Submission: the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person. e.g. “They were forced into submission”
The whole point of submission is that you’re doing what someone else wants you to do.
My long-time-ago unoffoical Dom, Mike, used to say, “You know how to get a woman to mind you?” He’d pause, waiting for you to say, “No, Mike, how do you get a woman to ‘mind you?'”
“You tell her to do things she wants to do anyhow!” he would say, laughing. And he would do that. He’d tell me to do all kinds of things that I wanted to do, and if he threw in a couple of things that maybe I didn’t so much want to do – well, I was in the habit of obeying by that time, so I did those things too. I was maybe somewhat enthralled by the steady flow of endorphins and oxytocin that he offered.
Pain was never part of our dynamic. He asked me once if I liked to be spanked, and I just flat out lied. Told him no. Of course, this was before I embraced my desire to actually be spanked, so it was only half a lie. But I was afraid that if spanking became a part of what we did, I would be even more enthralled.
To “be enthralled:” To be captivated, spellbound, or deeply engrossed in something, often to the point of losing track of time or other distractions. It implies a strong feeling of fascination, wonder, and delight
I knew that our relationship wouldn’t last. There were way too many reasons why we were actually a terrible match, other than the amazing, wonderful chemistry between us. We dated a few fun-filled, exciting months. At the end, as I was ending the relationship with him, we argued.
“I’m not submissive!” I said, with disdain at the very idea.
“Olivia, you’re one of the most submissive women I’ve every met!” he responded. “You’ll do anything I tell you to do! When have you ever said no to me?”
And in that moment, I couldn’t think of a single time. But looking back, I realize I could have said, “Right now, Mike. I’m saying no right now.”
But it was food for thought. And not too long after that, I discovered the book “Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex.” I realized that submission and kinky sex didn’t just naturally lead to living chained up in a dungeon, or being branded and used by strangers, like Story of O.
All of which is a long way of getting to my point about the paradox of submission. Submission, by definition, means doing things somebody else wants me to do. It means I want to do what they want me to do.
Does that mean i want to do the thing they want? Not necessarily. In fact, if my Dom only wants me to do things I already want, it’s not submission. But if he wants me to do things that are too far outside my comfort level, it will feel abusive and it won’t work.
I think being a Dom is a difficult dance. You have to lead, and you have to listen to yourself and what you want, at the same time gauging how to elicit the dedication and obedience you want from your submissive – at least, that’s how i imagine it. I wish I understood more about how that works from the Dom perspective.
But the paradox of being a submissive woman is my space to hold. All the contradiction and polarities – wanting and not wanting, believing that to give is to to receive, without losing my self, seeking the pain that brings pleasure… It makes no sense to me – and yet – there it is.
Olivia 
To “be enthralled:” To be captivated, spellbound, or deeply engrossed in something, often to the point of losing track of time or other distractions. It implies a strong feeling of fascination, wonder, and delight – there it is…..👏 👏 ♥
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Right? It’s magical…
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Yes, it is…!
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I do love these musings. And I recognise myself in them. It’s easy in a pro-client setting to submit, but in real life, with a partner, phew! I wonder if that makes me a fake slave. That I only don’t to provide relief from the pressure of mastery. But it is infinitely more pleasurable to bottom than top. That might make me a fake domme too.
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Thanks, I’m so glad you enjoy them and can see yourself in them! I’m fascinated to hear that you find it more pleasurable to bottom than to top. Although – I think I could play the role of Domme well, but it wouldn’t bring that deep satisfaction and pleasure. At least I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t…
Anyhow. As is often the case, your thoughts offer layers of complexity, and I appreciate that!
💜
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“It makes no sense to me – and yet – there it is.” Couldn’t have stated it better than this, Olivia! 💗
I’ve tried to explain submission to a few close friends of mine, but simply couldn’t do it – or myself – justice. The ineffability of the submissive paradox…the very thing that gets us tongue-tied or causes us to avert our eyes when our Doms hit the sweet spot of our needs…mmm… That’s the good stuff! And, as always, I suppose we’re the lucky ones who get to experience it, right? 😉
Thank you for sharing!!!
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You’re so right, it’s not easy to capture in words! But it is so amazing. And we are the lucky ones, for sure. 💜
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I LOVE the word enthralled and it is such a fitting word for how we submissive girls feel about the power exchange dynamic. We are strong, capable, smart…and yet…we long to kneel before the right dominant man and lay down our power at his feet. Paradox is right! I don’t know why this is true for me…but it IS true. My submission brings me great fulfillment and pleasure. Great post, my friend! XOXO
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I’m so glad that resonated with you! Yeah, enthralled is about right. And the paradox is real – and lovely. Thanks for your comment – and your deep understanding. 💜
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Please keep on exploring the paradox and writing about your thoughts and fantasies. It’s very enlightening to have your views (all of you), be they precise or necessarily imprecise. Reading them is fascinating, instructional and often entertaining. 🌞
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Thank you so much!! I’m so glad you’re enjoying them. Thank you for the encouragement! 💜
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Reading this, I see much of that contradiction and paradox in my own life, especially given the things I am currently processing about the story that led me to where I am now –
a story that sometimes felt like the absence of a story… a narrative with the plot sucked out. The places where it came to life often involved a particular kind of submission; one that became intimately woven into the person standing in the wake of those stories.
It’s part of the reason I have written so many Jo pieces lately… a d part of the reason I occasionally stall and isappear too.
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(just like some of the letters jn my com ent 🙄)
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💜
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this!
It’s funny how your words almost weave a spell for me – I read them and feel myself caught up in them. This:
“a story that sometimes felt like the absence of a story… a narrative with the plot sucked out.”
makes me feel some kind of way that I don’t have words for.
I love that you’re writing a lot, and a lot of Jo pieces. I’ve worried when you stall and disappear, but I’m beginning to think it is part of your process.
Anyhow. Thanks for commenting! 💜
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I think you have hit on something there. Might even be the next Jo story.
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Cool!
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Being a woman who can lead, I’ve often stuggled with this myself, yet I find a simple truth in that which calls me to submission: I CAN lead, I just don’t WANT to lead – I want to be led. It’s not about what we can or can’t do, or about who we are, it’s about our basic desire – our desire to yield. Sometimes our submission requires us to do the things we don’t want to do, and that’s because deeper down, it compels us to do the very thing we DO want to do: to please and serve, no matter what. Food for thought 🙂
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Yes. This: Sometimes our submission requires us to do the things we don’t want to do, and that’s because deeper down, it compels us to do the very thing we DO want to do: to please and serve, no matter what…. Well said!!
💜
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