I have rules. I started to say ‘lots of rules,’ but I don’t know what ‘lots’ means to you. I know it is a lot of rules for me. Not just random rules either. Not rules designed so that I’ll inevitably break them and get punished.

These rules are for my own good. Seriously. My days are bracketed in rules for my own good.

I’ve talked about my morning routine. My morning tea, affirmation, Qi Gong stretching and other exercise, and kneeling practice. My kneeling practice is partly kneeling with my Sir in mind, but it is also literally practice so I can get up and down more easily and kneel when he and I are able to connect. I had put off doing this practice for a long time because I could barely do it poorly, but I’ve gotten much, much better at it now.

Understand, those are all things that I want to do. It’s not like Sir just decided they would be good for me, they’re things I’ve wanted to do for years and never followed through with regularly. And now I do, because Sir made it a rule.

That doesn’t mean I always do it perfectly. As I was writing this, I realized I had forgotten to do my affirmation today. I did it as soon as I realized it, but now I need to let Sir know (right away) that I didn’t do it in order. Maybe he’ll let it go since I did it as soon as I realized and told him right away – which is another rule. Or maybe not.

The other day, when I postponed my stretching because I had something else I needed to do first and then I forgot about it, his response was, “Understandable. But not acceptable.”

That sent a shiver through me that was part “yikes, I’m in trouble,” and part pure arousal. I don’t like doing things wrong, I want to be a good girl (his good girl). But I do love being held accountable.

After the morning was set, we talked about helping me sleep better. Each night he had me write a list of things that I might worry about, leaving them there until the next day. That turned out to be way more helpful than I expected.

Next, I’m not allowed to get out of bed until 6 a.m. When I wake too early, I’m to lie there calmly, patiently, meditatively. That was hard at first, but pretty soon my body realized that getting up at 4 am or even 5:30 was not going to happen. So I sleep til 6:00.

My Fitbit started giving me better sleep scores, and it even changed my ‘sleep animal’ to Bear – which means I was “sleeping undisturbed through the night!” I was so pleased.

And Sir added another rule. Screens off at least 30 minutes before bedtime. Then I am to take my tea and settle in my rocking chair again, allowing myself to sit quietly. This one is more difficult to make myself do, but I have been doing it faithfully.

And of course it has helped. I’m getting even higher sleep scores – and have more energy during than day – than ever. So you might think he was finished.

Nope. I’ve had the habit of waking up and checking all my electronic messages practically before my feet hit the floor. I’m doing very little social media anymore, but Chat, email, WhatsAp… I wanted to know immediately what had happened while I was asleep. Probably not the best way to start the day. And not an issue anymore.

I’m allowed to check Chat immediately to see if Sir has sent me a message (yes, there is almost always a Good Morning greeting that makes me smile.). But nothing else until I have prepared my tea and settled.

Like brackets on my day… Every morning I wake up and follow his rules. At the end of the day, I follow his rules. I am contained by him.

During the day, I’m working and playing, being professional, being a mother and grandmother, being a friend. And I’m wearing my Sir’s belt, messaging him from time to time, checking for his messages. Watching for an opportunity to practice – a bit of empty-house-alone time for the belt, complete visual privacy for the hangar. Sometimes I’m waiting for the chance to carry out a punishment, when I’d rather do it right away and be done. Always in the knowledge that I can only have orgasms – ‘take care of myself’ – with his permission.

His presence is wrapped around me, woven through my day. It has become our own form of Shibari, the ropes of his control and care hold me steady.

I am filled with light, over-flowing with gratitude.