The Actual Munch

/ olivia

I was busy enough yesterday that I didn’t have much time to be worried about the munch. But a couple of hours ahead of time, I had a little panic attack and almost didn’t go. (Not a real panic attack, just an “omg, omg, what am I thinking, why did I say I’d do this” kind of attack.)

But I already knew that was going to happen. Sir Jon encouraged me by telling I had to go, and Sir X encouraged me by having me tell him the reasons I was going – personal and professional – so between the two of them, I felt settled enough to go. I changed my mind about what to wear about 35 times, which was actually a waste of time. But I ended up in black pants and a top that felt comfortable, even if it might have made me look more Domme than submissive. But that’s ok too. 

I got there a couple of minutes early, the host had suggested I come early – BUT – in retrospect, he didn’t mean before it started. I walked in to the bar/restaurant and stood just inside the doorway for a minute or two, looking for anyone who was greeting people, or an indication of where to go. There was a room off to one side set up with banquet tables and some round tables and when I looked in there, it was obviously the right place. I stood in the doorway for a minute there too, but the few people seated were engrossed in their own conversations or on their phones. 

There was a pretty red-haired woman, younger, sitting at a table alone, so I approached her and asked if she was holding the seats. Nope, she was not. Gratefully, I sat. 

She and I chatted a bit and that made me feel more comfortable. I went back to the bar and got a tonic water. When I came back with my drink, there was an older man (maybe my-age-older) at the table next to us, talking to a couple there. When their conversation lagged, he and I made eye contact, and after a minute he came over. Introduced himself and we chatted a bit. I’ll call him R. 

So I’m still feeling awkward, but better than I felt standing in the doorway. After a few minutes, a woman (also in our age range) came over and started talking to R. They began to include me in their conversation, which was lovely. The woman, J, was delightful. She reminded me just a tiny bit of a Domme I once knew. J and I kind of hit it off, at least, I think we did, and talked for a while.

I had forgotten how lovely it is to be in a delightfully diverse group of people who all enjoy some form of non-vanilla sexual activity. Different ages, races, and body types were there – and that’s just the external differences. It would be fun if people could have little bubbles over their heads saying what they liked in terms of kink. 

I’m not sure why I was so worried about clothes – people came in every kind of outfit you can imagine. Super casual to bordering on kinky. It was all vanilla attire, because it was a munch, and that’s part of the protocol. But other that, it was as varied as you can imagine. 

I will need some new clothes though, just to better portray who I am. Mentally, I add “and that means I need to lose 20 pounds” but it doesn’t really mean that. There were none of the air brushed beauties of Instagram present to body-shame me. 

It was little things that delighted me. Talking about violet wands. I’ve never experienced a violet wand, although I’ve seen people play with them. Playing with the power of electricity – how wild is that? (Note, in the picture, they’re testing it on their hand. That is not exactly how you play with it…)

And there was a moment when J was talking with the red-haired woman and her friend, about spicy food. The friend said, “I looove spicy,” and shimmied delightfully when she said it, making it crystal clear it was not just food she was talking about.

A million people showed up. J and I exchanged fetlife info to stay in touch. She left to meet other newbies. The room got so loud R and I couldn’t hear each other talk. He left. The two younger women were headed outside to smoke. There were a hundred people around the bar ordering food and I didn’t want to get in the middle of that. 

So I left. I made it about an hour before I bailed – they hadn’t even gotten to the activities/announcements/meeting part of the munch. 

But I did talk to J and a little bit to R about the professional thing I want to do! So that was a success. J was funny, she listened to my description of what I want to do preparing for workshops, laughed, and said, “That’s a dissertation!” Yep, could be. 

I came home and ate dinner, had some quality time with Sir X, and that was good. And I’ll go back. I met a few people, I know what to expect. I’ll go a bit later next time, get food right away, and stay longer. If the room is accessible, Sir X may go with me. We’ll see…

Photo by Andrew on Pexels.com

20 thoughts on “The Actual Munch”

  1. Glad you have made that first step! It is not easy to go by yourself when you don’t know anyone. And then you learn they all normal people just with a kinky side. I am sure you’ll meet many interesting folks at these events.
    Next step: dungeon 😁

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  2. First, I am so glad that you went! I know it wasn’t totally a choice at some point, as I saw that Sir Jon told you very firmly that you were going, but still… it takes a lot of courage to walk into an event where you don’t know anyone. Second, think of this as dipping your toes in the kinky munch water! Next time, as you wrote, you’ll get there a little later, stay a little longer, and know more of what to expect. So…when is the next one? I want to hear about the activities they do!!! XOXO

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    • I’m glad I went too! And – at the risk of sounding like a bad sub – I could have disobeyed… It was definitely dipping my toes in the community. The next one is not for a month. I may see if there are any small events going on. There’s a play party mid Feb but I can’t make it to that. There will, however, be more.

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  5. First, I’m so pleased that you pushed past your comfort zone to attend the munch; good for you!
    I’d appreciate everyone’s feedback on this. I am a sub in her mid-thirties who has never attended anything like a munch. I’d like to try this but am petrified. I am in elementary education in a fairly small town. I know that there are periodic munches in a nearby (larger) city. Should I be concerned about running into someone I know from my vanilla life? I am paranoid about losing my career and pension, etc. Are my fears justified? I’d value any thoughtful feedback!
    Warmly,
    Jean Marie

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    • Thank you! I’m glad too.
      As for going to an event in a larger nearby city – you don’t use your own name. Everybody else there is also not wanting to be “outed” – or at least most of them are private about their activities. Munches are designed to be safe – no overt signs of kink allowed. if you were to run into someone from your town – well, you’re both there. The prospect of losing your job, pension, etc is daunting, I agree. And I guess there is a small chance that could happen. But the people at a munch – or in the dungeon – are often teachers, doctors, social workers, and so on. No pictures allowed. When I used to go to play parties, we had to check our phones at the door.
      If you want to chat more about the pros and cons, don’t hesitate to email me – oliviahisservant@gmail.com. 💜

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  6. I’m not sure which would have been more difficult, going into a room with only 2 people or 200 people. Well, regardless you did it!

    I am definitely a person who needs someone to MAKE me get out of my comfort zone. I do have a hard limit on public speaking though 😂. So Munch okay, MC at a wedding ,forget it ! Lol

    The dungeon post sounds like it might be a tad more exciting should that day come. Lol
    willie

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  7. “It would be fun if people could have little bubbles over their heads saying what they liked in terms of kink”… that would be really cool! Like xray glasses 😉

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  8. I’m so glad you took that first step Olivia. Now you have some contacts and know what to expect next time. Going alone must have been so daunting, but you did it! It would be cool if everyone had a bubble above their head with their kink lol.

    We went to a munch years ago and I felt very much the same as you. We later went to an event which was fascinating and fun. The transformation in participants from munch to event was amazing lol

    Hugs
    Roz

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    • Thanks, Roz! It was a bit hard – but you know, my motto might be “I can do hard things…”

      And YES! The transformation from munch to event is so cool!! I hadn’t even thought about that. Thanks for sharing that! 💜

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