I can’t tell youall how deeply I appreciate your sympathy and support yesterday. So much gratitude for all of you.
I am doing ok. Processing in my own way and at my own speed.
At the same time, Sir X is zooming full speed ahead to step up into the open Dom space. Which is good, I think. Even if it is proceeding a bit faster than I’m ready for. On the other hands – Doms tend to do that. I know that I can tell him to slow down, and he will. For a minute anyhow.
I am working on being open to possibility there, not shutting us down before we get started. I think he is doing all the right things at this point, including possibly having a third person in our mix.
Six X knows about the blog, but doesn’t read here, which I appreciate. In the past, he did not like reading my reflections when they involved him, way back in the day when we were active. So I can continue to process all the things here without worrying too much that he’ll read it.
I miss Sir Jon so much. I don’t know if that will ever stop. I don’t even know if I want it to stop. I’m sure it will get easier over time. I find myself doing a lot of mind reading – “he wouldn’t want me to do this” or “he would want me to do that,” kind of thing.
It sucks.
Lol, expect more whining in the weeks ahead. Or maybe more fantasies. Or new adventures. Who knows?
Olivia 
Well however you need to express yourself is what you should do.
Personally have enjoyed your fantasy writing, you’ve a beautiful imagination
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Thanks, KM! I will definitely keep that thought in mind. 💜
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Oh Olivia,
I don’t think of it as whining. You are grieving. Sometimes grief over a person who is still around, but you are no longer in touch is more unbearable. It’s cruel. You can run through your head that you need to have perspective, etc.. but just let your grief in. And then, let it out.
Those who care about you will always understand – grief has no timeline or end date. We just find ways to cope eventually.
If Sir X helps with that, then I say go for it. Embrace the change. No doubt it will be different, but maybe some day that different will be exactly what you always needed .
As for doing what Jon would have wanted or not, I think that’s completely normal and part of the process. One can’t be expected to let go all at once.
Anyway keep talking, it will keep those walls down that grief can start to build when you’re not looking.
You’ve been in my thoughts 💕
willie
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Thanks, Willie. I appreciate that.
Sir X is helping, so that’s good, and because of the way this all happened, there is a link from Sir Jon to him, which is also helpful in some odd way.
You know me, I will definitely keep talking! And feeling and processing. Thanks for being here! 💜
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Pour it out onto the page, my beautiful friend. I imagine the emotional whiplash has been traumatic, having him ripped out of your life so suddenly. I am certainly not experiencing you as whining. You are human…of course you will experience sad days around this, perhaps sad weeks, or longer. Please write about it all, pour your heart out here, process it to death if it helps. But remember that there will be joy too… joy in the memories of him, and joy in the new experiences that you will have. Sending many thoughts of healing and loving kindness your way, olivia. You are a beautiful person and I am very sorry this happened to you ❤
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Thanks, nora. This is so lovely and supportive – I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. I will write – you know this is where I process it all! And there is always joy, isn’t there? Thank you so much for being here. 💜
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Oh Olivia,
You are hurting and you need to process and heal in your own time. Please allow yourself to feel whatever you feel and let it out in order to heal. Write it out here if it helps., you have a lot of friends here who want to support you. Lean in to Sir X too. Let him help and support you. I really hope you can build on the positive changes to your relationship.
Thinking of you and sending lots of love and Hugs
Roz
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Thanks, Roz, you – probably better than anyone here – know I’m not afraid to talk about my feelings. It is wonderful to have so much support.
Yes, I am leaning in to Sir X. He is a changed man, and that’s frigging amazing. I’m hopeful too that this can lead to lasting change for us.
Thank you, as always.
💜
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