I woke up this morning wondering why no one had commented on this post. NO one. No one liked it. I tried to imagine what was wrong with it. And where was Roz?

And now I realize, I didn’t hit publish. There is a whole world of irony in that. It fits nicely with my day yesterday. And it might be my new life mantra. “They can’t like it if you don’t hit publish.”

Anyhow, here’s yesterday’s post.

It’s another Tequila Sunrise…

No, I don’t drink tequila. No shots since about 1978 when I had an unpleasant New Year’s Day following a night which was lots of fun until it wasn’t. One margarita limit since about 1998. This is just the soundtrack for the day.

I accomplished three things yesterday. Two of them had to be undone and redone today, in one way or another. That felt a bit discouraging.

I sort of “heard myself” talking to a sales clerk on the phone today and then later to the nurse at my doctor’s office. They were both very nice, but I wondered if I might be turning into one of those old people who’s too chatty. That’s a bit disconcerting because, of course, in my head I’m still young and charming. And maybe I still am – charming, anyhow. Who knows? Maybe I just need to get out more.

How do you know which self-perceptions are accurate and which ones are off? In my head, I am still slim. Funny/sad? And how can I possibly assess how I come across to people.

It seems like even little things are a bit off today. The recycling pick-up was 2 days late. It turns out an account I have at a store is still in the married name I haven’t had for 10 years. My fitbit told me I was 1,678 steps away from my step goal for the day – and I wasn’t even close. I thought my hair appointment Saturday was at 12:30, but no, it’s at 10:00. I had to reschedule.

In other news, I woke up at 3 a.m. today and couldn’t go back to sleep.

While I was writing this post, I discovered that one of the “accomplishments” from yesterday still needs more undoing. On the phone with a new sales clerk for about 45 minutes – pretty sure she was not charmed at all, but then I wasn’t very charming either. Now I’ll need to drive to the store to straighten it out. It is partly my own fault and partly their fault so I’m not upset or angry, just kind of tired. MP is upset enough for both of us, which is unusual.

I miss writing more of the Sofia and Lucas story, and maybe that’s part of my unsettledness. But I have a vanilla writing thing that is going to have to come first. Or mostly first anyhow.

I started a shrine to Hekate. It’s small and still fairly bare, but I can see it from my desk and it makes me smile. I’ve also started doing the Metta Prayer, the Loving-Kindness meditation more often, and that’s been both soothing and energizing.