i don’t like non-consensual sex or non-consensual spanking in my BDSM books.

Well, wait, sometimes i do.  Like Story of O or the Gorean slave books or Barbary Revenge, then yeah, it’s fine.  The whole thing is pretty non-consensual from start to finish, so that’s like a particular genre.

But in some supposedly romantic, kind of realistic book?  No.  Just because she trips and ends up in your lap, it’s not ok to pull her skirt up and spank her.   I want somebody to get me to agree before they start whaling away on me.

Yes, i’ve been reading again.

You know what’s even worse than non-consensual domestic discipline?  When her father suggests it.  Ew.

O, wait, if that’s your kink, that’s fine.  i’m not trying to judge you.  Or your kink.  i just don’t like it.  And i’m not against Daddy Doms – just against the idea that your biological father and your older boyfriend should be laughing together about spanking you.  Nope.

i like the dark edginess of real BDSM.  i want a relationship between equals.  i may be submissive, but it’s purely by choice, not because i’m weaker or in need of a firm hand.  Not because i’m like a child.   Just because i want to.  Like Anais Nin.

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.”
― Anaïs Nin

And this one, of course:

“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.”
― Anaïs Nin

Neither of those really captures it though.  It’s those things, and more.  Collars and cuffs, fireplay and rope, kneeling at his feet, and the indescribable pleasure and power of worshipping his cock.  It is being receptive, opening myself to his whims and desires.

i know, i am not likely to find the Dom of my dreams these days.  But if i can’t have him, i can imagine him, i can conjure him up in my dreams.  King, Warrior, Magician, and Lover…