You know, I might have said this here before. Because my life spirals round and round, I find myself in almost the same spots over and over again. For example, there’s a meme going around FB that I keep starting to comment on or repost and disagree with. I had my commentary all prepared in my head when a post came up in my FB memories from 2 years ago. It was the exact same meme, and my post disagreeing with it. My disagreement was a little different, what I would say now has a bit different flavor, but basically the same.
So I may have said I was on strike and taken this particular stance before. But if I said it, I didn’t stick with it. So I’m recommitting to my plan.
These other adults I live with – MP and my adult daughter – have a habit of stating a need and waiting for me to respond by meeting the need. For my daughter, it’s things like, “I’ve got an appointment for this thing on Wednesday, but I just realized the kids need to go to that thing at the same time.”
MP might look at the dirty bowl and coffee cup on the table and say, “Those need to go out to the kitchen.” As if he were just sharing that information. Which makes me think, Yes, yes they do, and let’s hope they walk themselves out there soon!
But you already know what I do. I say, “Let me look at my calendar, maybe I can take the kids to the thing.” Or I say, “Here, I’ll ge them,” as I carry the dishes to the sink.
I don’t mind doing the thing. I resent not being asked to do it. All they have to do is ask. “Mom, I’m double booked, could you take the kids…” rather than “I don’t know what to do…” Or “Would you take these to the kitchen for me, please?”
Last night, I told them each of them that I was not just stepping up to meet their need unless they asked. They both thought that was reasonable and promised to do better. We’ll see how this goes.
Olivia 
My daughter and I have similar “conflicts” around here. She says I never ask. But when I ask, she still doesn’t do. Is it merely a communication issue? Or is it difference in how we think? It just makes it hard. You and I both feel under-appreciated and it also makes me feel disrespected
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I think it’s a whole different thing if they won’t do it when you ask. It does make it hard. And you probably are underappreciated and that does feel crappy!! Thanks – I’m sorry you’re with me in this boat, but nice not to be rowing alone. 💜
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Glad that you talked with them about it! Hopefully this small change in communication makes a big difference 🙂
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Yeah, we’ll see. Probably the problem will turn out to be me throwing myself into rescue mode unnecessarily. We’ll see. 💜
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I know how you feel. Before mum had her issues she was the queen of NOT asking, and just saying stuff thinking that the person she said the thing in front of would take the hint and solve the problem. It’s as good as (or a very small step away from) being passive aggressive if you ask me.
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It is super close to passive aggressive! Yes!! Yep. Thanks!! I’m glad you get it. 💜
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Ouch! Yeah, I can be like MP and your daughter at times. It’s nice to be reminded the wife isn’t the maid. I hope things get better.
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This made me laugh! I love that you acknowledged it, and hope your wife gets some benefit from that! 💜
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Good on you for talking to them Olivia, I hope it makes a difference. The way we communicate makes all the difference.
Hugs
Roz
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Thanks, Roz! We’ll see – I’m afraid that my own behavior may be the real problem… but maybe I can resist leaping into superwoman, let-me-help-you mode! 💜
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