Blogs are a wonderful way to discover some of the exciting ways that kink shows up in people’s lives and in our fantasies. However, they are not necessarily a reliable source of information when it comes to how to really live in a power exchange relationship. I thought it would be fun to share some books that tackle the subject with research and year of lived experience. This is just a tiny sample of what’s out there.

Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide To Kinky Sex: This is the book that introduced me to the idea that one could be submissive without living in a dungeon chained to the wall. It set me free from the sense of isolation I’d had, thinking it was either vanilla life or Story of O. I get warm, fuzzy feelings just looking at the cover of this book.

The blurb about the book says: 

How do you tell your partner that you’d like to be spanked?
Where can you find a good dominatrix?
If your husband like to wear your panties, does that mean he’s gay?
What really goes on at SM clubs?
After you tie someone up, what exactly are you supposed to do?
Is there such a thing as normal sex?
If you’ve ever wondered about the ins and outs of bondage, spanking, or cross-dressing, look no further. Come Hither is a frank, friendly guide on how to turn your secret fantasies into satisfying expressions of love and desire. The official resource guide for SM/fetish sex at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, Come Hither proves that a little kink can be a lot of fun.

Partners in Power: I haven’t read this one, but I liked the reviews. The blub says: Is it possible to form lasting, healthy, loving relationships that are based on power, control and pain? Of course it is — if you approach it with common sense, care and affection. Respected scene leader Jack Rinella has carefully explored how BDSM relationships fit into the lives of real people of all genders and orientations. From that research, and his own two decades as a an active leatherman, he has assembled this sensible, readable manual about how kinky relationships really work. You’ll learn how to decide what you want from a relationship, find partners, distinguish between fantasy and reality, negotiate agreements to accommodate your changing needs and desires, resolve conflicts, and much more. (Quoted from Amazon)

Paradigms of Power: Styles of Master/Slave Relationships: I love Raven Kaldera – anything written by him has my seal of approval. The book blurb says: Consenting Master/slave relationships come in all varieties, inspired by many different historical periods and modern subcultures. One of the wonderful things about this lifestyle is that we can create our own unique paradigm with its own rules, protocols, and vision. From Victorian to medieval, from Leather to Gorean, This collection of essays by many practitioners of M/s showcases the beauty and diversity of this demographic, and will hopefully be an inspiration to future couples and families who are only now finding their way onto this road.

The Ethical Slut, Third Edition: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love. Of course, The Ethical Slut is a classic. As the book blurb says: The classic guide to love, sex, and intimacy beyond the limits of conventional monogamy has been fully updated to reflect today’s modern attitudes and the latest information on nontraditional relationships. 

For 20 years The Ethical Slut—widely known as the “Poly Bible”—has dispelled myths and showed curious readers how to maintain a successful polyamorous lifestyle through open communication, emotional honesty, and safer sex practices. The third edition of this timeless guide to the ethics of relationships, communication, and sex has been revised to include:
 
• Interviews with poly millennials (young people who have grown up without the prejudices their elders encountered regarding gender, orientation, sexuality, and relationships)
• Tributes to polyamory pioneers
• Tools for conflict resolution and instructions on how to improve interpersonal dynamics
• New sidebars on topics such as asexuality, sex workers, LGBTQ terminology, and ways polys can connect and thrive

I’m including this next one mostly because I feel like I know Dan and Dawn – I’ve met them, even experienced a reiki type healing session led by them, which I’ve written about elsewhere. I follow Dawn on fetlife and am a huge fan of hers. I appreciate this book because it reflects their real life experience in an M/s relationship where they are respected members of the community and role models.

Living M/s; A Book for Masters, slaves, and Their Relationships: This book is a valuable resource for those interested in real-time Total Power Exchange Relationships. Dan and dawn share the reality behind the lifestyle that so many only fantasize about.

This is a book based on the experience of a couple, who has been living together as Master and slave for well over a decade and covers such topics as: challenges of living as a M/s couple; building your own M/s dynamic; changing terminology; the communities of M/s and BDSM and how they dance together (and apart); styles of D/s and M/s; Ms and polyamory; leather; orchestrating situations with multiple slaves, as well as many other topics.

Unfortunately, I’m not an affiliate, so I don’t get anything if you purchase any of these books. 🙄. But you know, I just want to highlight that there is real information out there about how to do TTWD – The Things We Do – and I think we all benefit from learning more about it. Think of it as a Public Service Announcement, promoting healthy kink. What books do you recommend?

And tonight is the munch. Stay tuned…