that bad.  No, really we aren’t.  It was not an actual ton of laundry, and MP says he’s getting rid of all his clothes that don’t fit.)

i want… i want… i want…

To be young and cute again?  No, not quite that.  i want to be slim and fit but without doing the work to get there.  i want to be young enough to find a passionate Dominant to submit to.  {i know, theoretically that’s not age based.  But still.}

i want… i want… i want…

If i can’t get what i want directly, i need to look at how else to get what i need.  Right?

What a rambling blog post this is.  i should probably delete it and start over.  i won’t though.  This is where i am today.

Maybe i need to go do a gratitude list.  Or find a pretty picture to post.

So if you google “pretty images” you get an interesting array to choose from.  Here’s one:

And another:

And if i google pretty older men, i come up with lots of handsome old guys, some of them pictured with young women, but also this guy:

 

If he’s somebody famous, i don’t know who, but he looks like he could make up some rules and enforce them too.