More on The Shadow

/ olivia

I had not expected the depth of response to my post on the Shadow and really appreciate it. I continue to think about it and look at different thoughts and perspecitives.

I want to share this link from Michael’s blog, The Dionysian Experience. He has a powerful post that he re-shares at the beginning of every year called Shadow – A Mother’s Suicide. He has a number of other posts related to Sensual Shadow, but this initial one is a good place to begin.

Willie shared an article with me entitled: How Your Deepest Insecurities Reveal Your Greatest Gifts.  The author doesn’t talk about shadow or use Jung’s framework so much, but it is clearly very close to shadow work. 

I was thinking about the themes of things that come up often for submissive women. Asking for help, feeling dependent or needy, feelings of abandonment that are strictly emotional and not based on what’s happening, feelings about one’s body. All of those things get pulled on. 

One of the things that I remember struggling with from earlier times is the feeling of being super open and vulnerable with my Dom – and then having to step back into the vanilla world and not being able to make that transition well. It reminds me of this quote from Rumi:

“Your hand opens and closes, and opens and closes.
If it were always a fist or always stretched open,
you would be paralyzed.

Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding,
the two as beautifully balanced 
and coordinated 
as birds’ wings.”

Except there is not so much coordinating for me sometimes. Submissive girl/Vanilla woman and back again is not that smooth. I ran across this from my old blog, which reminded me how difficult I used to find it in person. 

Sometimes, the kink is in my heart.  It  starts with a tug there.  That moment of connectedness when i believe that – against all odds – He will see me as i am.  See my passion, my strength, my weakness.  My curiosity and excitement.  That He’ll see my need, my desire and longing.

When i believe that He’ll want me as i am.  Not in some nice, vanilla way, but in that naked-to-the-core lust that strips away pretense, tosses it to the floor with my open crotch pantyhose, and snatches me up.   That He’ll contain me, hold me, possess me.

Not forever – you know, no happily-ever-after dances in my head.    But for now.  Bind me with ropes, mark me with His mouth.    Make me shiver,  push me into one more over the top, not-to-be-denied orgasm, and fall, tumbling down, trembling into His arms again.

Hold me safe, unafraid to kneel, free to worship His cock, to recognize and pay homage to the wonder of masculine power, symbolically stroking it, even as my mouth sucks and licks His…  mmmmm.  

Recognize the soul connection, feel our spirits join together in the intensity, the pleasure and the pain. 

i want all that. 

And then- always more – i want Him to help me put my Self back together, so i don’t wander, only half myself, until i see Him again.

*****************

Also, if I haven’t answered your comment or email, or left a comment on your post – I will. I’m just slow these days

27 thoughts on “More on The Shadow”

  1. I love the Rumi quote. It seems to sum up the way we should view these exchanges quite perfectly.

    The end part of your post reminds me of something a Dom shared he heard from his sub. Paraphrased it was something like this, ” I need you to help me after. Help me just be because I don’t know how to be me. “. So until she feels just like herself again he has to maintain a certain level of dominance and purposeful attention towards her. Not that he doesn’t maintain dominance all the time, but the right kind.

    I remember this conversation as I am the same. I can’t take a magic carpet ride and then have the rug ripped out from under me. I am NOT a chocolate and cuddles kind of girl. I need the higher level of dominance to slowly melt away into the more vanilla life . I could go on but that would make this a blog post. Lol.

    willie

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

      • Thank you, Sir – I’m glad you think my brain is lovely! 🥰. I know I don’t have to apologize, I just hate getting behind on responding to people who take the time to reach out… 💜

        Liked by 1 person

    • Oops, somehow my reply to olivia got sucked into a reply to you, willie. I did want to thank you for the added information that it’s not always chocolate and cuddles. I always learn good things from your comments.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      • OMGosh! I swear to you I didn’t read your Domdrop post until just now. I realize it seems like an unlikely coincidence, but I didn’t pull the chocolate and cuddles reference from your post! That must have seemed like a snarky comment when you read it!

        Liked by 1 person

      • I just read your Dom drop post. To clarify, I didn’t mean to imply I needed to be talked to back into life. I’m trying to think of an instance where I needed that from B. What I need is to be given more submissive things to do until I can get my legs underneath me ( sometimes literally other time figuratively). I thought I’d clarify here where my initial words appear . 😁

        Liked by 2 people

      • It’s not overstepping, at least I don’t think it is, but apparently I don’t think clearly at times. Lol.

        Some less intimate things have been; told where to go, (bed, the bath( he washes)) , what clothes to put on or to pick out something and have his approval, what to do with my hair, plugs put in. ( the combination of these things)

        If I’m not exhausted from being on the receiving end, to prepare something with very specific instructions. Or to write- B used to be very big on writing assignments or worse lines. Sometimes a physical submissive exercise not just kneeling but holding a specific position. Sometimes it’s just a very vanilla but detailed and time specific chore list. It helps when he tells me where I need to be and the times I need to be there or doing things. It helps me” wake up” slowly and brings me back into a less, all encompassing submissive* mindset, as opposed to just ripping the bandaid off so to speak. Other times he’s been physical again, but not as intense physically or emotionally .

        * Meaning that when he’s done, I have all these heightened submissive feelings-that can last a long time and if they have no where to go, it’s like treading water waiting , and then eventually I slip under. ( sorry I’m horrible with my need for analogies)

        I cannot think right now, but I know there are more.
        willie

        Liked by 2 people

      • This is super helpful for me, Willie. I have thought in terms of having rituals to begin and end, but this may be even better. You have really touched on something true for me as well. 💜

        Liked by 1 person

    • I’m glad you liked the Rumi quote – yes, it really speaks to that for me too.

      I know I already said in a comment somewhere that I appreciate this perspective a lot. I can so relate to the Dom’s story. I do want chocolate and cuddles – but I need something else too. I have not know exactly what, but this is helpful.

      💜

      Like

      Reply

  2. I recognise these places… and these dances.
    I have shared them.
    I’ve shared them in small stories and slipstream poetry.
    I’ve shared them with rolling tides over pebble shingle on weepy beaches.
    I’ve shared them with fiery streeylights on long evening strolls.
    I’ve shared them with the silence behind the couch,
    not sure whether I can stretch the whiaper anywhere real.
    I’ve shared them as the guy people see
    and the girl who hides there,
    peeking out occasionally through the stories.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  3. Oh damn. Lol. Please disregard that comment. I was distracted and then confused when I commented to your Master Jon concerning the chocolate and cuddles. I missed that it was my words

    Like

    Reply

  5. Hi Olivia,

    It’s great your post generated such great discussion. I am still pondering this. Lots of great food for thought! I love the post from your old blog too. Beautifully expressed.

    I love the Rumi quote! I can relate very much to all of those feelings. Feeling needy, abandonment. The transition can be extremely difficult. Our daily requirements etc do help to reinforce our dynamic and keep us feeling connected.

    Hugs
    Roz

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Thank you, Roz, I’m glad you’re enjoying the flow over here!

      I think those are common themes for submissive people, and it makes me wonder if everyone is walking around with that baggage and just don’t have the opportunity to unpack it. You know?

      But you’re right, it is those daily connections that keep us connected. And it feels so good when they’re in place.

      💜

      Like

      Reply

  6. Thank you for the mention in this 🙏 Your post from your old blog is breathtakingly powerful 🔥 If I may, I was especially drawn to mention of submissive girl/vanilla woman. It sounds like this transition may be easier for you now? One of the things I have discovered (or at least believe to be true) is that we need that continuum of being. In your case, submissive girl to Vanilla woman. Your awareness of each state of mind causes the cognitive dissonance and your arousal (in whatever form it takes) flows from this tension. If you didn’t know what it meant to be vanilla and feel that pull and tension, the pleasure you find in sinking into your subspace would be less intense. I often think about this as a struggle women face due to archetypal dreams of Hestia (goddess of home and hearth) and Aphrodite. Many women long to fulfill the dream of both goddesses but each goddess has own state of perfection that stands in contrast to the other. A woman can never be both simultaneously. It is best to tend to the archetypal dream of both at different times – both fulfill the feminine soul – and to embrace the tension between the two. That tension has meaning.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • I’m so glad you liked my old post! Yes, you’re right about the tension, the push/pull of the polarities. We can’t be both at the same time – at least I can’t. And that is what makes the shift from vanilla to sub so intensely pleasurable. The shift back is typically more difficult for me, and still so necessary. Being pretty deep into archetypes, I agree about the Hestia vs Aphrodite concept, but I woud argue that Hestia isn’t always the opposite goddess. Athena or Artemis can hold that place. For me, the “vs Aphrodite” goddess is Hecate, the goddess of journeys, of crossroads and transitions, midwife for both births and deaths. Yeah, you can’t be both at the same time. The struggle for me is – still – around that transition. More food for thought… not just shifting from vanilla to sub and back again, but between Aphrodite and Hecate…
      💜

      Like

      Reply

Leave a comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.