Between the Lines

I am so scared, y’all.

I am sitting in the car in the parking lot of the grocery store, on the verge of tears. I don’t want to go in the store and I don’t want to go home.

Did I tell you all it’s seven hours of surgery? I think I did, but maybe I didn’t. Apparently I didn’t tell the people I live with, even though I’m pretty sure I did. 

I don’t want to do the surgery. I don’t. I don’t. I don’t. What the hell was I thinking? At the best of times I have some dental phobia. This is ridiculous.

I might be having a panic attack.

It is my own fault that other people aren’t solicitous and worried about me. How could they know that I’m freaked out when I don’t act like it? When they weren’t even paying attention when I told them that I needed to be at the dentist at eight and would be there until three.

So here I am, and I don’t want to go home, and I don’t want to have the surgery, and I pretty much have to do both those things. I’m dumping this here because I want to let go of it. Thanks



14 thoughts on “Between the Lines

    • Thanks – you know then! But it helped writing this, and I appreciate the support. When I got home, my daughter was like, “I don’t think I realized what this involved.” I’m like “Right? lol.” And that helped too. Anyhow. I did write!

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  1. I’m sorry I missed all of this. I’d rather go to the OBGYN than go to the dentist. Truth is, for me, when it is all said and done, I’ve always survived ;). Mouth things are the worst because you can’t get away from it. I always try to keep in mind that tomorrow it will just be a memory. Doesn’t usually work, but you know…lol

    All this to say I understand in theory. No one can truly understand. I do comprehend not sharing with my family and friends especially when I am afraid of something it appears many people wouldn’t be. Often when I do become brave enough to share, turns out many sympathize rather than judge.

    Best of luck to you. I hope everything goes smoothly …and happy RECOVERY..blech that’s the worst. Oh sorry not helping. lol

    willie

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lol, Willie. Thanks for the encouragement and wishes for good luck. You always make me stop and think about things. I don’t think I don’t tell people because I think they’ll judge me – I think 7 hours of dental work is pretty daunting for anyone. I think it’s because I was taught not to complain about things that you didn’t have any control over. If you couldn’t fix it, no reason to talk about it, maybe? I have to think about.

      You’re right, the recovery will be a bitch. But I’m fine right now, and it will all be ok.

      Lol, I keep re-reading your comment and laughing – it was kind of anti-helpful, you’re right! But thanks for commenting anyhow. Later…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sorry that I’m only seeing this now, Olivia. I’m playing catch up with my notifications this week – I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it all went well and that you’re feeling better and enjoying your retreat xx

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