And the Fetlife Not-So-Funny

I ended my Fetlife exchange with Young Guy mentioning that he did not seem like a dominant.

Perhaps that was insensitive. Although I really did just intend to start a conversation about types of kink. However. The road to hell* and all that. Cause here’s what happened next:

Him: Do you always judge and assume things about people or just me should try me fucking your throat

I thought, YIKES! So I said:

Wow, that turned ugly fast. I’m sorry I offended you, that was not my intent. Please don’t message me again.

To which he replied:

I think we got started off on the wrong foot let’s start over

I have not answered that, and don’t intend to.

My comment probably was a clunky way to start the conversation, (you can read that here if you missed it.) And his level of flare-up anger felt scary. You know, not in an immediate “actually need to be afraid” way, but there was a moment of feeling as if I’d been assaulted. Verbally, of course.

Beyond that, it made me sad. I know that kink is not really about random hookups with strangers. I mean, it can be, but only if it’s consensual. Or something like that. I already told him “no.” I think he’s confused being aggressive with being dominant and being a jerk with being a Dom.

And confused altogether because “May I pleasure you” is still not a typical way for a Dom to start the conversation.

Ugh, why am I wasting my emotional energy on the situation?

Oh, that’s right, I’m dumping it here so I can walk away from it! Thanks for being there…

*In case you don’t know the whole quote: “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”

13 thoughts on “And the Fetlife Not-So-Funny

  1. You’ve been to nice to that jerk. The search for that right person sucks in general. So many flakes out there who have no idea what D/s is really about.
    Fucking someone mouth does not make you a Dom…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dump away, my friend! That’s what we are here for. Sounds like he missed class the day being assertive and being aggressive were discussed. That, combined with probably little to no experience. And might I add… it annoys me when one is talking to potential Dom only to find out they are actually a switch, only to later find out that their greatest fantasy is to be dominated themselves. Ugh. Talk about misrepresenting themselves! Okay, rant over. XOXO

    Liked by 1 person

      • Prior to meeting my Sir, there was one gentleman that I was rather interested in. My intuition told me there wasn’t something quite right about him (at least, for me), so I proceeded with caution. About three weeks into our chats, he let me know that he sometimes fantasizes about being spanked himself. LOL. And now, two years into our friendship he is on FetLife as a male submissive. So glad that I didn’t fall for him! Oh well, life’s a journey. Hope you meet someone on there worthwhile soon. Also, are you on SpankingNeeds? I enjoy perusing that site, especially the forums. The chatroom is sometimes VERY slow and frustrating, but I have met a few interesting people there. And the best part…it is free! XOXO

        Liked by 1 person

    • Yep, definitely, walking away is the best next step. And I’m not even sure what would happen if I did find the “right person” so there’s that… Thank you though!! 💜


  3. Although it takes all sorts of nuts to make fruitcake fun, it doesn’t mean you have to like all of them 😀

    It makes no sense to treat online introductions like a drunken ” hi there” at the bar. No wonder he is still looking. Maybe enough rejections will help him understand to curb his attitude and start being respectful and thoughtful, right away. Hopefully!

    Liked by 1 person

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