Some Other Questions

Actually, I’m kind of cheating here – there were a couple of comments on my last post that included questions, and I answered them in the comments, but now I’m thinking it might be a blog post all by itself.  First, I wanted to share this:


And then – Amy had asked a question about spankings which led me to talk about subspace, and she wanted to know how Eric could learn to get her into subspace without a lot of pain.  Then Willie reminded me that subspace also brings the risk of subdrop, which is not so much fun.  To see their comments in full, go here.

And let me be clear – I am not some big expert on these things.  I’m speaking from my own experience, mostly, so other people might have had different experiences or disagree with me, and that’s ok.

But, in response to Amy, I said:

“Lol, I love your enthusiasm, Amy – but go read Willie’s comment first, because she’s also right, subdrop can be a thing (although if you and your husband know it might be coming, it’s easeir to deal with.) Anyhow, if you’re serious, here are some thoughts.

There are events where they have classes on how to do – stuff. I imagine you already know that. Often there’s a play party afterwards, but you wouldn’t have to go that, and if you did go, you could just watch (in a casual way) and just sort of see what it feels like. I love play parties for all kinds of reasons and even if you don’t do a thing while you’re there, you will probably be pretty ramped up afterwards. It’s like the most serious foreplay. I was at an event that had a class in spanking that I went to just for the fun of it and it was pretty fascinating. This might sound funny, but it made it clear to me why my first spankings were not what I’d had in mind.

There are also books about things like that. I can recommend some good books, but not necessarily one on teaching how to spank (not my forte, you know…) But I’m sure you already know that.

Beyond that, I think it’s experience and maybe experimentation. I’m pretty sure, in retrospect, that what happened that night was that my Dom started with a really slow warm-up, which allowed my endorphins time to kick in. As he increased the intensity, he did it in a slow and steady way ( which is why he told me to signal him if it hurt more than I expected, right?) So I got used to it. And the opiods in my system came out and were all floating around and – beyond that, I don’t know what happened. I dont’ really understand what subspace is, other than this lovely thing that happens. But I think it was the warm-up and then the slow, steady pace that did it.

I’ve experienced supspace through the use of rope too, which can be a really sensual and intense experience, so you might see if Eric is at all interested in Shibari. And I’ve experienced it through painful spankings but I’m not a big pain slut either so maybe it doesn’t take that much. I would speculate that you can’t get there as well through punishment spankings, but it’s pure speculation. I know you and Eric have been at this a few years (yay for you!!) and so you may have done this a bunch of times. But has he tried spanking you with different implements, not to see which is the worst, but to see which you like the best?

Ok, I’ve written a blog post here, and you probably already know lots of it. But good luck playing with it! Also, if you’re in the southeastern US, email me if you want recommendations for events. ❤”

Then Lindsey asked me if the same Dom had given me that experience again.  I said:

Yes, he did, although the other times I most remember were with rope and not spanking. He was really an expert in Shibari and I can still remember the feel of the rope on my skin as he created a “dress” or other patterns. I was looking for an article just a minute ago to describe what they call it when they work from the waist down – harness? I don’t think that’s right… But anyhow, I found this article that talks specifically about the mesmerizing effect of rope. I love that it says:

“In addition to creating beautiful patterns, with rope, body and limb placements, Shibari rigging induces physiological conditions known as “sub space” and “top space”, which are similar to the “runners high” experienced by athletes. A Shibari experience results in an increased level of endorphins and other hormones, creating a trance-like experience for the bottom/model and an adrenaline rush for the Top/rigger. When a Shibari scene is performed with appropriate ambience, these effects are actually visible in the face of the model. The term “rope drunk” is sometimes affectionately used to describe the euphoric condition of the model after a Shibari experience.”

Anyhow. We did some suspension bondage too, which was amazing, and – well, thanks for asking. Those are some lovely memories to unfold. ❤

And I was thinking – not for the first time, but in that “here we go round the spiral” way – that between leaving my church and not practicing BDSM, I don’t have anywhere to hang my spirituality – nowhere to call my spiritual home.  I’m still spiritual, but I don’t feel like I really have a community.  Now there’s a goal…

*If you can’t see the meme, there’s a steaming cup of coffee, with a deep purple flower across the saucer.   It says:

A riding crop and a blindfold doesn’t make it

BDSM.  There is a big difference between being

kinky and being in the scene.  It’s not a sexual thing

to me, it’s a very spiritual thing.

~ DominaBlue

Here’s a twisted view…

i’m sure we’ve all seen those posts on FB where they talk about the good old days “when we were kids.”  i saw one the other day, posted by someone i knew in high school. They’ve always annoyed me, but this time it actually pissed me off – i don’t know why.

Here’s the meme she posted -my additions are in italics…

I was born and raised in Where-i-Live in A Neighborhood…. I grew up in the South East part of the city. I went to school at Somewhere HS.  We walked everywhere without any fear. One time, when my friend and I were walking home from school, someone asked us for directions. When we walked over to his car, he was masturbating.  We laughed about it, but it felt pretty gross and awful.  Sometimes men in cars would follow us and say things to us, trying to get us to get in their cars.  One time we had to run from some guys.  We had skates, bikes 🚲 and Mini bikes . Played Softball ⚾️, football and basketball kickball, jacks, dodge ball, jump rope, hop scotch, tag, hide and seek, Kick the Can and much more.  (i played some of those games as a child, but none of them in high school.  My memories of school sports are mostly connected to “last one picked for the team.”) We played in the streets when it rained . We had an ice cream man, candy lady and a Neighborhood store. The neighbors watched and disciplined us if needed. (We lived in an apartment building. One of our neighbors was a young man who tried to molest my younger sister.  One of our neighbors was a couple who used to fight loudly.  One time she had a black eye.  Some of our neighbors were nice, but none of them were looking out for me.)  We watched out for each other, not trying to hurt, harm or kill one another. We caught LIGHTNING BUGS. We went swimming 🏊 in the public pools and played in the parks without fear of being shot or killed. (By the time we hit puberty, bathing suits were a cause for leers and sometimes comments.)  We went on family vacations every summer. We got dirty, ate whatever our mom cooked, no questions asked or we didn’t eat. (i remember being forced to sit at the table until i “cleaned my plate” when i was real little, and feeling like i just wanted to die.)  We drank water from the water hose (and the faucet), ate fruit from the trees, ate honeysuckle from the vines we ate raw cookie dough and licked the cake mix off beaters . We climbed trees, and went to church on Sunday. We went camping.  (i hated camping, my poor mother used to drag me until i got old enough to stay home while she and my sister went.  i liked church, mostly because there were some really cute guys there.  One of our priests molested a friend of mine.  Lots of kids were molested by priests, teachers, coaches, and family members.  No one talked about it.)  And we weren’t afraid of anything. When the SUN SET or the street lights came on it was CURFEW.  (Except for those times me and my best friends snuck out of the house after my mom went to sleep, looking for adventure.  That was where i met the man who molested me.)  CHICKEN was FRIED. (Probably by your stay-at-home Mom who couldn’t get a credit card unless her husband or father signed for her.)  Oh and you better not DISRESPECT your ELDERS! (Cause in some families that meant you got whipped with a belt.  Or you were already being beaten for little or no reason and that just made it worse.)  We had real friends and we all were family. The word family and friends meant something back then. (Different things to different people though.)  Those were the Days.  (In some ways.  NOT so much in other ways.)
Re-post if you’re proud that you came from a place you will never forget!

So, i didn’t want to share those bitter truths on FB – thought i’d dump it on y’all instead.  Thanks, that made me feel better.    🙂


Sometimes, if i’m very still  and if i let my mind slip back, back, back in time, sometimes

i can still feel the rope, soft, cotton rope, snaking over my skin as he wrapped me,

like a package, a parcel, tied me up.


Shibari, like a whisper,the rope between my legs, the knot right there – yes, there, laying

on my clit, so when i moved – it rubbed – exquisite discomfort.  The rope snug enough that

when he unwound me, the imprint lingered on my skin.

i remember, even though it seems so far away, even like it happened to someone else, but

my skin remembers.