Attentiveness

/ olivia

I’ve been thinking about all kinds of things lately, many of them related to my relationship with my Sir. Some of them, he brought up on his blog in his post Sunday Musings. I’ve been following the comments on that with great interest, of course. Thanks to those of you who offered to explore the topics further with me!

But I’m bringing a couple of different issues today. I have my own opinions, of course, but am always interested in hearing your thoughts. 

Sir or Master?

This one arose because fantasy olivia called fantasy Sir Jon Master. Or, to be honest, that’s not the only reason it came up, but it’s one. Sir and I had a long conversation about it yesterday and came to a good understanding. And yet, I find myself thinking on it again. 

I’m not caught up in a “am I a slave or a submissive” question. I’m a submissive and quite content with that. So I don’t think of him as my Master from that perspective, and that’s ok. If in moments of passion and pain, I might think of him as my Master, that’s ok too. But there’s another piece to it.

Daily

I mentioned recently that every day there are things I do because Sir requires it. And I was thinking about how the things I do shape my day, add a structure to it. That made me pause, because this is something that I’ve been working on in my vanilla life. 

There’s a lovely book by Eric Maisel called “The Power of Daily Practice.” It is not about submission, it’s about developing daily practices for yourself that keep you moving toward your goals. And I thought, hmmm, while I’ve been messing around, playing with creating daily practices, my Devious Sir has swooped in and set up a number of practices that I do every day, whether I feel like it or not. His practices bring shape to my day.

Then today, in a different context, I was thinking about this lovely quote from the poet Mary Oliver:

“Ten times a day something happens to me like this – some strengthening throb of amazement – some good sweet empathic ping and swell. This is the first, the wildest and the wisest thing I know: that the soul exists and is built entirely out of attentiveness.”

So – hang with me here, we’re headed back to “Master” – in meditation practice, we talk a lot about attention. We focus attention on a particular object or – in the case of what I’m doing, attention is focused on the breath, particularly on the pause at the end of exhale, before the next inhale. So I’m breathing, I inhale, there’s a slight pause, exhale and then – that’s the moment I’m waiting for. That’s where my focus is.

So it has become a little bit that way with my daily practices for Sir. Lots of other things going on in my life, and yet, I am particularly attentive to the things that he has laid out for me. And that feels like he has Mastered me. Feeling contained, feeling held, cared for… hmpf, maybe feeling something like owned. Damn it.

I am holding firm at not calling him Master all the time. Today anyhow. He is wicked devious, my Sir is. I can just see myself a month from now asking if it’s ok to call him Master. Lol, ok, no, not it’s not that bad. But I do find myself re-evaluating my boundaries and moving them around. And that can be scary.

Right now, for example. I am supposed to be working. It is my own work, planned and scheduled by me for my own business. But I’m over here blogging because I’m all caught up in these thoughts, wanting to sort through them. You see how this works? He’s not making me do this. And, in fairness, I wasn’t the most focused, goal driven person in the world before I met him. And yet, here I am now. 

And I’m about to walk away from my desk and go do something he’s assigned as my daily today, in addition to the things I already do. Which I love – let me be clear. I love doing what he wants. And the thing I’m about to do is pretty much on the border of another thing that I didn’t think I was going to do. Maybe not over the line, just sitting on it.

So I obey him as if he were my Master. Even though he’s not. Like that makes any sense at all… But this relationship – all of it – makes me happy. I am strong and resilient and able to manage my life just fine – and my Sir has set loose a whole other part of me. A part of me I thought was dead. I appreciate that more than I can say.

I write about it for clarity of my thinking, to acknowledge my feelings, and because it helps release any shame that may come up. So thank you – all of you – for reading and for whatever comments you want to throw in here. I love hearing about your experiences and how it relates or doesn’t relate to mine.   💜

18 thoughts on “Attentiveness”

  2. Hi Olivia,

    I enjoyed reading your thoughts today. The blog is such a wonderful place to work through thoughts and feelings etc.

    I think the titles we use can make a difference to our mind and heart set. Personally I find Sir much easier (for want of a better term) than Master. I don’t know why, to me it feels more like role play than a relationship dynamic. But that’s just me.

    Our dynamic has gone through many changes over the years from domestic discipline to D/s, Daddy and combinations of the above lol, with long periods of being non-existent in between.

    For me the titles (Sir, Daddy etc) really do keep me more focused on our dynamic and connected. With the Daddy dynamic, it was more use of the titles and yes, moments of being in a little headspace for me, but no role play etc.

    I shared here earlier that Sir and I have recently re-kindled our dynamic. We too are establishing a rhythm and daily routine. You seem to have adjustment pretty quickly to yours. Alas, despite what I have said above, and truly desiring to be pleasing and obey, I seem to be having a little trouble and have recently found myself in quite a bit of trouble. Sir is being stricter this time and told me the other day he understood some period of adjustment, but that I should be past that now. Yikes!

    Hugs
    Roz

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      • Thanks so much Willie! It does feel awesome getting back to “us”.

        LoL, Scrappy? Hmm, actually, while there is a lot going on here which would make it so easy for her to rear her head she has thankfully been fairly quiet lately lol. I wish I could blame her for being in trouble lately lol. Sheesh!

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    • Roz – I LOVE that your dynamic is back and that you can share stories with me!!

      I think you must have a really strong relationship to have gone through all those phases – with times of nothing. It says a lot for you both that you’ve stuck with it – and I bet he knows you really, really well now! It seems like that might make it really powerful.

      Rhythms and routines… yes. In fairness, it’s easier to adjust to a new routine in an LDR – he doesn’t have to deal with my messiness or lack of cooking and so on… and I don’t have to deal with whatever tiny flaws might show up for him in real life! But it’s interesting to know that you’re getting in trouble. Sounds like he has high expectations for you! 💜. I’d love to hear more…

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      • Thanks so much Olivia, I love the support and friendships made in blogland 😊

        Funny you should mention high expectations because he said the other day that’s exactly what he holds for me. He really is keeping us focussed and me on my toes! For example, he is away today but sent me a message to kneel and send a pic then phoned earlier and kneel was the first word. Yes, he does know me so well! And I him.

        LoL re Scrappy. Willie knows me well from years blogging together 😊

        Scrappy as in Scrappy Doo lol. She (in this case) is my alta ego lol. I can get riled up and super feisty, or angsty about things at times. It was actually Sir who said years ago I was like Scrappy at times … let me at em lol. Scrappy was my moniker back in the day. You may see it in your list of followers.

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  3. before we transitioned into more of a M/s dynamic 24/7 i used to only think/call Him Master during sex, impact play or a long dive into my slave type energy.

    even now i’m not required to call Him Master unless we are in the midst of sex or a powerplay of some sort – whatever that is. i don’t mean play as in not real either, just as in not doing normal vanilla activities. 🙂

    the most important thing to us is to be true to the moment and ourselves so i will often say Sir when things are more mundane and even Bear when He is more daddy-like.

    i guess what i’m saying is that i’m not at all surprised that master may have slipped out on you when you were maybe a bit more intensely feeling your submissive powers flow! 😉 lol

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  4. Perhaps because B and I came from a different relationship into our dynamic I have a different point of view? I do understand feeling the need to ‘up’ the title, but for me that is where Sir came into play.

    B rarely asked for me to use the title, which is fine because it did seem forced for a long time. There are definitely instances where it rolls off the tongue quite easily. But for *me* Master brings thoughts of Barbara Eden , and try as I might I cannot get that out of my head. Lol.

    I do understand the attentiveness aspect of your post. In a way it is like he’s always there even when he’s not. Keeps the loneliness at bay. It also snowballs, doing what is required if me has me doing more.

    willie

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    • Yes, I can understand how “Sir” would take it up a notch for you. And – I cracked up when you said “Master” made you think of Barbara Eden and I Dream of Jeanie. I confessed to Sir, when he and I were talking about it, that it made me think of Igor, scurrying around dragging one leg, muttering Yes, Master, No, Master. I think your image is a much kinder one!! But I totally get it.

      It is like he’s here even when he’s not! Absolutely. It is much less lonely – and does get me doing more! Funny how that works…

      Thanks Willie. 💜

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  5. I loved your discussion on how your daily tasks from Sir Jon bring structure to your day. I just may order the book you mentioned as I am really lacking structure right now. It is something that I struggle with every year, on the winter break in between semesters. I always think this long break from work sounds good…until a couple weeks in when I am feeling unproductive, which often leads to a bit of depression. Sighs. I really need to get back to the daily structure that Sir helped me create. Without him here to enforce it, I have really slacked off.
    In a month from now… I will be curious to learn if you are calling him Master 🙂

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    • I can so relate to what you’re saying about the break being wonderful – until it isn’t. If you do buy the book, I’d love to hear what you think about it.

      Omg, a month from now i am liable to be calling him Master. Smh, we’ll see. 🤣

      💜

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