So I had this revelation – you know, the kind that once you have it, you think, ‘well, duh, of course.’ But somehow it just hadn’t been in the front of your mind.
No, my therapist didn’t help me have this – what should I call it? A re-revelation? I’m still spinning my wheels on the whole therapy thing. My second therapist talked about himself more that he did about what I’d messaged him with. I mean, literally – a paragraph about him, a paragraph about me, another paragraph about him. I persevered with him for a bit, even beyond that, but he didn’t ask me about what’s going on with me, just made statements about what he thought I should do. Really? I used to be a therapist. I’m pretty sure that’s not how therapy works. Sigh.
So I switched to a third one, waited a couple of days and she still hadn’t read my message. Switched again – same thing. Two days, she hadn’t looked at my message. At that point, the company gave me an extra week free because – well, you know, because I hadn’t had any actual therapy yet. Ok, really because neither of them had responded to me.
So I switched to a fifth, who has only missed the first “will respond by” promise so far. Then the weekend. But she hasn’t looked at my message yet. (Yes, it’s like FB messenger, you get a little check mark when they see your message.) Now she’s got til 4:00 Monday to respond. If she doesn’t, I think I’ll ask for a refund.
BUT – that’s not what my re-revelation was. I was making up the bed today when it struck me, I’m lonesome. You know, my daughter is busy trying to figure out her own life, as she should be. Grand kids are fun, but they don’t really see me. Theoretically, MP is my partner, but our relationship feels more like he’s my father. My father who’s starting to need more care. And I feel terrible, terrible, terrible for saying that, for thinking of him that way.
Anyhow. This is not the place for this conversation, it just is what is. And I’m lonesome.
AND don’t decide not to seek therapy just because I’ve talked about my crappy experience with it. There are lots of great therapists out there. In fact, these people might be the best therapist for someone else, I don’t know.
Now I gotta go finish making the bed…