Just Thinking

/ olivia

As youall know, this sudden deep plunge into D/s waters has unbalanced my life in the best of ways. My passions upset my balance. I think that’s just how it works.

I trust myself to go through these disruptions to my vision of what should be, make room for what is, and come out the other side, having grown stronger in the weaker places of my self. The cleansing power of a hard spanking, the release of tears, the joy of – well, not wasting words on poetry, the joy of being fucked into a mindless bliss. (Or maybe that is poetry?). I’m babbling now. Let me try this again.

I can get swept off my feet by waves of Whatever-is-Happening-Right-Now. But I always know that ultimately, I am whole and safe, able to find my balance and be ok again. This quote has been haunting me.

“The choice in this life is not between easy and hard, but between kinds of hardship, between a hardship that gives birth to wisdom, compassion and mercy, and the hardship that keeps on replicating itself to no end.” 

Noam Shpancer

But that’s all kind of theoretical and out there, if you know what i mean. On a more mundane (and kinky) note, I’ve been thinking about needs and wants and how that all works in the D/s world. I found an article that I really like about it, called The Needs Hierarchy.  (Yes, Sir, I’m still a bit in scholarly mode.)

Then Sir shared this meme with me that I really liked. Thank you, Sir.

It has this hierarchical list: Sub’s needs/ Dom’s needs/ Dom’s wants/ Sub’s wants. That’s how I’ve thought of it, what I’ve been taught in my submissive experience. 

The article gave me a bit different perspective and I appreciate that too. They offer two separate lists, one for subs and one for Doms.

The Dominants’ list starts with the Dominant’s needs, followed by submissive needs, dominant wants, and lastly, submissive wants. The submissives’ list starts with Submissive’s needs, followed by Dominant’s needs, Dominant wants, then, still last, submissive’s wants. I really like that – it seems like a more realistic and sustainable view for each to have their own needs first. Because ultimately, we are all responsible for taking care of ourselves, making sure our own needs are met.

Ok, maybe slaves do that by trusting their Master to make sure their most basic needs are met. In some situations, i do trust my Sir to make sure my needs are met. But that might mean i need to let him know what i need.

All of which brings me to what’s really on my mind today, which is mostly the afterglow from my time with Sir last night. The rest of this is interesting, but ahhhh, last night… The best lists in the world can’t match the felt sense of wanting him – his pleasure, his desire, his wants – to be first. The flow of offering all my energy -heart, mind, body, and spirit – to being responsive to him, bringing passion and enthusiasm to what we share…

Nope, there’s no way to describe how much joy that brings me. So, hmmm, you might wonder, is it really for him? If it gives me such a huge rush, am I really just doing it for myself?

Laughing a little thinking about it, I imagine my Sir might say, ‘who cares?’

11 thoughts on “Just Thinking”

  2. Thank you for this fantastic share, olivia! I had never really thought about this before , the hierarchy of sub and Dom needs/wants. I appreciate the link to the article. Glad to hear that you two had such a great session last night! XOXO

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  3. I am so pleased, proud, and content with you, Baby. We are making this 24/7 dynamic working well for us. Your trust, your love, and all the rest of you is very precious to me. I am damned lucky to have you…over…and over…and over…again. 😉

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  4. I love this Olivia, I hadn’t really thought about the hierarchy of Dom/sub needs either. Yes, who does care? LoL.

    At the end of the day you could maybe call it a win/win. We give ourselves to our Dom because it fulfills their needs/wants while fulfilling our own. And vice versa. We wouldn’t do it if it didn’t fulfill us at the same time right?

    So glad to hear you had a wonderful session and are basking in the afterglow (in more ways than one 😊

    Hugs
    Roz

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    • It is definitely a win/win, at its best! Reciprocity and the flow of energy, like breathing in and breathing out… yep. Thank you.

      And thank you, Roz, for always celebrating with me!! I hope you’re doing your share of after glowing too!

      💜 olivia

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  5. My answer is ….Depends. Lol. I’ve seen the hierarchy Jon had sent to you over the years and in theory I see how it works. Though not sure many submissives would agree, and then disagree with their own thoughts. Lol. As you referred to (?), benefitting from submission, which I think we all agree we do seems to contradict the concept at times?

    The meme from the article you read is interesting. I suppose it is more realistic on many levels. The submissive has to know his/ her needs and give voice to them ( at least what they believe them to be) first as does the Dom. Does that make them come first? Maybe in a chronological way?

    The reason why I said depends is because I honestly think it depends on where you are at in your dynamic journey. A couple who is new to each other vs one rebuilding may have different ideas in which comes first based on their experiences and/ or trust level. Ideally putting the other’s needs first is always key- and that can very well mean that the Dom’s needs do come first because the submissive needs that .

    I always get caught up in the thought you ended with. Being a submissive can be a bit of a mind f*ck. My needs are being met, and I am fulfilled yet …should I feel this way? Is he serving me, more than I am him? Is it really submission if I love what I’m doing most of the time? To that end I suppose “who cares” might be the mindset to go- but easier said at times….

    I do love this: “having grown stronger in the weaker places of my self.”. What greater gift is there than that!!! The quote is also wonderful and I can see how it would haunt you.

    I’m a person who has to deconstruct all that is going on inside in order to feel accepting . Sounds like in some way this may be you as well.

    willie

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    • Dearest Willie, you have my brain going in circles here. Of course yes, it always depends on all kinds of things. I appreciate your effort to sort through those tangled threads.

      I’m so glad the quote and the “grown stronger” part resonated with you! I do think we are both people who need to “deconstruct what’s going on inside” to feel accepting. I’m so glad to share these thoughts and these experiences with you!

      💜 olivia

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