i ran across this quote today:
“One of the biggest misconceptions about connecting is seeking, first, to be liked. In fact, the counterintuitive way to get someone to like you is in knowing this core truth: If they like the way they feel when around you, they will like you. In fact, they will project onto you the character traits they most like in others, even if you have not yet exhibited them.
Conversely, if they do not like the way they act when around you, they will instinctively blame you for it, regardless of the true reason. They will project onto you some of the qualities they most dislike in others. What’s worse, they will go out of their way to prove they are right, even in ways that damage their reputation as well as yours.”
― Kare Anderson, Mutuality Matters More Living a Happy, Meaningful and Satisfying Life With Others
This resonates with me. Some research i read a long time ago says that we don’t necessarily like people who treat us well, we like people that we treat well. If we’re kind to someone, we are more likely to like them- how we act toward them has more impact than whether or not they’re kind to us.
i am not sure what this means for my everyday life, much less what it means for the world of D/s. i mean, i know that if i act with love, i’ll feel love. That’s simple.
It’s the flip part of it that confuses me. i will tell youall – a group i was managing last week was somewhat disrespectful – inattentive, lots of sidebar conversations, checking phones. Really, they were disrespectful to each other and not just to me, and i let it go on way too long, thinking they were grown-ups and would stop it. Eventually, i snatched them up a little bit and they did a bit better. But i look back and think it would have been better if i’d handled it differently.
i’d been thinking about it from the perspective of wondering what it meant about (how they see) me that they’d been acting like that. Thinking that maybe they don’t respect me. Of course, maybe they don’t, but now i’m thinking it might be more helpful for me to attribute their behavior to immaturity and just not let it happen again. You know?
Anyhow. That’s what’s going on here in olivia-World. Occasionally, i ruminate for a while on how helpful a spanking would be – how it would shut down the rumination about things i can’t control and clear my head.
However, sans spanking, i’m making do with a loving-kindness meditation, sending loving thoughts to myself and others. Sigh…