I am so scared, y’all.
I am sitting in the car in the parking lot of the grocery store, on the verge of tears. I don’t want to go in the store and I don’t want to go home.
Did I tell you all it’s seven hours of surgery? I think I did, but maybe I didn’t. Apparently I didn’t tell the people I live with, even though I’m pretty sure I did. 
I don’t want to do the surgery. I don’t. I don’t. I don’t. What the hell was I thinking? At the best of times I have some dental phobia. This is ridiculous.
I might be having a panic attack.
It is my own fault that other people aren’t solicitous and worried about me. How could they know that I’m freaked out when I don’t act like it? When they weren’t even paying attention when I told them that I needed to be at the dentist at eight and would be there until three.
So here I am, and I don’t want to go home, and I don’t want to have the surgery, and I pretty much have to do both those things. I’m dumping this here because I want to let go of it. Thanks

Olivia 
What you are facing is very stressful! Try to relax by focusing on your breathing… this may help bring you out of your panic attack. Sending you positive thoughts, friend ❤
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Thank you Nora. 💜
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I know you’re scared. It will turn out OK. And you get NARCOTICS!
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Lol true. I’m not a big fan of narcotics, to be honest, but I do prefer them to pain!
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When I had my fusion, J was the Drug Czarina around here. With my history, I have to be extra scrupulous about pain meds. Wee did OK. This summer, when I had th a back molars extracted, we used maybe three of the pills.
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Yeah that’s encouraging. Thanks!
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Aww Olivia, I so feel you. I am a dental phobic. Hope it gods/went well. Sending positive vibes.
Hugs
Roz
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Thanks – you know then! But it helped writing this, and I appreciate the support. When I got home, my daughter was like, “I don’t think I realized what this involved.” I’m like “Right? lol.” And that helped too. Anyhow. I did write!
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I drag my feet even for a cleaning.
Seven hours would do anyone in.
You got this, tho’!
Yy
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Thanks, Jz. I appreciate that. Fingers crossed…
yY
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I’m sorry I missed all of this. I’d rather go to the OBGYN than go to the dentist. Truth is, for me, when it is all said and done, I’ve always survived ;). Mouth things are the worst because you can’t get away from it. I always try to keep in mind that tomorrow it will just be a memory. Doesn’t usually work, but you know…lol
All this to say I understand in theory. No one can truly understand. I do comprehend not sharing with my family and friends especially when I am afraid of something it appears many people wouldn’t be. Often when I do become brave enough to share, turns out many sympathize rather than judge.
Best of luck to you. I hope everything goes smoothly …and happy RECOVERY..blech that’s the worst. Oh sorry not helping. lol
willie
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Lol, Willie. Thanks for the encouragement and wishes for good luck. You always make me stop and think about things. I don’t think I don’t tell people because I think they’ll judge me – I think 7 hours of dental work is pretty daunting for anyone. I think it’s because I was taught not to complain about things that you didn’t have any control over. If you couldn’t fix it, no reason to talk about it, maybe? I have to think about.
You’re right, the recovery will be a bitch. But I’m fine right now, and it will all be ok.
Lol, I keep re-reading your comment and laughing – it was kind of anti-helpful, you’re right! But thanks for commenting anyhow. Later…
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I’m sorry that I’m only seeing this now, Olivia. I’m playing catch up with my notifications this week – I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it all went well and that you’re feeling better and enjoying your retreat xx
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No worries – thanks for commenting now! I’m good and the retreat was great!💜
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