Rebooting Today

/ olivia

I started a post this morning that ending up leading me down a logical path with an end point I didn’t like. I need to pursue that some other time maybe, but not today. So instead, I need to take a different path.

As a teacher of Mindful Self Compassion, I have developed a habit of putting my hand over my heart in times of emotional stress – or joy. A hand, or both hands, over my heart calms and soothes me. The rhythm of my breathing, the rise and fall of my chest as I breathe in and breathe out, the gentle pressure and warmth of my hand… just noticing that shifts my energy and creates space for new feelings to arise.

What comes up first for me today is a deep affection for all of you. Of course, I have some deep connections with some of you who I’ve known for years, people who have commented over time, or messaged me. But also for anyone who reads here, with gratitude that you find something here. I feel that connection.

My Sir is always there. No, I don’t want to turn this into another, “my Sir is wonderful” post – although that would be easy to do. But I feel him there, not just in the adrenaline dump and endorphin rush of “Use the clothespins on your nipples three times today.” He is also there also in tenderness and care.

Savoring this, it centers and grounds me so when there are bumps in our relationship (as in any relationship) I can flow with it rather than fighting or running. It makes me think of this quote:

Awareness
as her love grew, her ability to feel the
unseen and listen to the wisdom of the
eternal strengthened. the walk on the path
to freedom had changed her; though she
still experienced times of difficult release,
the feeling of unity remained ever present
in her body. now that she lived her life in
the grassy field between mortality and the
infinite, she could feel that the space in
her heart was the same as the heart of
the earth and the heart of the universe. 
~Yung Pueblo

I also remember the wise therapist I had who once told me, “You are someone who was meant to have a partner, ” and I remember being surprised. I had learned to be self-sufficient, not to depend on anyone else, and yet I realized that what he said was also true. 

Counting my blessings today…

16 thoughts on “Rebooting Today”

  1. I love, LOVE the quote! And definitely something that is relatable when I am standing on or close to the bullseye of my core. Years ago our world was crashing down around us, yet our dynamic was gaining strength. The horrible things were still very difficult to deal with but there wasn’t a hopelessness . The emotions were appropriate ( fear was on the forefront but it wasn’t all encompassing).

    Your therapist’s comment had me remembering a time in my early 20s. I had many male roommates. This one particular roommate was extremely dominant. I was maybe 21 and he was 26. I don’t know how we got on the topic, but there was discussion if he’d ever sleep with me ( probably someone was there asking if we had- because God forbid the opposite sex have a Platonic relationship). He said , ” If I slept with Willie, I’d have to marry her. Willie’s the girl you marry”.( funny several other guys didn’t think that! Lol). But those words stayed with me. I have a Dom friend who I once shared that story with and he said, “100%”. I don’t even know what that means, other than I sound boring. Lol. Seriously, while I can be alone as my good friend once said, ” you need to nurture – that’s who you are”. I definitely need to take care of something – and of course be taken care of hits all the feels too.

    As for the heart thing, that’s sweet. When I’m stressed you can see my heart pounding through my shirt. If I’m grateful about something my eyes tear up- I usually cover that up with a fake yawn.

    I am so grateful your posts spurred me back into blog land. I thought this reacquaintance with our dynamic I could do alone this time. It turns out it’s much easier to accept when doing it with like minded people! So I’m grateful for you and nora and as always Roz!
    💕willie

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    • I’m so glad you liked the quote. And it’s always interesting to hear your reflections on your past experience. That must have been such a difficult time! But how wonderul that you had each other.

      I love the story about you being “the girl you marry.” I can really relate to being a nurturer – and yes, being nurtured is really lovely.

      I’m so glad you started posting again! Yes, D/s in community is often a bit easier and feeling support from like-minded people is extra nice. I’m glad you’re here .

      💜

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  2. There is a difference between dependence and reliance. To rely on someone is to know that someone has your back, even if that isn’t always needed. Dependence is more about needing someone there. There’s nothing wrong with being more with a partner. The problem comes only if you are less with a partner and I do not see that in you. You can be strong and independent and still take joy in having someone alongside you on this journey.

    We should all count our many blessings today.

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    • You’re right about the difference between dependence and reliance, of course. Submission is – for me, anyhow – an opportunity to explore the complex relationship between being independent and needing the other person. Which – actually -might be today’s blog post. Or tomorrow, I’m short on time today. Thanks for the thoughts.

      I agree, too, that being with a partner doesn’t make me less – if anything, it makes me more. Actually, there’s lot to unpack here… thanks for raising this in my mind!

      I hope your blessings are innumerable! 💜

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  4. Thank you for sharing this message of gratitude with us, my beautiful friend! I am glad that you were able to set aside the other piece you were working on, to share something that felt better for you in this present moment. I think there is wisdom in that, listening to whatever your heart and mind were telling you. I hope that today is one of warmth and connection! ❤

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  5. What a beautiful post Olivia. I may not post, but I also feel a deep connection with blog friends and am thankful for like minded people to share with. Especially you and Willie who have been there for a loong time lol. I love the hands on heart thing. I can see it being a good way to calm and center oneself.

    This was like a vertial hug, which I truly appreciate today. I took a bit of a tumble and have a few minor scrapes and abrasions. Hmm, maybe no kneeling time for a bit while my knee heals? LoL

    Hugs
    Roz

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    • Thank you, Roz! For sure, I feel deeply connected with you! I know I’ve said this before – how much I appreciate you having been here for me over the years.

      I’m sorry to hear you got hurt – even a little bit. Falls are scary things as we get a bit older. Lol, at not kneeling for a while. I hope you’re ok though. Glad I could send a virtual hug when you needed it!! 💜

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