Monday, Monday

After all my fine talk about FFF, and wanting to get healthy, yesterday i binged on carbs and sugar and fat like there was no such thing as obesity or Diabetes, Type II.  Yep.

I ate some healthy meals – then filled in the gaps with a vanilla milkshake with 2 shots of espresso (yes, it was delicious.)  A skinny margarita.  (Mmmhmmm, naming it a “skinny margarita” was a case of marketing genius.  i felt virtuous drinking it.)  Girl scout cookies.  (Do-Si-Dos.  A wise choice because i only bought that kind -my favorite kind.   Trefoils are my second favorite, but when I eat those, I crave Do-Si-Dos, so that’s not really a good buy.)

I woke up this morning feeling the way I did when I used to smoke cigarettes and was trying to cut down.  That morning after “oh, fuck, I overdid it again” feeling.  Ugh.

I have goals about being healthy and losing weight – and some of the choices I’m making point me in the opposite direction.    A little voice in my head that, after 3 or 4 “healthy” choices, says, “Oh, screw this, throw caution to the wind, you only live once, what’s life without a little deliciousness?”

And i like healthy food!  It’s not like i don’t.  I had a seafood omelette for breakfast that was just lovely.  So why do i feel like i’m depriving myself?

If i were my own client, i would tell myself that i might want to redefine “deliciousness” with some pleasure that doesn’t involve food.  Or drink.  You know?  Just something for me to think about.

Somehow, i need to shift my perspective so  i don’t see this as depriving myself of life’s goodness but as better meeting my needs and treating myself extra well.  Or something.  I need to spend my wild splurges on something besides calories.



17 thoughts on “Monday, Monday

  1. I’ve decided my problem is that I don’t even like being told what to do when it’s my own self doing the telling! If the Inner Pill isn’t on board, I cannot just say “I’m gonna ___”, I have to wait until she’s in the right headspace too.
    It’s all a big pain in the neck and I’m still working on a way to strangle her in our sleep…

    Chin up, sunshine.
    It is all how the wind blows…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, that is definitely a thing for me too!! I do not like being told what to do – oh, wait, except when I’m Submissive Girl and then I love it. Hmmmm

      But anyhow. Yeah , let me know if you figure out how to strangle Rebel Girl – or how to quiet her down anyhow!

      It is – all how the wind blows – and really, this too will pass.



  2. One meal at a time! And the more you make good meal decisions or snack decisions the more your body will crave good food. They (not sure who they is?) say that it takes 21 days to make a habit (good or bad) so please don’t be too hard on yourself for the occasional cheat meal/day/week etc. I do use My Fitness Pal so I track my Nutrients, Macros and my Calories. I am a 1000 X better when I hold myself accountable even if it is to an app. When I feel like cheating , I usually drink water or get up and walk around or so anything and the urge really does subside in a few minutes. If I really want that piece of chocolate , then I eat it and move on. The other trick- after 7PM – no food- I brush my teeth and that seems to be my ” hey you are done for the night, so don’t even think about it” routine. Don’t be too hard on yourself!


  3. This isn’t helpful advice…

    That said…it’s something that made me stop worrying about every thing i ate.
    “Eat well. Exercise. Die anyway.”

    See…no helpful advice, yet something to think about. I love you for the who of you…not your BMI. Just sayin’.

    Nilla the unhelpful.

    Liked by 1 person

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