Yes, that’s belts and spoons and The Tawse, oh, my…

Meet The Tawse.

The Tawse is about 15 inches long, thick and somewhat stiff. And you can see that it’s split at the end, then each part of it is split again.

Before this week, I had only used it very briefly, just long enough to know that it was going to have an impact. Sir had told me to continue practicing with the belt, and I had every intention of doing that. But alone time is hard to find around here, and the belt is loud, so there hadn’t been an opportunity to even do that.

Then, almost magically, Wednesday afternoon, I realized that everyone was getting ready to leave. At the same time. And I was finished with work, so I was free too. I messaged Sir excitedly:

Me: Looks like alone time on the horizon!

To my surprise, he responded with:

Sir: Time to try the tawse!

Me: Oh! Can I?

Sir: Yes. But use it properly.

That raised a hundred questions in my mind. “Properly?” In the context of The very scary Tawse? As any good submissive girl would, I asked for guidance.

Sir: Either one set of twelve each side. Or three sets. And make each stroke count.

Yikes. Either one set or three. I already knew I wouldn’t stop at one – but then I’d be committed to three. Hmmm.

Alone in the bedroom, The Tawse carefully laid out before me, I took my pants down to my knees, as I’ve been directed to do, then my panties. Picked up The Tawse. For a moment, I imagined what it will be like when he’s directing me in real time, pictured him with me.

I had been standing to use the belt and the spoon – as my friend, Nora, suggested, it does have more effect that way. But with The Tawse in hand, I bent over the bed. Brought my hand behind me, just getting a feel for the target.

{The target? Have I lost my little mind? This is my bottom I’m about to strike… what am I thinking? Then I smile, picturing Sir. And I remember – even though it is humiliating to admit it – that I do need a good spanking.}

And I bring The Tawse down. Hard, but not dreadfully hard. Getting a feel for it.

One. A satisfying whack and the pain blooms. Just a little to start.

Two. The Tawse easily lands on both cheeks at once. In fact, it is stronger on the left side, the blow lands diagonally from right to left, so the leather curves back up on the left to land on my sit spot.

Three. Oh, on the sit spot again. This is not like the belt.

Four. Oh! Maybe I’ll see if I can just hit one cheek at a time…

By the time I get through the first set of twelve on each side, I am deep into the rhythm. The whack as it lands, the sting blossoming and fading, a bit of burn lingering, a moment’s pause before the next one. Sometimes I still hit both cheeks, but my is getting better.

Seventy-two. 12 x 2 x 3. Seventy-two times I landed The Tawse across my bottom. When I was finished, my burning bottom was a bright, cherry red.

And I could still feel it when I sat down! For several hours! I felt really pleased. I’d done well for a first time.

Until I realized the effects only lasted a few hours. And I really could have probably, um, you know, could have probably done it harder.

Of course I admitted this to Sir, who has promised that we’ll have “a little discussion” about what constitutes “properly.” I’m not sure what to expect – and that’s ok.

I don’t have to worry about it.

In submitting to my Sir, I feel confident that he is guiding me in a way that will help me grow, help me be more fully who I am.

Sometimes, I feel sad that we haven’t found more ways that I can please him despite the physical distance between us. But mostly, I am content and grateful for what we have.