Catching Up

At night, I fall into bed, exhausted. I put my ocean waves meditation on my phone and usually fall asleep quickly. Every few days, or maybe once a week, I remind myself that orgasms are a relaxation tool too.

It’s a purely mechanical release, although I do have a fantasy or two just to get me through it. But it’s a cursory fantasy, pro forma. A shorthand cross between the beginning of Story of O and my own training school fantasies.

Hitachi held in place with one hand, other hand on a nipple, I skim though the stories in my mind. One minute, two minutes, three -almost there – four – BOOM. Ok, not the world’s greatest orgasm, but some relief. And sleep.

I was thinking yesterday about getting fucked. It’s been years since I have, and I don’t expect I ever will again. How weird is that? I mean, I know theoretically that could change, but I don’t think it will. I’m pretty tied to MP, and he’s not going to do it. I’m too old/tired/not-even-interested-enough to look for someone else to do it. And I’m not even sure I want to. So there’s that.

It doesn’t bother me at this point. But there was a moment yesterday when I was remembering what it felt like to join, the pressure as he enters, the sensations ~~~~~


The days are full, they fly by. I never get as much done as I want, but I never did, why would that be different?

There are lots of things that are good, lots of things I love. Lots of things that make me smile. I’m going to do a workshop and I’m excited about that – offer it, not take it. I’m making a workbook for my clients, and that’s fun and exciting.

The kids are thriving, still. MP and I went for a lovely electric trike ride yesterday. My daughter is doing really well, even though she doesn’t seem to realize it or feel like she is.

I miss being here, miss having this space to say whatever I’m thinking or feeling. Maybe I just need to be here more often.

11 thoughts on “Catching Up

  1. I am younger than you, but share many of the same feelings. I know it’s not true. The best can’t be behind me, right? My body is fortunate enough to still have the hormones, the cycles, the physical reactions regardless of my mood or whether I have someone to play with. I used to have daily orgasms, whether alone or with a partner, and now with the stress of life… it’s harder to find relief in them because it’s so sad. I feel like I only found my enjoyment of sex a few years ago and I just don’t have the emotional stamina to trust someone to be my lover.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes, that makes sense. I hope it’s not true for you though – my very best experiences were between about 45 and 55 – and I never expected that!! It’s good to take your time though. AND nice that you get how I feel!


  3. I miss you being here, too.
    But as I’m not being very good about posting myself, I think I should just keep my mouth shut and nod sympathetically.
    *nod, nod*
    (how’m I doing?)


    Liked by 1 person

  4. Great to see that you are doing alright. TCT have been difficult to deal with for all, and when someone you know “drops off” for a bit, the rest of us take a deep breath, and wonder………… Will certainly be glad when things get back to being a little closer to normal within our everyday lives. But for now, I’m happy to be healthy and stay productive at work. Good thoughts to you Olivia, and those all around you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you – you’re right, it is worrisome when people disappear from the blog world. Do you think things are going to get back to normal? It doesn’t seem that way to me, but who knows… I’m glad you’re healthy and productive!! Loving energy to you and yours too.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I would like to think that things are getting back o normal, but fear that if society rushes to achieve that, we plunge into the abyss again. One can only hope, that we all step cautiously into the coming days. Be safe my friend………

        Liked by 1 person

      • I can’t agree more. There are lots of people around me – not my family, but others – who are not willing to wait. I’m not very hopeful about how that’s going to turn out. You take care and stay safe too…


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