“He smiled. A sub shouldn’t be terrified, but a little anxiety was good.”
― Cherise Sinclair, Breaking Free

I was remembering those words now. Of course I wasn’t scared. But I was a little anxious, for sure. He was on his way now, and there was no escaping the spanking I was about to get.

My heart beat wildly. He had been out of town for a week – a full week. And I hadn’t intended to lose track of so many things on my to-do list. But once I had missed one thing, it was easier to miss another, and I had been enjoying the sense of freedom I had without Sir to notice if I’d done this thing or the other.

At least I hadn’t lied – when I filled in my task list each night, I hadn’t marked anything I hadn’t done. And now, well, the chart was half empty.

And it wasn’t just the spanking I dreaded, it was the scolding. He would be so disappointed. There would be corner time for sure. Probably lines to write too. I sighed.

He had been in touch every day, he had texted, we had face-timed, there had plenty of opportunity to tell him I was having a hard time, that I needed support. But I was pretty sure I knew what would have happened. He would have told me to get the plastic hanger, the special one he kept on a hook in his closet. He would gotten on FaceTime and directed me to bend over the arm of his chair. He would have had me spank myself while he watched. He wouldn’t have let me stop until my bottom was stinging all over. That hangar left a sting that lingered for a long time.

I sighed. Ok, I should have done that. But I hated when he made me spank myself. When he wasn’t here and I couldn’t feel his warmth and remember how much he cared for me, it made me feel so bad. But I would have done better if I’d asked him to help me.

And I wouldn’t be in this boat right now – waiting around for him to come home, knowing I had a punishment coming.

But I had thought we would have a happy reunion first! I thought he’d just be happy to see me and wouldn’t ask if I’d kept up with my responsibilities until later, maybe even tomorrow. But no. That’s not what happened. Instead, before he left the conference he’d attended, before he even started home, he asked me about my chart.

And I told him.

It was an awful moment. He’d asked me to report on each item, and each time, I had to tell him how many times I’d done what I was supposed to and how many times I’d failed. He was quiet while I read it to him.

When I was finished, he said – he said, “Thank you for being honest.” Tears welled up in my eyes remembering that moment. I had felt so – so small. I could tell he was disappointed in me, but his voice was still gentle and caring.

For just a minute, I’d thought maybe that would be the end of it! But no.

“I’ll be home in about three hours,” he said. I’ll send you these instructions in writing too. But listen closely.

- Get undressed.  
- Spend a full hour cleaning up around the house. 
- Take a shower and prepare for inspection.  Do not get dressed.  
- Spend 30 minutes writing about this experience. 
- At 4:30, get in position in the corner.  Wait there until I get home.

“Is that clear?” he asked.

By then, I was in tears. But I managed to say, “Yes, Sir,” and I didn’t think he could tell.

But of course, he could. He said, “It’s ok to cry, baby,” and that undid me. I was sobbing then, and I felt so sad and so sorry that I’d let him down. Well, also sorry that I was going to be punished, but mostly sad that he was disappointed in me.

He said not to worry, that he would punish me thoroughly when he got home and he knew that I’d feel better once he had. And I know he’s right.

But as I sit here finishing this writing assignment, I’m not looking forward to spending time in the corner or the spanking I’m going to get or whatever other consequences he decides on. But I know I deserve it.

That’s my timer going off now.

Here I go – wish me luck –