FFF – 7-20-18

Here we are back to another week of FFF – where does the time go?

Steps – I’ve averaged 6,071 over the last 7 days, so that’s not terrible.  I’ve noticed a pattern of doing really well on the weekends, pretty well on Mondays and Tuesdays and then going downhill over the rest of the week.  I’d like to even that out, but maybe it’s more practical to increase what i’m doing on weekends and early in the week.  Who knows…

My weeks pass in a semi-blur of work, (both jobs) grandkids, the house and pool, Sir, Facebook, sunrise at the beach, and spending time with my daughter or the couple of people i know here.  Not necessarily in that order, but maybe mostly in that order.  Oh, and my classes.  i’m taking off work to go to class 8 hours/day next week – on-line, so everything else will still be here.

I’m grateful that i can take the time off to do it, and a bit sad that it’s not going to be an actual vacation.  The last time off i took was to move.  Also not exactly a vacation.   Although i did take some time to enjoy, so i don’t need to complain.

Weight is in the same range as last week, which is fine.  I’m feeling better about how i look and feel, so even though i want to lose more weight, it’s ok to do it more slowly.  i have my appointment with my new doctor on Wednesday, and plan to talk about goals, both for exercise and such and nutrition.

I’ve been pondering submission, of course, and the submissive heart.   i think that our dynamic – mine and Sir’s – is complicated by his physical issues.  Well, i mean, of course it is in obvious ways.  But also in terms of service.  And then there’s just his own idiosyncrasies.  He is not an easy Dom to serve.

He is a selective eater, and has no interest in me cooking for him.  In the very early stages of our relationship, this was not evident, but since then it’s become very evident.  The most i can do is encourage him to eat what he wants when he feels like it.

He has zero interest in and not much awareness of whether the house is clean or neat or not.   It’s literally just not something he pays attention to.  i’m a bit that way myself – if i’m not careful, we can start looking like hoarders.  I have someone come in to clean every other week, which means we have to straighten up enough for her to clean, and that keeps things from getting out of hand.  Also, the mess begins to bother me and I know i feel better when it’s organized and neater.  Sir does not care.  He is pretty completely unconcerned about whether i’ve done the appropriate chores or not.

I know he has to make an effort to notice when i get my hair cut or my nails done – even though i make the announcement right before i go.  And for sure, I’m 100 times more judgemental about my weight than he is.

You might think that i can serve him by fetching and carrying things, since he has limited mobility and walking and carrying things can be a challenge.  So I can do those kinds of things – get his food at a buffet, carry his coffee to the table, and so on.  But – for both of us, it begins to feel like “care-giving” – as if i’m doing those things because he’s not able to.  Since his goal now is more independence, we’ve agreed that i won’t do those things unless he asks for help.

It’s interesting, isn’t it?  How do i serve him?  What does that look like?

In other news, which is exciting probably only to me, i’ve decided to start participating in some of the TBT fun with posts from my original blog.  I’ve realized that the reasons that led me to distance myself from it are no longer applicable.   This makes me feel more connected with my past and my self from a different life.  Fondles efforts to renew interest in CWS (cock-worshiping subs) is what inspired me.  In fact, i might have to post my old post about that before Thursday.

Anyhow.  Happy FFF to you.  Good times ahead.

 

 

 

 

15 thoughts on “FFF – 7-20-18

  1. If this is a duplicate, Olivia, then just toss it. I know I started a comment this morning but not entirely sure I finished it as I got interrupted (wink, wink ;)) …

    Maybe I’m confused but wouldn’t it be up to your Sir to decide how you can best serve him (all with your consent of course) … what does he have to say about it all?

    I am looking forward to your TBT posts … and through those, getting to know you better … nj … xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey, NJ – lol, not a duplicate, and it sounds like the wink, wink interruption was a nice distraction!

      Of course it’s up to Sir to decide what he’d like. I was just pondering and discarding possibilities.

      And thanks!! It’ll be interesting, I think. 🙂
      hugs…

      Like

  2. Hmm. Well two things come to mind here. 1) Serving doesn’t always equate to being submissive, nor do household chores etc… and 2) probably more importantly, if your Sir doesn’t want you to fetch him things you are submitting to his wishes, so you are being submissive- sometimes NOT doing something is much more difficult than doing something. It might seem like ‘lame duck’ submission to you, but really it isn’t. You not getting him things because he doesn’t want you to isn’t any different in my books than me not swearing because B doesn’t want me to.

    There are many types of submission and personally I find the ‘exercises’ that I find challenging or my brain says, ” oh HELL no” help me the greatest with my submission and our overall dynamic, but the ‘little’ things are the foundation of ttwd. Now if you are asking for ideas to feed your submission, that is another story. LOL.

    My question I suppose for you is, are you okay with him not requiring servitude? Or are you searching for things to replace or different ways to serve to advance your heartset and dynamic?

    Congrats on sticking with FFF.

    willie

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Willie – yeah, I get that – the not doing is as important as the doing. And really, i was just reviewing and discarding common possibilities. If i thought there was something there that he’d be interested in, i might suggest or offer, but it’s fine the way things are.

      Thanks for the congrats! I actually have some clothes that fit now and didn’t before, so that’s always exciting!!

      Like

  3. Ask him. Is what i would say. Ask so that you can do the things he feels he would like u to in order to put you securely in that sub zone.

    And thanks for the mention. Yeah im think of using the TBT thing for CWS which is why i finally hopped on the wagon. 🙂 would love to read your older posts!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, asking is always a reasonable thing to do. I really do think that he’ll say so if/when he wants something – and i don’t think he’s going to want anything. But anything’s possible!

      Thanks for the interest! i found the post i was thinking about using, so I’ll be doing it. I appreciate you getting it started.

      Like

  4. i’ve a few thoughts here. i don’t know if this will be helpful or not, but Raven Kaldera has spoken about having to change his paradigm on service to include his physical disabilities and needs. He changed when he decided to view those things (help with getting shoes on/off, his boys carrying things, dressing him, and so on) as a type of personal butler service. That allowed him to begin to relax and view aspects of personal care as a high end service, rather than what a “crippled” (his word) person needs. In addition, he has a lot of food related issues so one way his boy helps is by the actual presentation of the food itself. This entire area might be an area where you are allowed what i see as greater intimacy and what he might see as high end luxury service, as that is generally something only afforded to higher class people. Raven Kaldera has books about serving and protocols around when the Dominant or slave has health issues, available on amazon.

    The other thoughts are around the idea of submission being mostly about being a type of geisha like service-providing entertaining conversation, handling social obligations, and making space for relaxing evenings where the focus is on him. Not every Master cares about the more obvious things you mentioned. Some Masters have always had slaves whose primary occupations were more about being a loyal companion, bringing money and prestige to the household through their talents, sexual service, social secretaries. Maybe you can ask him to make a list of what you already do that he enjoys, but might not comment upon. For some reason, they seem to think we know. It’s often very simple things that mean much-like how we can be counted on to have favorite snacks, or place slippers on the floor by her chair each night, or an affectionate greeting daily.

    With my Master, if i raise a topic she is disinterested in, she will gently chide me by saying, “Do we need to discuss this while I am enjoying X?” That is when i assure her that we do not, and let a comfortable long silence occur where my next comment is to make an offer of service of some kind. (May i get you more wine, Master?) If i ask about her day and she seems disinclined to share, i drop it. i might instead ask about what art videos she is looking at on youtube or something along those lines. i just gently return the conversation so that it is nearly always about her, her interests, and ways i might please her…..like a new product i want to purchase for her next foot soak and asking when she might allow that again. These things are as much about my slavery as the fact that i clean her home every day, though i confess feeling a tremendous pride at her once telling another Master that i keep an immaculate home. i don’t quite agree with that, but i fully appreciated it none the less. Creating a safe harbor for Masters to relax is definitely a skill, and one that takes great practice to develop. Just some thoughts. She knows she is perfectly free to not speak to me all evening, watch videos, and get waited on. i just find something quiet to do that doesn’t engage me in such a way that i can’t be ready if she wants to talk or wants service that might take time.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dear Jade – there is so much wisdom in this comment. Thank you for sharing your techniques with SR. I will have to ask him what I do that he likes. I’m super far behind on reading or I’d work on Raven Kaldera’s book – you know I think he is all that and a bag of chips. I am wandering off to ponder all you’ve said… Thank you, sweetness.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. i feel i should add, that even though the vast majority of conversations i have with my Master are like i shared above….that doesn’t mean we don’t communicate on deeper ways. i have to be very specific about what i want, ask for the tv to be off, or she will ask me to take off my glasses so she can see my eyes, or i kneel/sit on a floor pillow at her feet. It is just that the whole conversation is very rarely focused on me and that is discouraged bc if bring up an anecdote, i am just matter of factly told that this isn’t about me. (Yes, i know, and it doesn’t matter that i was showing agreement it is still wrong here). There are a few exceptions (MAsT, blog, maybe a deep talk 4 times a year together, many talks about what needs to be done and how she wants it done, panels). Overall, we consider things as Master and slave, devoted to the outcome she demands. i went for a few years not sharing much and it wasn’t good for us. Raven Kaldera lists his upcoming lecture dates and we have the pleasure of him visiting in October!!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You and SR have a unique dynamic that works for you two. I love that – and Sir and I could never emulate it. But I love that it’s working for you. I remember those years when you were keeping everything to yourself – i know it wasn’t good for you! I’m glad things are better now. And I’ll have to look at Raven Kaldera’s list – see if he’s going to be anywhere near me!! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Lol, I can hear SR saying that. And ha, ok, probably not. 🙂 But you know, reading about the many, many comforts you provide for SR, I did think, “oh, sheesh, maybe I don’t even have a submissive heart, cause I don’t see me doing any of that.” But, on the other hand, Sir doesn’t want me to, so there’s that. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Service is whatever they say it is. To me, a submissive heart is about paying attention to our Beloved, an ongoing process of paying particular attention to their love languages, seeking out ways to help, be pleasing, give extra. I don’t think it matters at all what those specific things are or become. Really. If SR wanted to hire a maid tomorrow (NEVER gonna happen) I’d be hurt and taken aback for a moment and immediately be looking for ways I now have more time to do other things. Things that only Royalty expected is especially nice- removing boots, dressing, towel drying off, washing her back, pedicure, laying clothes out for her…. you get the idea. She is my King.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Yeah, I started talking to His Nibs about this, and he cut me off – said, with a gentle laugh, that he’d let me know what he wanted me to do. So there’s that. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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