Just when I thought my submission was dead, I was scrolling through FB, in my relatively vanilla, real life persona, and ran across this. This was a post from a group I belong to that is not labeled BDSM, that has thousands of members. The post got 3.3 K likes and 267 comments, most of which were positive.

But that’s irrelevant. What I came here to say is that, damnit, it woke me up again, just when I thought I might really be done, finished, completely uninterested. So of course, I came running over here to share it.

“I want to be dominated…

And the first thing most of the men I’ve hooked up with think of is fucking me roughly. They’re going to piledrive and pull my hair all the way to their orgasm.

But that’s not what I think of when I think of a dominant man. Sure, a physically imposing man is great (especially to physically imposing female), but that’s not what dominance is.

A dominant man is observant. He watches, he notices, he takes in the environment. He does this not only to monitor your responses, he does this to keep you safe. In the same way a lead on the dance floor should mostly be looking at the couples around them, not on their follow, a dominant man is watching the environment so you can feel safe enough to let go. He’s watching you to see what you aren’t saying. He observes.

A dominant man is patient. He knows that as much as you might want to open up, it takes some time for your subconscious and your nervous system to catch up. You need to relax, you need to feel safe, and he needs time. To explore, to feel you, to gauge what you like and don’t like, he needs time with your body and your mind and he is patient enough to take it. And he is patient over and over again, not just once, but many times, giving you the confirmation that he is steady and present and he will not leave you to flounder.

A dominant man makes your pleasure his idea. He experiments and plays with your body for the sake of your pleasure because he wants to. He knows your pleasure isn’t like anyone else’s and he enjoys figuring you out. He likes knowing what makes you tense and clench and catch your breath, and he won’t wait for you to ask for it because he wants to see it.

A dominant man knows that foreplay is constant. In how he touches you, in conversation, in his approach. A dominant man never has to tell you what he is, you’ll know. He doesn’t need trappings and posturing, he doesn’t rely on trying to embody what he THINKS an alpha is. He cares for you not because he should, but because that’s what the protector masculine does, that energy is what brings out your softness.

As much as submission is given, as much as a submissive has the power to call a full stop, there is a very big difference between allowing a man to rough fuck you, and submitting to the will of a truly dominant man.When I say I want to be dominated, that’s what I mean.

~~Unknown Author