i’m sure we’ve all seen those posts on FB where they talk about the good old days “when we were kids.” i saw one the other day, posted by someone i knew in high school. They’ve always annoyed me, but this time it actually pissed me off – i don’t know why.
Here’s the meme she posted -my additions are in italics…
I was born and raised in Where-i-Live in A Neighborhood…. I grew up in the South East part of the city. I went to school at Somewhere HS. We walked everywhere without any fear. One time, when my friend and I were walking home from school, someone asked us for directions. When we walked over to his car, he was masturbating. We laughed about it, but it felt pretty gross and awful. Sometimes men in cars would follow us and say things to us, trying to get us to get in their cars. One time we had to run from some guys. We had skates, bikes 🚲 and Mini bikes . Played Softball ⚾️, football and basketball kickball, jacks, dodge ball, jump rope, hop scotch, tag, hide and seek, Kick the Can and much more. (i played some of those games as a child, but none of them in high school. My memories of school sports are mostly connected to “last one picked for the team.”) We played in the streets when it rained . We had an ice cream man, candy lady and a Neighborhood store. The neighbors watched and disciplined us if needed. (We lived in an apartment building. One of our neighbors was a young man who tried to molest my younger sister. One of our neighbors was a couple who used to fight loudly. One time she had a black eye. Some of our neighbors were nice, but none of them were looking out for me.) We watched out for each other, not trying to hurt, harm or kill one another. We caught LIGHTNING BUGS. We went swimming 🏊 in the public pools and played in the parks without fear of being shot or killed. (By the time we hit puberty, bathing suits were a cause for leers and sometimes comments.) We went on family vacations every summer. We got dirty, ate whatever our mom cooked, no questions asked or we didn’t eat. (i remember being forced to sit at the table until i “cleaned my plate” when i was real little, and feeling like i just wanted to die.) We drank water from the water hose (and the faucet), ate fruit from the trees, ate honeysuckle from the vines we ate raw cookie dough and licked the cake mix off beaters . We climbed trees, and went to church on Sunday. We went camping. (i hated camping, my poor mother used to drag me until i got old enough to stay home while she and my sister went. i liked church, mostly because there were some really cute guys there. One of our priests molested a friend of mine. Lots of kids were molested by priests, teachers, coaches, and family members. No one talked about it.) And we weren’t afraid of anything. When the SUN SET or the street lights came on it was CURFEW. (Except for those times me and my best friends snuck out of the house after my mom went to sleep, looking for adventure. That was where i met the man who molested me.) CHICKEN was FRIED. (Probably by your stay-at-home Mom who couldn’t get a credit card unless her husband or father signed for her.) Oh and you better not DISRESPECT your ELDERS! (Cause in some families that meant you got whipped with a belt. Or you were already being beaten for little or no reason and that just made it worse.) We had real friends and we all were family. The word family and friends meant something back then. (Different things to different people though.) Those were the Days. (In some ways. NOT so much in other ways.)
Re-post if you’re proud that you came from a place you will never forget!
So, i didn’t want to share those bitter truths on FB – thought i’d dump it on y’all instead. Thanks, that made me feel better. 🙂
Olivia 
In the past two years I reconnected on FB with a lot of my old high school friends. Frankly I’m shocked and appalled by a big bunch of them. These are people I was close with. Anti- everything. Angry, bigoted, mean-spirited, and afraid.
I understand that our (white middle class of a certain age) lifestyle has changed and it’s not ever going back to the way it was. Frankly I don’t believe it should unless we find a way to be more inclusive for everyone. That segment of friends are frightened, but seriously? How can you hit the love button on a “When the power of love overcomes the love of power” -Jimi Hendrix quote and then turn around and spew that Trumpist hatred everywhere? The cognitive dissonance would make my head explode. They frighten me.
and that is my rant. Here and not on FB.
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Yeah, I hear what you’re saying. Although many of my high school cohorts were already pretty racist and generally judgmental. But yeah, it’s sad to see people reacting from fear that way. ❤
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I see this one a lot too. I like your comments. My growing up was very innocent and I get that other children, now adults, we’re not so fortunate.
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Thanks, David.
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I have to preface this with a disclaimer added after all the rambling that follows. A lot of stuff bubbled up. Most of it has nothing to do with your original topic. (And thank god we have this outlet to let our rants out) lol
I see both sides of this honestly. I had what most people, especially in other less fortunate parts of the world, would call a privileged, comfortable childhood. I did all those things she talked about. And I had shitty experiences like you, too.
Kids today are spoiled and parents don’t parent (by and large). The fact that some of us had bad things happen when we were kids, and might or might not have had parents that did their jobs, it seems like, in *general* parents weren’t afraid to be parents then, even if they did it wrong, and kids weren’t just born entitled and expecting the world to be handed to them on a platter.
In any case, everyone’s perception of their own past is really subjective. Kids in the same neighborhood could have totally different experiences and end up damaged or just fine. Those kids we played with in the neighborhood, the ones who also had to go home to dinner when the streetlights came on, they might have been beaten, molested, and hungry, or they might have had ward and june cleaver. You just can’t always tell from the outside.
Now I’m going off topic.
Social media makes things visible. 24 hour news makes things visible. That comes with positives and negatives. We hear about the bad stuff, on CNN repeat and it makes things seem worse, but really back then the bad stuff happened too, it just wasn’t reported, and if it was it was the local newspaper and the rest of the world didn’t get involved. (Good and bad)
People get on facebook and paint pretty pictures of their fucked up lives, so it makes the dissonance between the happies and the sads seem much bigger than it really is. We all have shit to slog through, but people don’t go facebook to complain about their shitty husband (that’s usually reserved for blogging… lol) People go online to post pretty pictures of their food when they DO have a happy moment, and that is just human nature, to want to celebrate the moments that actually ARE happy, because for all we know the rest of their life is pure hell.
So even though it’s an incomplete picture, no matter where you look: here, facebook, the news, etc etc… I do try to find joy in other people’s moments of contentment. Sometimes those moments are fleeting, even in our own lives, so instead of thinking “that’s bullshit, your husband is a dick” I try to think “oh good, they’re having a good time tonight” — the world is fucked up enough and filled with enough misery to begrudge people their good moments.
I know this really has nothing at all to do with what you wrote. 🙂 It just made me think about perceptions, and the fleeting nature of contentment… and about gratitude.
I was a kid who was one big ball of anxiety and communication issues growing up. Not a lot of friends. Shy. I was generally not happy a lot of the time, but from the outside? People would say I had a lovely childhood. You just don’t know what’s going on inside another person unless you’re in their skin and walking in their shoes. So when that cashier at walmart is a grumpy bitch, I always try to remind myself that her mom might have just died and she couldn’t get time off work, or her husband might have left bruises all over her arms under those long sleeves that morning, and try to give her compassion. That’s in short supply these days. (Which lives matter? Who’s experiences are deemed valid? That other political party is full of asshats. etc etc etc)
Peace to you, sweetheart. I hope your day has smoothed out and the rant made you feel happy!! (And I’m actually glad that this is a place that people can go and write about their actual feelings instead of all the glossy stuff you might see elsewhere. I think it’s good for us to paint a picture that is as full of struggle as it is joy, because that’s life). xox
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Hey – thanks so much for sharing all this here – i might have more response to make, but my mind is on low-functioning at the moment. But i totally appreciate you sharing your thoughts! ❤
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Hehe I hear you! 😊✌
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I can validate someone’s actual experience or the nostalgia someone may have without consigning their BS and lack of appreciation for what they are describing usually reflects a higher SES than others enjoyed-then or now. I think these kinds of memes are actually dangerous bc of their depiction of some place and point in time free from abuse, neglect, fear, racism, sexism, hostility, disability, etc. all of which were clearly present then to. I’ve thought about this all day and, upon reflection, think maybe we should counter those images with reality. Facebook often offers a very myopic and disjointed view of reality.
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Yeah, i agree. Agree about facebook too, and since i’m usually posting tragedy, you know, there’s that. But yeah, you’re so right.
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*too
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