I hardly ever know what I’m going to write about until I start.
I might have thought I would write about the lovely session Sir and I had last night and how I still can feel the effects today sitting here. Not just sitting a bit carefully, but you know, the glow is lingering too. So I’ll just stop writing for a moment and savor that…You
You are welcome to enjoy this moment with me. Just remember the last time you felt wrapped in someone’s care, held firmly, played with, spanked thoroughly, and given permission to orgasm right when you needed it most. Imagine that pleasure, ass still stinging, body exploding in a trembling burst of pleasure. Ahhhh…
And then taking time to connect, pillow talk of a sort, winding down still caught in his embrace. Mmmmmmm. I admit, I’m first to roll over and go to sleep, purring with satisfaction, basking in his caress.
Whew. It was – well, you know. It was like that.
But today is Monday and I’m all business. A business that I’ve been neglecting, although I can’t really blame that on Sir, because I could neglect my work all by myself before I ever met him. Not that I neglect my clients – I never miss a session and I generally stay focused on the client. I don’t miss meetings or consults or even just conversations scheduled.
But my own work… I’ve talked before (I think) about being an Obliger, a way of responding to internal and external expectations. (See The Four Tendencies, by Gretchen Rubin) But here’s a quick look:
We all face two kinds of expectations—outer expectations (meet work deadlines, answer a request from a friend) and inner expectations (keep a New Year’s resolution, start meditating). Your response to expectations determines your “Tendency”—that is, whether you’re an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel.
- Upholders respond readily to outer and inner expectations—“Discipline is my freedom”
- Questioners question all expectations; they’ll meet an expectation if they think it makes sense; essentially, they make all expectations into inner expectations—“I’ll comply—if you convince me why”
- Obligers meet outer expectations, but struggle to meet expectations they impose on themselves—“You can count on me; and I’m counting on you to count on me”
- Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alike—“You can’t make me, and neither can I”
Anyhow, clearly I’m an Obliger, although sometimes I feel like a Rebel. So if somebody else needs/wants me to do something – I don’t always put them first, no I really don’t. But you know, I often do. Probably not surprising for a submissive, although I don’t think all submissives are obligers.
But – oh, wait.
Do y’all see what I’m doing here? I’m over here all chatty about why I’m not doing my work, when I could just be doing it instead. Ok, fine, I’m going now… as soon as I get one more cup of coffee. 😊
Olivia 
Obliger, well now I have a word for that.
We often spend so much time trying to do for others, it seems like we’re always the afterthought to ourselves.
I actually enjoy the fact that no one knows what is coming from these posts, it’s a wonderful little surprise in the middle of my day. Enjoy your coffee.
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It is nice having words for things, isn’t it? When I realized most of my family and friends are Questioners, I understood better why I feel like I’m always having to explain myself!
I’m glad these posts are a nice surprise! Thanks. ☺️
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Well, I cannot say I’m wrapped in anything today. I can say I have the lingering sensation of kneeling on a boot drying mat because I didn’t pay close enough attention to a text message I recieved from B!
I am most definely an Obliger. I am however learning to say no, and also without any explanation, so that is a step in the right direction! I am not referring to B of course. Well not often anyway 😉
As far as fulfilling my own demands, it depends I suppose. If I decide I want to improve my diet or exercise more, I don’t want B’s help. I want to do it because of my own motivation. Which I haven’t really examined why that is.
But I will say I have a dozen or so half read self help books on the go, or collecting dust. Lol.
willie
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Oh, yikes to kneeling on the boot drying mat!
Learning to say no is really good for obligers, yes, especially without explanation. Lol, but no probably not so much to the Doms in our lives.
i can relate to not wanting B’s help in meeting your goals – I don’t want that kind of help either. For me, working with someone else or a group who have the same goals – and who I feel like I need to support by being there – is the best way for me to move forward.
And I’m laughing at your dusty self-help books – I have those too!!
💜
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Loved this post, olivia! I need to get to my work this morning too as the new semester starts today and I’ll be teaching back-to-back classes on campus tomorrow. But it is much more fun to linger over coffee with WordPress! And my mind is distracted by thoughts of my zoom session with Sir later today…he’s finally back from his 10 day trip. Looking forward to the release after 🙂 XOXO
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I’m so glad your Sir is back!! Looking forward to hearing more about what comes next!!
Of course we have to work and tear ourselves away from the blogosphere. It’s doing work that’s not structured, where the only deadlines are ones I set, that I don’t do so well with. Hope your first day back to teaching went well!
💜
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YES! I so relate to this as I sit here, continuing to play on WordPress when I really should be preparing my PowerPoint. Uh. First day back and I am already behind… okay…leaving blog-o-sphere now… thank you for your support! XOXO
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That’s so funny — only because i can relate 100%. I’m doing a training tomorrow and should be reviewing MY PowerPoint, but here I am instead… 💜
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LOL. Just recently my Sir has started focusing in my procrastination. While I complete a daily To-Do list for him on weekdays, he had me write a two week To-Do list to include various projects that I’d like to get done. Well, true to form… I basically ignored the list and waited till the last minute, which didn’t serve me well. When will I ever learn? Thankfully I DID get my PowerPoints done for my classes earlier and everything went well. Feels so great to be back on campus!
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Oh, wow! That’s the kind of help I’ve often fantasized about – but then I’m never really sure that I want it either. I’m not surprised that you had your PowerPoint ready though – I imagine you always come through at the end! 💜
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Oh, my friend… I am a terrible procrastinator. While I do usually manage to come through in the end, the amount of stress and anxiety that I cause myself due to my procrastination does not serve me well. When I talked with Sir about this problem, two weeks before the semester started, he had the idea to have me create a two-week To-Do list, with dates set along the way so that I could avoid the beginning of the semester stress I always face due to procrastination. Unfortunately, he then left on a trip with his family, and was unable to really support me around it…and me, being me, totally ignored the new protocol and did things “my way” which didn’t work out well. LOL. Lesson learned. Unfortunately for my seating comfort, Sir never accepts defeat. So he’s been implementing new protocols to help me with my procrastination. Sighs. It is hard to submit in this way. There are times when I want to stomp my little foot and declare myself a grown woman. And then, Sir reminds me how my behavior causes ME a lot of stress and that he is there to help me better my life. My life is actually better when I submit to his line of thinking and when I obey him. That’s hard to admit sometimes, but it is true. Oh, the realities of the submissive! XOXO
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Yeah, I get that. So much. Would love to hear how this works for you and if it helps in the long run. I love that you sometimes want to “stomp my little foot and declare myself a grown woman”. That made me laugh.
But this: “My life is actually better when I submit to his line of thinking and when I obey him.” I don’t think i know anything about that. And that’s interesting. Thanks, nora!!
💜
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Ah, that lovely afterglow, doesn’t it make work so much more ‘fun’? If one isn’t too distracted lol. I would have to say I’m an obliger too,
Your timing is funny, because being summer here we had a longer break and only started back at work today. Sir and I were messaging during the day, part of which was him setting expectations/requirements for work days. It certainly made being at work a little more exciting lol
Hugs
Roz
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Lol, the afterglow does make work more fun! And I’m not surprised that you’re an obliger too.
I bet those messages from your Sir did liven up your work day! That’s so cool and I’m so glad for you!!
💜
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