If you are a new reader here, this may not seem like a huge big deal. But if you’ve been around a while, you have probably watched me struggle for years with my longing for a Dominant of my own. I won’t rehash that story, but there has been lots of opportunity for me to grow stronger and learn how to live on my own. Disappointment when things didn’t turn out the way I hoped, the pleasure of hoping again, and all kinds of whiny angst in between. Ok, maybe not too much whiny, but plenty of angst.
So then I met Sir Jon Masters, over at Master’s Domain. Almost immediately, I felt a connection and attraction. Naturally, I vacillated between being thrilled and feeling more alive and incredibly happy, and being terrified and wanting to run away, worried about being wrong, being disappointed – or worse, disappointing. Sir Jon has held space for me to work through those feelings, consistently offering a gentle hand or a firm touch as I needed them. He has a way of calming my fears and encouraging me to move closer to him, finding myself in deeper submission.
“I have accepted fear as part of life – specifically the fear of change… I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back….”
― Erica Jong
It really did seem natural to begin calling him Sir, and the ways that he wants to be pleased seem to fit with the ways that I like to please. (Yes, that’s another way of saying who I am pleases him.) That makes it so easy to offer more of myself. It is as if a dam has broken and all the passion and submission that I’ve had to hold back has suddenly been released in a flood of desire to serve him and make him happy. It could have been enough to have scared him off! But he has stayed and accepted what I offer. I am still scared, and maybe I always will be, but I need to follow this connection we have.
“Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.”
― Maya Angelou
So, I don’t know where this is going – and youall know how much I want to KNOW what’s going to happen next; for a submissive girl, I’m a real control freak. I’m not planning to talk about our relationship here, but I’ve been writing to him and for him in my posts more than once lately. We have done some writing together, and we may be writing together more.
Mostly right now, I’m trying to be mindful and remember that I don’t have to figure everything out. Sometimes, I can just follow his guidance, obeying and serving as best I can.
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”
― Lao Tzu
So here I go – stepping into the great unknown…
Olivia 
Might be writing together again? (Arched eyebrow with a wicked grin) Thank you for being willing to share this with your blogsters, my Dear. We are having a lot of wicked fun, aren’t we?
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Of course I wanted to share it, Sir! And yessss, we are definitely having a whole lot of wicked fun.
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Ooh, this is fantastic news! I’m so happy for both of you! Enjoy having wicked fun together and no Olivia, you don’t have to figure everything out 🙂
Hugs
Roz
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Thank you, Roz! We’ll do our best to keep having fun – and hopefully writing fun things too. 💜
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This probably sounds ridiculous as we haven’t spoken in so long and even then really only through our blogs, but this made my eyes well up. A submissive with no where to ‘be’ , especially after finding that part of of yourself is beyond painful, lonely and empty. My heart is bursting for you !
Not sure about you, but fear has a way of making me want to seize control- especially after I’ve ‘been down this road before’ and the path seemed to have stopped. It can be a challenge to let go of that mindset once it becomes the go-to. Sounds like you are baby stepping away from that! Personally I have felt a few steps in and if you let it, the walls quickly do come down and the fear turns to exhilaration ( maybe you’re even there now- fear in the rear view mirror).
I look forward to reading whatever it is you decide to share.
Enjoy the ride, even the terrifying bits- they make you feel alive after all!
Willie
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Willie, that didn’t sound ridiculous at all – even if we haven’t communicated in years, and only through blogs, there is a definite connection between us. And clearly, you understand the struggle of being a submissive with no way to express it. I really love that you can celebrate with me. Thank you.
You’re right about fear too, it definitely makes me want to take control. I AM baby stepping away from it – and having so much fun and exhilaration and just plain joy. I really appreciate that you can understand that.
Yep. That amazing aliveness. Even the terrifying bits…
💜
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I am happy for you, to have someone in your life that gives you that feeling is a wonderful thing. I hope that this continues as it has started and then deepens over time as a loving soul needs to be beloved herself.
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Thank you so much!! That is a beautiful thing to say – to hope for me. Your words really touch me. 💜
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